How to Gain the Respect of Others

sea-cloudsIt is interesting to consider why we instinctively respect some people, but others can be very hard to appreciate. Respect doesn’t necessarily mean we have to agree with everything they say; respect comes from people’s inner life, and the values and beliefs they hold. If someone is sincere, honest and self effacing it is easy to respect them, even if they believe in a different life philosophy. If we can understand why some people instinctively gain respect, we can learn to implement these characteristics in our own life.

Talk Less

We do not command respect by excessively talking. The oft repeated saying ‘actions speak louder than words’ is very applicable here. If we do the right thing and become the right person, we do not to justify our actions with words. Talking less does not mean that we ignore the power of the spoken word; it means that we speak when necessary. Don’t get worked up by every small incident; intervene only on important events. If we are judicious in speaking people will give more importance to our words. If we speak loudly on every minor issue, people will just start to swtich off.

True words aren’t eloquent;
eloquent words aren’t true.
Wise men don’t need to prove their point;
men who need to prove their point aren’t wise.

- Lao Tzu.Tao Te Ching Verse 81

Listen More

Everyone likes to have their own say. If we can patiently listen to others they will appreciate our concern and attention. Even if it is a little boring and repetitive, there is no harm in listening to what others have to say; listening to others shows that we are interested in them as a person. Listening more is the perfect complement to talking less. When we talk we try to influence others, when we listen we appreciate others; it is important to get the right balance.

Sincere Appreciation

There is a big difference between sincere appreciation, and flattery which hopes for similar words to be repaid in kind. Take the time to look for people and actions which really deserve appreciation and be generous in offering it to others. It is also important to be judicious in offering praise to others; if we do it all the time it starts to become insincere.

Non Judgemental

It is easy to build up lists of people we like and people we dislike. Our mind gets drawn to the faults of others, but if we are always picking up on the limitations and faults of others, it will diminish our own standing. To be non judgemental and accepting of others is a very powerful trait to develop. In society there can be a certain peer pressure to join in criticising others; there is a peer pressure to accept the gossip of the world. However, if we can be detached and non judgemental people will subconsciously respect our attitude a lot. To be really non judgemental, we should not even start criticising people who started the gossip. Our attitude can be – We have enough problems to deal with ourselves, without worrying about the failings of other people.

Honesty

The importance of honesty cannot be underestimated; if you gain a reputation for being ‘slippery with the truth’ it will be difficult to gain the genuine respect of others. It is easier to be dishonest than we may imagine. When things go wrong there is a temptation to look for someone or something to blame. It takes a certain amount of courage to just be honest and accept things didn’t work out as planned; in the long run, this honesty will be appreciated.

Leave Praise To Other People

To gain the respect of other people, it will not help to remind people of why they should admire you. Good deeds will be rewarded; there is no need to force the issue. Respect often comes to those who don’t chase after it.

Self Respect

To gain the respect of others, it is important to have faith in yourself. This is not an egotistical pride, but modest self respect and faith in your inner capacities.

I simply do
What many dream of.
I simply do
What others talk about.
I simply become
What others dare not
Even to imagine.

- Sri Chinmoy

Equanimity

To gain the genuine respect of others it is important to be detached from misfortune, praise and criticism. Praise can easily go to our head and bloat our pride; this diminishes all the good work we have done before. On the opposite side, we should not get flustered by criticism. There is a great dignity in being able to just ignore unjust criticism. Some people can get easily offended at the slightest criticism and then respond in an ugly manner. If some ignorant people criticise us we diminish its importance simply be ignoring it. If we can maintain the highest principles despite any provocation people will come to appreciate and respect your inner values.

Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously.

If we have a feeling of indispensability and our own importance, we will rub people up the wrong way. If we can be self-depreciating and aware of our own limitations, people will respect us more. It is important to avoid taking yourself too seriously, but it is also important to avoid an exaggerated false modesty which can be just as irritating.

Symapthetic Oneness.

We can easily respect someone who has magnanimous heart. If we have a large heart, we tend to tolerate and identify with the failings of others rather than making a big deal out of it. Sympathy should extend to all and not just a select few people.

Principles above Money and Power

There are numerous opportunity to increase our financial well being and personal influence at the expense of personal values. But, if we make progress at the expense of others we will lose the respect of others. Sticking to higher principles and placing others above any temporary monetary gain is a powerful way to gain the lasting respect and appreciation of others.

Photo by: Tejvan

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60 Responses to How to Gain the Respect of Others

  1. shaila April 27, 2011 at 9:01 am #

    wow!!!this is really true

  2. Jonathan May 23, 2011 at 7:56 am #

    Thanks a lot! They are all practical.

  3. anju May 30, 2011 at 4:25 am #

    its really good advice.

  4. Cyndy May 31, 2011 at 7:39 am #

    Someone just told me, I think he does not respect you. I have heard that phrase not once. . I started searching how i may gain respect. Thank u

  5. Vivian June 28, 2011 at 10:25 pm #

    This is the best advice on this subject. People just take u for granted when u talk too much, or tell everything about your personal life. They feel they can have easy,unlimited access to talk to u.

  6. a.ramanarsaiah July 1, 2011 at 3:56 am #

    respect cannot be demanded,it is only commanded by your good deeds to others.

  7. LORD CHAOS July 9, 2011 at 7:32 pm #

    these tips were to me very helpful because i am a very angry person i can be ticked of very easy and i act with violence witch in my case hasn’t gotten me any where
    i have faced a lot of problems and tried to solve them with
    violence and i ended but after words it wasn’t worth it

  8. jean July 21, 2011 at 2:06 pm #

    To Mimi: I am the same way that you describe yourself and I find I don’t get alot of respect from people sometimes, and wonder why. I think people are not as civil toward one another as they used to be.

  9. Dorothy August 30, 2011 at 2:49 pm #

    Mimi and Jean, I feel the same way and I’m 59 years old! It comes from not respecting yourself and that is not always an easy thing to acomplish. Espically if you were not taught to love yourself. We need to love ourselves no matter what we do or don’t do “right”. We are all perfect in the eyes of our higher power or as some like to call God.

  10. Penny September 5, 2011 at 8:48 am #

    Thank you! I needed to hear this.

  11. SHASHANK September 11, 2011 at 12:42 am #

    Thanx a lot…for helping everyone who needs to shape his mind……

  12. alish November 8, 2011 at 6:45 am #

    yes very true…it is really helpful…..specially the 1st part…talk less

  13. Haedam November 18, 2011 at 3:14 am #

    Hey it’s soooo use ful I need ur help can u make how not get ignored plz it’s important

  14. Cote Corteous January 20, 2012 at 4:09 am #

    This is very practical and not ‘talk is cheap’
    thank you very much.

  15. ed March 4, 2012 at 3:32 am #

    thank’s for this i really learn something which can be use for my daily life.

  16. Ifeanyi July 5, 2012 at 4:26 am #

    ooo thank u very much. I am happy

  17. random guy July 12, 2012 at 11:30 pm #

    I still dont get my respect.

  18. Kristine May 15, 2013 at 4:21 pm #

    Very well said.
    I have just read this article.
    Looking to many great article like this.

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