Happiness will follow you

Arguing can be an emotionally draining experience, so we need to be careful in how we prepare and engage in argument. This is not so much a guide on how to win arguments; it is more a guide on when to argue and how to conduct an argument.

Don’t insist on having the last word.

Focus on getting your argument across effectively and coherently; when you have adequately explained your position don’t feel a necessity to keep repeating yourself. There are some people who will never want to admit defeat; no matter what you say they will want to keep arguing. There are occasions when you just need to let people have the last word; having the last word does not mean you have won the argument.

Silence can be a very powerful Argument

True words aren’t eloquent;
eloquent words aren’t true.
Wise men don’t need to prove their point;
men who need to prove their point aren’t wise.

Tao Te Ching verse: 81

Foolish people will want to pick arguments over inconsequential things. Great thinkers and innovators are often criticised, only because people are suspicious of new things. If these pioneers stopped to argue with all the self styled critics, the evolution of the world would have been a lot slower. This is the art of knowing when to argue and when to remain silent. If you have faith in an idea or vision, don’t stop to have meaningless arguments. Often great people aren’t appreciated until they are dead; but, truly great people don’t create a lasting legacy through engaging in arguments with critics.

Pick the Right Argument to have

You could spend all day finding reasons to argue with other people. But, if we are honest, arguments rarely have much benefit. An argument should be seen as the last alternative; only argue where it would compromise some significant principle. If possible try to find a way to suggest ideas in a non confrontational way. If we need to challenge someone’s opinion’s there may be better ways of doing this than a head-on argument.

Continue reading “The Art of Effective Argument”

Does life often get you down? Life can be tough, but,  there are also a few things we can do to easily brush away some of the common difficulties.

Common Problems and how to deal with it

Lack of Money

It is easy to feel that if we could just get a few thousand more dollars – all our problems would be solved. However, you may find even if you won a thousand dollars, you would still want more. Life will always create money worries – the important thing is how to deal with them. Try to keep money in its proper place, don’t let it dominate your life. Take practical steps to improve your financial situation, but try also to be content with your current situation; it is a mistake to always feel that a lack of money is our most significant problem.

Lack of Motivation

Often we know what we should do, but, we feel no inclination to start. A lack of motivation means that we never try new things and life can easily become stale. A lack of motivation is related to a feeling of boredom and self doubt. There are many practical ways to overcome a lack of motivation; the most important thing is just to start new projects. Often when we make the initial first step, we realise it is not as difficult as we feared. It can also be important to set goals, if we make certain targets it becomes harder to find excuses and avoid doing it.

Problems keep repeating themselves

Quite often, when we solve or avoid a problem, it repeats itself through another person or another experience. This can be dispiriting because it seems we will never be able to gain peace of mind. The solution is not to keep trying to avoid the problem, when we have a defect in our character the problem will keep appearing. To resolve this kind of problem we need to take a fresh perspective and try to understand the underlying cause of the problem. This may require some honest self criticism. Look at your motives and thoughts and see whether you can approach issues from a different perspective.

Continue reading “Why Life Feels Difficult And What To Do About It.”

It is estimated that 20% of adults at some time are suffering from depression. It is a difficult experience to go through, but, it is also difficult for the friends and families who live with those suffering from depression. The extent of depression varies, but, everyone will at some time encounter friends who are feeling unhappy and miserable. On these occasions what is the best approach to take?

Some ideas on How to Deal With depressed People:

Be Happy Don’t be Depressed

This is really important. The best antidote to depression is the opposite – happiness. If you can remain cheerful and positive, this will imperceptibly rub off on the other person. This does not mean we have to maintain an over the top, happy persona, – this will just be irritating. However, it is a mistake to feel that we need to empathise with their depression so much that we become depressed ourselves.

Be Patient

If people experience a lasting period of depression, the last thing they need to hear is the retort – “O why don’t you just snap out of it.” Maybe this is appropriate for temporary bad moods, but, in the case of depression we can not expect an immediate fix. It is important to remain patient and understanding. We should not impose a time limit when we expect the depression to end. Patience is important and we should not become frustrated when our friends fail to resolve their difficulties

Don’t Be Judgemental

It is important to offer support to people without offering constant judgement about what is right and wrong. It is very helpful to listen to the problems of other people. This is not so we can tell them what to do; often just listening to others, gives them the opportunity to work out their own problems.
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If you find yourself stuck in a rut, life can become monotonous, dreary and uninspiring. It is easy to feel life is going nowhere, especially if we have problems at work or with family. To bring newness into our lives we need to first realise that we are actually stuck in a rut. After that we can make a conscious decision to rejuvenate our lives.

Here are some Practical Tips to Get out of a Rut.

1. Set Challenges

Personal challenges are a very powerful way of motivating yourself to do something new. If there is no target it is easy to make a half-hearted effort and give up. However, when we have something very clear to aim for, it is much more likely we will actually make something happen.

2. Focus on the Present Moment

Do you spend alot of time regretting the past? Everyone makes decisions they later regret, but, if you become consumed with regret you will not be able to move forward and forget the experience. Don’t be preoccupied with the past and future, try to enjoy the present moment.

3. Do Without Some Everyday things

It is easy to get into a routine where we spend several hours doing the same uninspiring activities. If you are addicted to watching TV, surfing the net or playing computer games, make a decision to do without them for a day or week; this will force you to do something completely different. This does not mean you have to give up watching TV completely. It is just that if we become totally absorbed in one activity, it leaves no opportunity for discovering newness in our life.

4. Learn a new Skill

There are many things that we could use to improve our life. Learning a new skill gives us the opportunity to find a new avenue for creativity and inspiration. In the process of learning we can get a feeling of self improvement. This is the best antidote to being stuck in a rut.

5. Do Something for Other People

When we live only for our own pleasure, there feels something lacking. When we do something selflessly for other people, we bring out the best in ourselves. Offering useful service to other people is highly rewarding.

Continue reading “10 Tips To Get out of a Rut”