How to Gain the Respect of Others

sea-cloudsIt is interesting to consider why we instinctively respect some people, but others can be very hard to appreciate. Respect doesn’t necessarily mean we have to agree with everything they say; respect comes from people’s inner life, and the values and beliefs they hold. If someone is sincere, honest and self effacing it is easy to respect them, even if they believe in a different life philosophy. If we can understand why some people instinctively gain respect, we can learn to implement these characteristics in our own life.

Talk Less

We do not command respect by excessively talking. The oft repeated saying ‘actions speak louder than words’ is very applicable here. If we do the right thing and become the right person, we do not to justify our actions with words. Talking less does not mean that we ignore the power of the spoken word; it means that we speak when necessary. Don’t get worked up by every small incident; intervene only on important events. If we are judicious in speaking people will give more importance to our words. If we speak loudly on every minor issue, people will just start to swtich off.

True words aren’t eloquent;
eloquent words aren’t true.
Wise men don’t need to prove their point;
men who need to prove their point aren’t wise.

– Lao Tzu.Tao Te Ching Verse 81

Listen More

Everyone likes to have their own say. If we can patiently listen to others they will appreciate our concern and attention. Even if it is a little boring and repetitive, there is no harm in listening to what others have to say; listening to others shows that we are interested in them as a person. Listening more is the perfect complement to talking less. When we talk we try to influence others, when we listen we appreciate others; it is important to get the right balance.

Sincere Appreciation

There is a big difference between sincere appreciation, and flattery which hopes for similar words to be repaid in kind. Take the time to look for people and actions which really deserve appreciation and be generous in offering it to others. It is also important to be judicious in offering praise to others; if we do it all the time it starts to become insincere.

Non Judgemental

It is easy to build up lists of people we like and people we dislike. Our mind gets drawn to the faults of others, but if we are always picking up on the limitations and faults of others, it will diminish our own standing. To be non judgemental and accepting of others is a very powerful trait to develop. In society there can be a certain peer pressure to join in criticising others; there is a peer pressure to accept the gossip of the world. However, if we can be detached and non judgemental people will subconsciously respect our attitude a lot. To be really non judgemental, we should not even start criticising people who started the gossip. Our attitude can be – We have enough problems to deal with ourselves, without worrying about the failings of other people.

Honesty

The importance of honesty cannot be underestimated; if you gain a reputation for being ‘slippery with the truth’ it will be difficult to gain the genuine respect of others. It is easier to be dishonest than we may imagine. When things go wrong there is a temptation to look for someone or something to blame. It takes a certain amount of courage to just be honest and accept things didn’t work out as planned; in the long run, this honesty will be appreciated.

Leave Praise To Other People

To gain the respect of other people, it will not help to remind people of why they should admire you. Good deeds will be rewarded; there is no need to force the issue. Respect often comes to those who don’t chase after it.

Self Respect

To gain the respect of others, it is important to have faith in yourself. This is not an egotistical pride, but modest self respect and faith in your inner capacities.

I simply do
What many dream of.
I simply do
What others talk about.
I simply become
What others dare not
Even to imagine.

Sri Chinmoy

Equanimity

To gain the genuine respect of others it is important to be detached from misfortune, praise and criticism. Praise can easily go to our head and bloat our pride; this diminishes all the good work we have done before. On the opposite side, we should not get flustered by criticism. There is a great dignity in being able to just ignore unjust criticism. Some people can get easily offended at the slightest criticism and then respond in an ugly manner. If some ignorant people criticise us we diminish its importance simply be ignoring it. If we can maintain the highest principles despite any provocation people will come to appreciate and respect your inner values.

Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously.

If we have a feeling of indispensability and our own importance, we will rub people up the wrong way. If we can be self-depreciating and aware of our own limitations, people will respect us more. It is important to avoid taking yourself too seriously, but it is also important to avoid an exaggerated false modesty which can be just as irritating.

Symapthetic Oneness.

We can easily respect someone who has magnanimous heart. If we have a large heart, we tend to tolerate and identify with the failings of others rather than making a big deal out of it. Sympathy should extend to all and not just a select few people.

Principles above Money and Power

There are numerous opportunity to increase our financial well being and personal influence at the expense of personal values. But, if we make progress at the expense of others we will lose the respect of others. Sticking to higher principles and placing others above any temporary monetary gain is a powerful way to gain the lasting respect and appreciation of others.

Photo by: Tejvan

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60 thoughts on “How to Gain the Respect of Others”

  1. Wow Tejvan, its as if you can read my mind. Just yesterday, I was depressed for the same matter. I’m not respected by many other people because I talk too much. Yesterday, a friend told me to “just shut up” and nobody seems to respect me these days.

    Nice tips man. I’ll try them out. Not in a way which will entirely turn me into another person. But, we do commit mistakes and correcting them is really important. I can’t be someone else. Anyway, great man. Its just great. 🙂

  2. Thanks Tech Roach,

    Glad it could be of some use!

    If you have an attitude of always learning and trying to improve, even if gradually, that is the most important thin 🙂

  3. One quote I’ve always really liked that I think fits in well is

    “That which is false cannot be defended. That which is true requires no defense.”

    In other words, another way to really gain the respect of others is to interact with them in a non-defensive manner — even if they are “attacking” us.

  4. Great post and I am glad you put ‘talk less’ at the top of the list!

    It has to be the quickest off-putting trait ever, especially when individuals are trying to ‘out-do’ each other!

    Andrew

  5. Sri,

    I have chosen this post for my weekly GreatManagement Inspirational Articles – The Best Advice From Around The Web.

    Andrew

  6. Thank you very much for the helpful tips Tejvan. It all sounds like common sense.. but sometimes we need to hear it AGAIN! 🙂

  7. I agree with Sameh Maram.
    It’s common sense, and we know it. We just need to hear it again. Listen to it. A repetitive tast.
    It’s like everyday we brush our teeth, we everyday should apply this techniques. And, I believe self-respect is one of great importance. If you don’t respect your own-self, how can you expect respect from others?
    Thank you

  8. Does dating someone because they pay your bills count as a no respect factor to others? I want to stay home with my baby and dating him is the only way I can. (no hanky panky) It’s time to man-up and break up isn’t it?

  9. Dear,
    A person should know himself well. A friend is like a mirror reflects the real appearance. Truth and frankness are very necessary. A smile on a bright face will never cost a lot. Helping others is important. To be honest and serious with others will increase respect and appreciation. Getting rid of conflicts. yours \ helal

  10. can a person really respect you for doing those things if they somewhat contradict your natural behavious say for eg.talk alot?

  11. Hi, I’m a 15-years-old girl and not many people respect me. However, I respect others and am quite kind. I also really don’t talk a lot and I listen to people but that actually seems to be the problem. Some people don’t like me because I’m not that talkative. I’m not shy but I just don’t feel the need to talk that much. I’ve also helped many of my friends over the time but few of them show respect to me. So please if you can help me somehow, any advice will be appreciated.

  12. self respect is all the respect that actually one needs. the world cannot take away from u what u have inside ur head. not many of us truly realize our “real” unlimited potential. we are one with the entire universe. u command and the universe will obey if u have faith in it. ask urself wht u wud like to see urself accomplish in life. set targets which would eventually lead to that jackpot. when u r finally there, u would turn back and give urself a pat on the back with a smile. visualize that joy every single day. get up and do ur job girl! rest will be taken care of!

  13. respect others and others will respect you.To be respceted by other you have got to respect your self first with the way you talk,act,dress up and many other ways.To get respect you gotta earn in it does’nt just come naturally.Have your own believe and others will have confident in letting you know about them and others relation to respect, trust will come along wich many people dont really have these days.

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