10 Powerful Ways to Deal with Anger

anger

Here are some practical suggestions for dealing with anger.

1. When you are angry say nothing.

If we speak in anger we will definitely aggravate the situation and quite likely hurt the feelings of others. If we speak in anger we will find that people respond in kind, creating a spiral of negative anger. If we can remain outwardly silent it gives time for the emotion of anger to leave us.

“When angry count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred.

- Thomas Jefferson

2. Be indifferent to those who seek to make us angry.

Some people may unfortunately take a malicious pleasure in trying to make you mad. However, if we can feel indifferent to them and their words; if we feel it is beyond our dignity to even acknowledge them, then their words and actions will have no effect. Also, if we do not respond in any way to their provocation, they will lose interest and not bother us in the future.

3. Use reason to stop anger.

When we feel anger coming to the fore try to take a step back and say to yourself “This anger will not help me in any way. This anger will make the situation worse.” Even if part of us remains angry our inner voice is helping us to distance our self from the emotion of anger.

4. Look kindly upon Others.

Another visualisation, suggested by spiritual teacher Paramhansa Yogananda, is to see the anger-rousing agent as a 5 year old child. If you think of the other person as a helpless 5 year old child your compassion and forgiveness will come to the fore. If your baby brother accidentally stabbed you, you would not feel anger and desire to retaliate. Instead, you would just feel he is just too young to know any better. This exercise may be particularly useful for close members of the family who at times evoke your anger.

5. Value Peace more than anger.

If we value peace of mind as our most important treasure we will not allow anger to remain in our system. As Sri Chinmoy says:

“You may have every right to be angry with someone, but you know that by getting angry with him you will only lose your precious peace of mind..”

6. Always try to understand those who are cross.

Don’t worry about feeling the need to defend yourself from their criticisms. If you can remain detached and calm they may begin to feel guilty about venting their anger on you. Inspired by your example of calmness, they will seek subconsciously to do the same.

7. Focus on Something Completely Different.

Suppose someone has done something to make you angry. Think about something which will make you happy. The best antidote to negativity is to focus on the positive.

8. Breathe Deeply.

The simple act of breathing deeply will help considerably with removing anger.

9. Meditation.

Practise meditation regularly to bring your inner peace to the fore. If we can have an inner access to our inner peace we will be able to draw upon this during testing times. – How to Meditate

10. Smile

When we smile we defuse many negative situations. To smile is offer goodwill to others. Smiling costs nothing but can effectively defuse tense situations.

Common Sense

If you leave your unlocked bike in the centre of town, it is likely to get stolen. This can be frustrating and is likely to give rise to feelings of anger. Of course, we should  minimise this kind of situation – simply remember to lock your bike. If we feel there is an injustice in our workplace, we should work to resolve it; this will make our work environment more peaceful and less prone to creating anger. If we have a partner who is abusive, the solution is not just dealing with our own anger, but finding a more peaceful living situation.

When we try to transcend anger, it doesn’t mean we have to acquiesce to injustice and unfairness. We should strive to make the world a better place. However, whatever our goals, it is always best to act with poise and a clear mind. Acting under the influence of anger makes it more difficult to attain what we wish to achieve.

Finally as a teacher, I occasionally feign anger to make students pay attention; sometimes, you need to show a stern face. However, as a teacher you can’t afford to allow yourself to be over-run with the emotion of anger because then you may over-react and create problems.

See also:

Photo credit: Ranjit Swanson, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries

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183 Responses to 10 Powerful Ways to Deal with Anger

  1. Bob June 9, 2012 at 11:26 pm #

    Great advice. For me the thing that I always come back to is breathing. There is something about focusing on the gently flow of the breath in and out of your body that just has a soothing quality, that helps to bring you back into the now and clear you mind.

  2. Marcos July 12, 2012 at 9:54 pm #

    Thank you, I just added this to my favorites, I think the first one nailed it, talking when mad only makes things worse.

  3. Calcifer August 10, 2012 at 5:39 pm #

    Right. Well too bad none of this will work when my mom’s chasing me around the house and throwing comments designed specifically to make me really angry and defensive and/or hurt me. Any ideas?

  4. Ali August 27, 2012 at 7:11 am #

    Great article, love the way you simply explained the ways to overcome anger, and so practical too. I actually myself had a really bad temper but managed to control it. I also read that if you are angry all the time you are a person with a bad luck: http://pranaworld.net/frequent-anger-brings-bad-luck/ it was actually interesting. thanks again for the great work, keep it up :)

  5. John September 4, 2012 at 5:46 am #

    This is some great advice.

    Another author also recommends many similar techniques and has put them into an 8 step process. He also suggests the use of meditation, but in a somewhat different manner – to get to the root of the pain that fuels our anger. Here’s a video where he describes his technique (also with a free ebook):

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbQV_CgtaBo

    I’ve found that acknowledging and working with anger is far healthier than suppressing it which for me led to irrational outbursts. Christopher Nevill also has a book out which you can check out over here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008KJM3A8

  6. shytana September 14, 2012 at 6:38 am #

    great advice but i have tried most of them & i still get angry a lot HELP!!

  7. shytana September 14, 2012 at 6:40 am #

    by the way just added you 2 my favorites

  8. Betty Philips October 18, 2012 at 9:28 am #

    I think meditation is the best solution for me dealing with anger. And then smile and look through all the positive sides and remembering only beautiful moments.

  9. jagruti October 27, 2012 at 2:54 am #

    thanx it helped me with completing my school projet!!

  10. Hussain December 21, 2012 at 12:14 pm #

    I have heard , that using pearl can help reduce anger is it true..please help me. All my loved once are going away cox of ma ANGER..PLZ HELP…

  11. zilani December 28, 2012 at 6:07 am #

    found it good

    worth reading

  12. zula August 20, 2013 at 3:43 pm #

    this has really helped me and i really like this. i try not to disrespect my parents because i love them very much, and they mean the world to me. i love you mom and dad and im trying my hardest

  13. danny February 23, 2014 at 1:42 am #

    This advice makes common ground but what happens when the anger is justified? What happens when someone uses your ability to remain calm to their advantage? What happens when someone takes pleasure in bullying you, taking advantage of you, or abusing their power over you? I have a hard to believing that in circumstances this advice works. Sometimes it is important to fight back, to draw boundaries, to make clear that no means no in your book. I’m torn with this advice….but that does not mean I don’t find it valuable.

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