Arguing can be an emotionally draining experience, so we need to be careful in how we prepare and engage in argument. This is not so much a guide on how to win arguments; it is more a guide on when to argue and how to conduct an argument.

Don’t insist on having the last word.

Focus on getting your argument across effectively and coherently; when you have adequately explained your position don’t feel a necessity to keep repeating yourself. There are some people who will never want to admit defeat; no matter what you say they will want to keep arguing. There are occasions when you just need to let people have the last word; having the last word does not mean you have won the argument.

Silence can be a very powerful Argument

True words aren’t eloquent;
eloquent words aren’t true.
Wise men don’t need to prove their point;
men who need to prove their point aren’t wise.

Tao Te Ching verse: 81

Foolish people will want to pick arguments over inconsequential things. Great thinkers and innovators are often criticised, only because people are suspicious of new things. If these pioneers stopped to argue with all the self styled critics, the evolution of the world would have been a lot slower. This is the art of knowing when to argue and when to remain silent. If you have faith in an idea or vision, don’t stop to have meaningless arguments. Often great people aren’t appreciated until they are dead; but, truly great people don’t create a lasting legacy through engaging in arguments with critics.

Pick the Right Argument to have

You could spend all day finding reasons to argue with other people. But, if we are honest, arguments rarely have much benefit. An argument should be seen as the last alternative; only argue where it would compromise some significant principle. If possible try to find a way to suggest ideas in a non confrontational way. If we need to challenge someone’s opinion’s there may be better ways of doing this than a head-on argument.

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Does life often get you down? Life can be tough, but,  there are also a few things we can do to easily brush away some of the common difficulties.

Common Problems and how to deal with it

Lack of Money

It is easy to feel that if we could just get a few thousand more dollars – all our problems would be solved. However, you may find even if you won a thousand dollars, you would still want more. Life will always create money worries – the important thing is how to deal with them. Try to keep money in its proper place, don’t let it dominate your life. Take practical steps to improve your financial situation, but try also to be content with your current situation; it is a mistake to always feel that a lack of money is our most significant problem.

Lack of Motivation

Often we know what we should do, but, we feel no inclination to start. A lack of motivation means that we never try new things and life can easily become stale. A lack of motivation is related to a feeling of boredom and self doubt. There are many practical ways to overcome a lack of motivation; the most important thing is just to start new projects. Often when we make the initial first step, we realise it is not as difficult as we feared. It can also be important to set goals, if we make certain targets it becomes harder to find excuses and avoid doing it.

Problems keep repeating themselves

Quite often, when we solve or avoid a problem, it repeats itself through another person or another experience. This can be dispiriting because it seems we will never be able to gain peace of mind. The solution is not to keep trying to avoid the problem, when we have a defect in our character the problem will keep appearing. To resolve this kind of problem we need to take a fresh perspective and try to understand the underlying cause of the problem. This may require some honest self criticism. Look at your motives and thoughts and see whether you can approach issues from a different perspective.

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Life will always present us with awkward, difficult people; and unless you want to live in a Himalayan cave you will have to learn how to deal with these people. We should not let difficult people, spoil our inner equanimity; with the right attitude we can maintain our peace of mind even when dealing with unpleasant people. These are some suggestions for dealing with awkward people.

1. Don’t Think about Them All the Time

Sometimes when people cause us difficulties they start to dominate our thoughts; this makes their presence seem very close. However, it is best to think about them as little as possible. Instead, concentrate on things and people who inspire you. Thinking about difficult people is not going to change how they behave, but it will cause us unhappiness.

2. Don’t Expect to Change Them.

Awkward and unpleasant people are the least likely to be willing to change themselves. Don’t take it upon yourself to try and change their behaviour; you will all most certainly fail. Furthermore, they will probably resent your interference and this will create further difficulties.

3. Don’t feel guilt

If people create problems in our life we can start to feel guilty, even though we have done nothing wrong. In cases like this
we have to be detached; it is not our fault problems are created. As long as we seek to maintain a good attitude, that is all that matters.

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It is estimated that 20% of adults at some time are suffering from depression. It is a difficult experience to go through, but, it is also difficult for the friends and families who live with those suffering from depression. The extent of depression varies, but, everyone will at some time encounter friends who are feeling unhappy and miserable. On these occasions what is the best approach to take?

Some ideas on How to Deal With depressed People:

Be Happy Don’t be Depressed

This is really important. The best antidote to depression is the opposite – happiness. If you can remain cheerful and positive, this will imperceptibly rub off on the other person. This does not mean we have to maintain an over the top, happy persona, – this will just be irritating. However, it is a mistake to feel that we need to empathise with their depression so much that we become depressed ourselves.

Be Patient

If people experience a lasting period of depression, the last thing they need to hear is the retort – “O why don’t you just snap out of it.” Maybe this is appropriate for temporary bad moods, but, in the case of depression we can not expect an immediate fix. It is important to remain patient and understanding. We should not impose a time limit when we expect the depression to end. Patience is important and we should not become frustrated when our friends fail to resolve their difficulties

Don’t Be Judgemental

It is important to offer support to people without offering constant judgement about what is right and wrong. It is very helpful to listen to the problems of other people. This is not so we can tell them what to do; often just listening to others, gives them the opportunity to work out their own problems.
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If you find yourself stuck in a rut, life can become monotonous, dreary and uninspiring. It is easy to feel life is going nowhere, especially if we have problems at work or with family. To bring newness into our lives we need to first realise that we are actually stuck in a rut. After that we can make a conscious decision to rejuvenate our lives.

Here are some Practical Tips to Get out of a Rut.

1. Set Challenges

Personal challenges are a very powerful way of motivating yourself to do something new. If there is no target it is easy to make a half-hearted effort and give up. However, when we have something very clear to aim for, it is much more likely we will actually make something happen.

2. Focus on the Present Moment

Do you spend alot of time regretting the past? Everyone makes decisions they later regret, but, if you become consumed with regret you will not be able to move forward and forget the experience. Don’t be preoccupied with the past and future, try to enjoy the present moment.

3. Do Without Some Everyday things

It is easy to get into a routine where we spend several hours doing the same uninspiring activities. If you are addicted to watching TV, surfing the net or playing computer games, make a decision to do without them for a day or week; this will force you to do something completely different. This does not mean you have to give up watching TV completely. It is just that if we become totally absorbed in one activity, it leaves no opportunity for discovering newness in our life.

4. Learn a new Skill

There are many things that we could use to improve our life. Learning a new skill gives us the opportunity to find a new avenue for creativity and inspiration. In the process of learning we can get a feeling of self improvement. This is the best antidote to being stuck in a rut.

5. Do Something for Other People

When we live only for our own pleasure, there feels something lacking. When we do something selflessly for other people, we bring out the best in ourselves. Offering useful service to other people is highly rewarding.

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• Listen to the promptings of the heart a little more, and listen to the complaints of the mind a little less.

O my mind,
You talk too much!
Do follow my heart
That lives in silence.

- Sri Chinmoy

• Value Inner Peace above all other desires. – If we have inner peace we will be content no matter how many material possessions we have.
• Be a good listener. Don’t always talk about Yourself.
• Don’t expect from other people. If you expect from other people you will be disappointed at some time.
• Be willing to do things without demanding recognition. It is only the ego that wants recognition.
• Think of others more than you think of yourself. Self-giving is the secret of happiness.
• Avoid acting or speaking when angry or upset. If you wait your mood will improve and you will avoid regretting it later.
• Be Tolerant of Others. People are trying in their own way to do the right thing.
• Don’t try and do two things at once. If you are with someone, give your whole attention to them, – don’t be planning how to pay your gas bill.
• Don’t Try to Impress Others. There is no need.

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.”

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We can easily spend 8 hours a day working, yet to find just 30 minutes for our own relaxation can seem very difficult. Many beginners to meditation state that a big difficulty is finding time to meditate. However, if we really want to do something – we can make time. Here are a few suggestions for finding time for meditation or a moment of relaxation.

1. Create Your Own Time.

If we wait until we have done everything else and then meditate, we will always be struggling to find time. The best way to create time is to set a fixed time for the specific purpose of our own meditation. This can be for 15 minutes or it can be for half an hour. The important thing is that we will see this time as non negotiable. Other things can always wait. The advantage of a certain fixed time, for our own personal development, is that we will feel relaxed in this time. We will know that during this period there will be no other demands on our time. This is essential to creating a feeling of relaxation. Work out a suitable time for creating your own space and time. You may find that early in the morning is very conducive to meditation.

2. Don’t Do Things Twice.

How often do we find ourselves watching the same news on two different occasions? If you watch the news on several different times and then read the same items on the internet we are gaining nothing extra but just wasting our time. This principle can be used for many different scenarios. The important thing is that we avoid going over the same ground twice. If you have checked your email half an hour ago, there is no need to do it again.

3. Get Up Early.

Morning is the best part of the day, but, it is easy to waste it – lying in bed for longer than necessary. Often we get up early in the week, but, then sleep in at the weekend. However, there is no reason to lose time, just because it is the weekend. Dozing in bed does not make us less tired – even if our mind likes us to think so. Make a determined effort to get up earlier and maintain a regular time for every day. The secret to successful sleeping is to get into a pattern of getting up early and then sticking to it.

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When we wish to improve our life we assume we need to make radical changes. We look for some programme or person who will fundamentally change our life. However, with this attitude we forget that we can radically change our life just by making a few small changes.

Try these suggestions and consider what impact they have.

Be patient

When you are standing in a line waiting for slow customer service, instead of getting frustrated see this as an opportunity to remain calm and peaceful. Many people regularly get upset and angry because of small defects in the quality of a good / service. However, becoming upset does not help in any way; all you do is to try and spread your unhappiness. The next time you are victim to an unavoidable delay, don’t lose your equanimity, but be patient. If you can retain peace of mind in these situations you life will benefit immeasurably. All we are trying to do is change our habitual response and perspective to these unavoidable events.

Smile.

A smile costs nothing, but it creates a powerful positive vibration. When we smile we are offering our good will to the other person. Furthermore, this good will is much more effective than anything we can say. We should not just smile at our friends, but also at those who cause us consternation. If our smile is sincere it can remove many negative feelings and defuse tense situations. People will unconsciously respond positively to us when we smile. Whatever the situation, smiling will help. Research also suggests that smiling helps ourselves.

Smile, my heart, smile.
Your smile means so much to me,
Your smile feeds my reality within,
Your smile liberates me from world-clamour and
world-din.
Smile, my heart, smile.
Smile at least once in a while.

- Sri Chinmoy
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In Modern Life there are a seemingly endless series of options and avenues. At each turn, life seems to present numerous complications. It becomes hard to resist the allure of doing more things and trying to solve a myriad of problems. However,  we are often, consciously or unconsciously, yearning for a more simple approach to life. If we can make an effort to bring more simplicity into our lives, we will find many benefits arise.

1. Peace of Mind.
   Simplicity doesn’t necessarily involve living in a Spartan hut. Real simplicity begins in the mind. If we have numerous anxieties and problems it is not possible to have peace of mind. Simplicity means we learn to clear the mind and not allow ourselves to be bombarded by an endless stream of needless thoughts.
2. Living in the present.
   Complication in life often arises because  we are worrying and planning about the future. We can become so concerned about what may happen tomorrow or next year that we forget to enjoy the present moment. To have one’s focus on the here and now, is to encompass life as it is supposed to be.
3. Less Planning and Thinking
   When we complicate life through our endless planning we bring tomorrow’s problems into today. Yet it is always worth remembering that our worries and fears about the future often prove to be groundless.
4. Avoiding Judgement.
   It is part of human nature to criticise and judge other people. It is very easy to make a long list of complaints and suggestions about other people. But does it help us when we highlight the faults of others? We should feel that we are not responsible for other people’s thoughts and behaviour. If we feel it is our bounden duty to change others, there can be no simplicity and peace in our life. Rather than try to change others, let us just try to focus on changing ourselves. Our own weaknesses are probably more than enough to deal with.
5. Focus and Achievement
   Simplicity enables more to be achieved. Simplicity means that we are focused on one thing at a time. Simplicity means we can put all our concentration on just one thing. If we perform an action with no distractions then we can fulfil it quicker and more successfully. Often, when we simplify our life, we find we can actually achieve more than when we juggled several things at once.

“The simpler we can become, the sooner we shall reach our destination. A life of simplicity is a life of constant progress. It is in simplicity that we can make the fastest progress, progress which is everlasting.”

- Sri Chinmoy

6. Simplicity and Beauty.
   Simplicity is often synonymous with beauty. For example, Zen gardens are uncluttered and simple, yet in that simplicity there is a beauty which appeals to our soul. It is the same with Mother Nature; the essence of nature is its unspoilt beauty. Has man ever been able to improve on the beauty and simplicity of nature?
7. Happiness
   Be happy with what we have. As George Bernard Shaw aptly said

“There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart’s desire; the other is to get it.”

The nature of desire is that the more we get the more we want. When we get a new car, often after a while we are not satisfied and want to get something better. However real happiness comes when we are content with what we have and are free of desire.

Photo by: Ranjit Swanson, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries (from Nepal)