Month: May 2010

The Power of Giving

I rarely get inspiration from TV. At best, it is a bit of occasional light relief and relaxation through good comedies. But, yesterday there was an interesting programme on BBC about How To Live A Simple Life. A church of England Vicar, Peter Owen Jones, went on week long travel living according to the philosophy of St Francis Of Assisi. This meant owning no possessions or money but relying on the goodwill of strangers for food / shelter and travel.

St Francis of Assisi philosophy was radical to say the least. He felt this lifestyle was the best way to live the spirit of the Gospels. To give up material possessions, makes one dependent on other people. Our ego hates this because we like to be self-sufficient; the idea of relying on the good will of strangers is difficult. There is also tremendous uncertainty. It requires faith, detachment from difficulties and a positive attitude to look for the good in humanity.

St Francis taught that this lifestyle has many benefits. It gave people the opportunity to give. When we selflessly give to others we can get great joy. By begging for food, the wandering mendicant learns to humble his pride. It is also an opportunity to connect with people in a meaningful way. If we are self-sufficient we can easily ignore other people. We can drive past in our comfortable air-conditioned car. But, when we are reliant on the good will of others it forces us to make friends with strangers. We may meet with well meaning rejection, but, we can also find and appreciate the good will of others whom we otherwise would have met.

I don’t have any inspiration to start following the life of St Francis (though I admire him deeply).  But, it nevertheless did raise some thought-provoking ideas.

The Joy of Giving.

It was heart-warming to see the genuine joy strangers got from giving. (A cynic will argue the presence of TV cameras offered an extra motivation for goodwill.) But, that aside, I think people were genuinely operating from their heart. It is also giving without expectation of reward. When we give to a stranger we may never meet again, we are giving without condition.

Of course, we don’t have to wait for a wandering Franciscan monk in order to be able to give (they aren’t exactly very common in Oxford). We can give where-ever we are. Even the poorest can offer a smile and expression of good-will to those who we meet. This in itself can mean a lot. It also means considering the well being of others, and how we can be of service to them.

Also, when giving we have to make sure we are giving with the right motives. Is it for the reward of name and fame or because of an inner prompting? We should feel giving is its own reward.

Fear of Strangers.

I think in us all, we have a fear of the unknown. At the same time our inner nature, instinctively wants to feel connected / empathise with other people, to offer food / shelter to others is an almost instinctive reaction. It was interesting to see this play between the two forces.

I couldn’t help think of whether I would have given to a dishevelled wanderer who claimed to be without money? My instinctive reaction is to ignore beggars, because I tend to assume they are professional beggars – giving to them may be not the best form of charity.

I think you can get a feeling whether a person is sincere or not – whether he is sincerely in need. Hopefully, I would have felt the vicar’s sincerity. But, if I was in a rush, I could have easily gone into defense mode and rushed past head down. It is perhaps understandable if people ignore others. But, it is a shame.

Self-Sufficiency.

If we have a feeling of self-sufficiency we can easily have an attitude of haughtiness, pride and even disdain for others. Often the ego aims for self-sufficiency, but, this is not desirable. It is good to be willing to give to others. But, it is also important to be willing to receive without feeling bad. Some people are very good at giving but too proud to receive.

He mistakenly feels
That what others have to offer him
Is of no value.
In the name of self-sufficiency
He is just riding his own ego-horse.

– Sri Chinmoy (1)

What is Important in Life?

In life it is easy to get stuck in a rut. We get on an escalator of money, career and family. We move in a certain circle around certain values. But, is this what we want? Is this the most fulfilling way. I love the idea of placing yourself in radically different environments to see life from a different perspective. I admire the vicar – he must be in his 50s. It is no mean feat to give up all creature comforts and make yourself reliant on the good will of others. (even if he does have a TV crew for backup) 🙂

Related

(1) Excerpt from Twenty-Seven Thousand Aspiration-Plants, Part 18 by Sri Chinmoy

Photo by Pavitrata, Sri Chinmoy Center Galleries

Thinking of Others

lakedistrict

Instead of thinking
Of everyone,
Just love everyone.

– Sri Chinmoy (1)

I was reading some aphorisms in a book when I came across this short poem, and it hit me like a proverbial metaphysical sledgehammer (whatever that might be) over the head. It made me realise how I waste too much time thinking of others.

We all have a tendency to think of others a lot. We sometimes remember their good qualities and how they helped us. But, unfortunately, we tend to think about how others have aggrieved us or let us down or how they are far from perfect. When we think of others, we can’t help judging them. When we are judging people we are not loving them. Love is not love when we spend all the time ruminating over their imperfections. As the immortal bard said with poetic brilliance.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:

– William Shakespeare Sonnet 116

Avoiding Speculation

One of the most dangerous characteristics of our mind / thought process is to engage in speculation over potential outcomes. Our mind can come up with fantastic speculations, often fearing the worst outcome / worst motive of others. When we let the mind run riot, our thinking can gradually become divorced from reality; we can start assigning motives and false ideas about friends and families. This can be the cause for deep misunderstanding. (See: How to avoid misunderstanding) This is a good reason to spend less time thinking / speculating.

How To Love Others

What does it mean to love others? Perhaps it is hard to say, if the poets struggle, how can we write about love adequately? But, I think we can more easily say what real love is not. If our love is conditional, if we expect certain things to be reciprocated, this is just emotional attachment (See: difference between love and emotional dependence). Love is not judging the person with our critical mind. It is not about getting angry with someone because they are falling below our expected standards. We could say love is an instinctive emotion / quality; it is only that love often gets clouded with the darkness of our mind and thoughts. If we can avoid clouding our opinions with negativity, then naturally we will be offering our good will to others.

It is said that we hate whom we really wish to love. Hate is just blocking the natural flowing nature of love. If we remove barriers such as hate, then we can love others spontaneously and unconditionally.

Practical Steps To Take

Don’t Brood. When we brood, we inevitably spend our time thinking, (rarely positive) thoughts. Rather than brood, it is much more worthwhile to move forward, to do something positive. If we spend time with other people in a positive activity, we haven’t got time to brood over our inner thoughts – nursing minor grievances and feelings of being hard done to.

Don’t Think anything you wouldn’t say aloud. This is a bit of a challenge. Analyse your thoughts that come through your mind; would you be embarrassed to speak them out aloud in front of other people? We shouldn’t feel thoughts are not important because only we can hear them. They are important – they determine our mood, they affect the energy we offer to other people. We can choose whether to send good will or send our judgemental thoughts. There is a big difference between the two.

To some extent our thoughts will create outer circumstances. If we are constantly thinking negative thoughts about other people, it will inevitable create outer difficulties in our relationship with other people.

Thinking of Others Before Ourselves

One thing we often are told to do is to think of others before ourselves. What this implies is that we consider their needs / welfare; how can we help / serve others. This encourages us to be self-giving and selfless. It encourages us to offer good will to others. It doesn’t mean we just sit thinking of them. This is a practical implementation of love. When we put others before ourself, we are expanding our sense of self and becoming less selfish.

Further Reading

Photo: Suswara, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries. (Monks Cave, Kirkstone Pass, Lake District)

1) Seventy-Seven Thousand Service-Trees vol 31 by Sri Chinmoy

How To Change Yourself For the Better

It is often said that human nature is as stubborn as a mule. It is said, you can’t change the spots on a Dalmatian, nor can you change the stubbornness of the human mind. But, change is not only possible, it is inevitable at some stage in our evolution. To change ourselves is certainly the greatest challenge that we can take up, it is also the most rewarding activity that we can do.

How To Change?

We Need to Want To Change.

We have to feel the necessity of changing our nature. If we don’t want to change, how can we expect the universe to do it for us when we are sleeping in the land of nod? If we understand the benefits of changing, half the battle is won. This is essentially a choice to be happy rather than unhappy. If we cling to jealousy, despair and self-pity we will only bring unhappiness onto ourselves. If we wish to be genuinely happy, we have to understand the necessity of overcoming our weakness and undivine qualities.

The Inner Cry

We can’t change human nature with a proud and haughty attitude. When we inwardly cry for our nature’s transformation it becomes possible. To inwardly cry for a better life, is to sincerely reject our wrong thoughts, and wrong state of mind. The inner cry is never an ostentatiously display of emotion. It is a private aspiration, it is our real humility coming to the fore. When we inwardly cry for change, we let go of our pride and self-sufficiency. It is in this state that we will feel sweetness and softness; we will see the futility of our self-imposed lofty pride and unhappiness.

Persistence and Determination

Many people know what to do,
But few care how to do,
And fewer still dare to do.

– Sri Chinmoy (1)

We cannot change human nature overnight. We need persistence. We need to constantly reject the onset of negative thoughts as often as they come to us. We need to remember constantly what we want to change into. As soon as we start taking the wrong approach we need to check ourselves and put us back on track.

Play Tricks

If all fails, we can play tricks on ourselves. Even if we are insincere we can smile at others. We can try to offer something to other people. We may feel that we are being insincere, and we don’t really mean it. But, it is much better to offer an insincere smile than a sincere growl. We may start off with insincerity, but, we may end up believing our own tricks. Our insincere smile will turn into a sincere and genuine happiness.

Don’t Brood.

The worst stumbling block to change is to brood on our shortcomings, limitations and misdeeds. Our mind has remarkable capacity to heighten and magnify our problems. Before we know it, a small problem has magnified into the pinnacle of despair. However, this is only strengthening our ego; it is only strengthening our weaknesses and problems. It is always better to be active, to talk, to do something positive. When we are in a negative frame of mind it is not the time to be silent and lethargic.

Don’t Let Your Pride Hold You Back.

Often part of us wants to change, but, there is a part of us which consciously or subconsciously wants to hold on to the undivine part of us. There is a subtle pride in maintaining our grimness, our misery. We feel that to be happy is to humble our ego. The problem is we come to identify ourselves with this part of us which is holding us back. If we see our own folly it becomes easier to let go of it. Again the key is we need to want to change.

Be Selfless.

It may be difficult to change for ourselves, but, it is easier to change when we think of others. If we love people we will want to offer something positive and not something negative which holds them back and makes them suffer too.

Related

(1) Excerpt from Twenty-Seven Thousand Aspiration-Plants, Part 151

photo: Pranlobha, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries

Tips for Meditation

Recently, I offered a few meditation exercises. For those interested in meditation, these are a few practical tips that I have felt worked for me during the past 11 years of meditating every day.

Great Power in Group Meditation.

Meditation is about consciousness. If other people are aspiring to the same meditative consciousness it becomes easier for you to be receptive to it. If you are  in New York Times Square, meditation will feel practically impossible. Of course, when we are very advanced, we will have the ability to meditate anywhere, but, in the beginning we should take any help we can get. In the beginning we will make more progress by meditating in sacred spaces and with others who are experienced in meditation.

Feel Thoughts as Separate from Yourself.

In the beginning it is very difficult to stop thoughts coming. But, you can feel thoughts as separate from yourself. Feel that each thought is coming from outside, and you can be like a gatekeeper allowing or stopping them. For a while, thoughts will keep coming into your mind. But, when you start to feel thoughts are separate to your real existence, they lose half their power. It is this feeling of separation from your thoughts that enables you to finally silence the mind.

It is not Like Turning on a Light Switch.

Meditation is a gradual process. You can’t expect instant enlightenment. It requires constant vigilance and practise. But, sometimes when you least expect it, you will be able to go much deeper than ever before.

Soulful Music

Meditation is a sacred activity. It is an awareness of a divine consciousness. Anything that turns the mind to loftier thoughts and experiences will help us in our meditation. We need to feel an aspiration to grow into something more fulfilling and illumining. Soulful music or writings by Spiritual Masters and great seekers can give us that inspiration to delve deep within.

Try a Different Place

We are used to living and identifying with the mind. The nature of the mind is to think, judge and separate. These qualities of the mind are the opposite to true meditation, so if you have difficulty quietening the mind, try focusing on the heart. You have to put your whole attention and concentration on this place in the centre of your chest. Try to feel that your whole existence has become your heart.

Don’t Judge Your Meditation

It is easy to become frustrated that our meditation is not progressing as we would like. Don’t hold onto expectations of certain experiences, concentrate on being in the present moment without judgement. If we are drawn to meditation every day, this alone is a good sign. Don’t give up just because one morning it was difficult; just try again at a more conducive time.

“When you meditate, please do not expect anything either from yourself or from God. You will be able to make the fastest progress if you do not expect anything from your meditation.”

– Sri Chinmoy (1)

Related

Ref:

(1) Concentration, Meditation – Yoga of Sri Chinmoy

Self Improvement Tips

To make spiritual progress, certain qualities are indispensable. It is not enough to buy a few books and find the right spiritual path. You can surround yourself with the best wisdom and enlightened souls, but if we cling to our pride, stubbornness or a distorted view of reality, our progress can be worse than useless.

These are some Qualities essential for Self Improvement.

Honesty With Yourself.

There is a saying ‘The Truth Hurts’. In one sense the truth will hurt our ego or pride. But, to make progress it is essential we can be honest with ourselves. This means we are perfectly clear on our own inner motives. We may be able to fool other people we are acting selflessly, we may even be able to fool ourselves, but, if we can fool ourselves how can we make progress?

“Try to make yourself honest. If you become honest, then rest assured there will be one rascal less in the world.”

– Thomas Carlyle

For example, maybe we are unhappy with someone close to us. If we are honest, we will recognise that part of us is jealous of their success and / or feel insecure that we are no longer so valuable. However, the nature of our mind is that we tend to ignore our own emotions of jealousy and concentrate on justifying why they are bad and holding us back. We might not like to admit we are jealous because we know we shouldn’t harbour such feelings. But, until we admit we are feeling jealous we will be unable to overcome it.

Don’t Practise Endless Self-Justification

Self Justification is an almost endless habit of human nature. It stems from the desire to protect our status, social recognition and ego. When things are going wrong, we try to blame other people, external situations, anything but take responsibility for our own mistakes or wrong attitude.

If there is a real misunderstanding, then clearing it up can be helpful. The problem comes when we expend so much energy on justifying our wrong actions we almost come to believe we haven’t done anything wrong and so we effectively perpetuate our wrong attitudes and thoughts.

I am at once a fool and a rogue
When I blame others
For my own misdeeds.

– Sri Chinmoy (1)

This is closely related to being honest with ourselves.

Willingness to Change.

The nature of the mind is that it always likes to think it is right. Whatever idea / thoughts come into the mind, we always think we are right and everyone else is wrong. This can also breed a sense of self-righteousness and moral superiority.

We have to be very careful with out mental judgements. When we judge a situation or other people, we have to be aware we are only seeing part of the situation / part of the problem. The mind latches onto a few mistakes, but we need to remember the good qualities of the person. If we use our heart more we would be much less judgemental.

We also have to bear in mind, we may be wrong, or at least partly wrong. And where we are wrong, we have to be willing to change. To cling to misplaced ideas just because we don’t like to admit we are wrong, may have a place in the political world, but, in the spiritual world, it is just self-defeating.

“The man who never alters his opinion is like standing water, and breeds reptiles of the mind.”

~William Blake

Be Careful of the Ego.

One of the main aspects of self-improvement is diminishing the importance of our egoism. At the start we cannot eliminate our ego completely. But, we can be aware of the ego’s demands for name and fame. We try to be less influenced by the ego and be more humble. But, the ego is tricky,  instead of being proud of worldly accomplishments, the ego can subtly become proud of its spiritual achievements – ‘O how spiritual I am! We may not say it outwardly, but, part of us is feeling that. In a way a the spiritual ego is much worse than an ordinary ego. When we become proud of our spirituality / religion, we become self-righteousness with a subtle feeling of moral superiority. We have to be very careful of the ego’s emotions and intentions and make sure it doesn’t sneak in an unexpected guise.

Patience and Persistence.

For thousands of years, man has been trying to perfect his human nature. Some spiritual paths suggest the cycle of perfection can take hundreds or thousands of human incarnations. Whether we believe in reincarnation or not, we have to admit that transforming human nature is a long and gradual path. Of course, it is not all difficulty and problems; it can be very rewarding to make progress, but at the same time we have to have patience and a steady perseverance. There is nothing to be gained by an impatient desire to expect instant perfection.

Cheerfulness.

When we are happy we can make progress. If we cling to unhappiness and dissatisfaction, progress will remain a far cry.  Cheerfulness requires a good balance in life. It involves having a childlike attitude. Sometimes, part of us feels attracted to suffering; we subtly hold onto a feeling of being wronged, suffering. This can be very pervasive and difficult to get rid of. But, we need to be cheerful.

“For joy and not for sorrow earth was made.”

– Sri Aurobindo, Savitri

Related

(1) Excerpt from Twenty-Seven Thousand Aspiration-Plants, Part 222 by Sri Chinmoy