Sri Chinmoy Inspiration | Self Improvement for daily Life

Humility means giving joy to others

By tejvan on June 8, 2013 in life

Humility is a wonderful quality. People are definitely attracted to humility and often repelled by the opposite. If we can learn to value humility, we will gain real joy and improve our relationships with others tremendously. But, what is humility? What does it mean to be humble?

Giving joy to others. This is a striking definition of humility. We simply choose and attitude that helps to give joy to other people. It means avoiding meanness and jealousy, but seeking to help others to be happy.

“…True humility is something totally different; it is the feeling of oneness. Humility means giving joy to others. If you have not established or cannot establish your inner oneness with others, then you can try to make them feel that they are as important as you, if not more so. “

- Sri Chinmoy “Does humility mean taking a back seat” – A God-lover heaven-life part 1

Bringing others forward. Real humility will make others feel good. It requires us to always value the achievements and contributions of others. Even if they have unfortunate experiences or less talent, we will still try to bring them forward and make them feel valued. This is very important because when we try to sincerely value others, we reduce our own feelings of self-importance and ego.

Modesty. Taking a back seat is not necessary humility. Sometimes, we make a big fuss of taking the back seat – almost unconsciously, we are wanting to show others that we are being humble; we try to make a display of our humility. But, sometimes, it might be necessary to stand in the limelight. The important thing is not to see it as a show of superiority. We can feel part of an integral team, but with someone having to be the figurehead. Humility means we are willing to play many different roles, each role with the same detachment and modesty.

Real tests of humility

Be equal in your affection. It is easy to bring people we like to the fore, but humility means we need to be equally fair in our treatment. We need to be willing to bring anyone to the fore, even those who we may not instinctively like. Remember the test of humility – can you give joy to others – that includes those whom you really might not want to. Continue Reading →

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Dealing with criticism

By tejvan on June 1, 2013 in life

It’s easy to be critical of the world, but it’s much more difficult to deal with criticism directed at ourselves. Criticism is something we often like to give, but not really receive. However, no matter how saintly we might or might not be, we will get plenty of practise for dealing with criticism at some stage of our lives. When we are faced with criticism it can be an unpleasant experience, but equally if we take it with the right spirit, we can use it all for our advantage.

These are some tips for dealing with criticism.

1. Take a deep breath and don’t react. The problem with criticism is that we can feel an instinctive need to defend ourselves and argue. Often this is not necessary. Remember to separate your ego from the real self. If you are hurt by criticism, just remind yourself that it is only your ego that is hurt. Who you are really are – the soul – is not affected in anyway. With time, you will be able to respond in a more measured, positive way.

2. Separate emotion and substance What can you learn from the criticism? Sometimes, useful suggestions are given in the form of criticism. If we strip away the other persons’ emotion and unfortunate choice of words, there may be some suggestions and advice that we can usefully take on board. It is a good lesson to let go of our pride and see wisdom, even in a disguised form.

3. Life isn’t about immediate perfection. Sometimes we set up a false goal of perfection, but life isn’t like this. It is impossible to get things 100% right all the time. The real perfection is making continued progress throughout life. To make progress, mistakes and faults are an inevitability. We should see criticism in this light of the necessary process of transformation and progress. Here we are simply changing our perspective to criticism. Rather than seeing criticism as a bad thing, we see it is part of our journey.

4. Tough love. There are many stories of spiritual Masters who seek to perfect their disciples through tough love. If they only praised their disciples, their ego would just grow and they would fail to make spiritual progress. However, through criticising their weaknesses, it gives a chance for the aspirant to break down their ego and bring their higher self to the fore. A realised soul will be completely unaffected by criticism because he is secure in knowing who he is. He doesn’t feel the need to defend himself because he has attained a state of consciousness that is unaffected by the world. This is what we can also strive to aim for – the equanimity and inner poise to deal with any criticism of the ego.

5. Don’t feel guilty. A deep and often misplaced sense of guilt is the worst way to take criticism. When we feel guilty, we feel unhappy and it is like placing a large stone around our neck. If we avoid feelings of guilt, it is much easier to take a positive and constructive approach. If we can remain happy and detached, then we will have the inspiration to make a better effort. But, if we react to criticism with guilt and misery, it will compound any problem. (overcoming guilt)

6. Keep a sense of balance. It is human nature to focus on the faults of other people and what is wrong. Unfortunately, people often criticise the 1% of things that are done wrong, but fail to mention the 99% of things that you do well. If you find yourself criticised, don’t forget to remember the positive things that you have done. Perhaps you might even be able to mention that when responding politely to their criticism. But, equally, don’t instantly dismiss criticism. It is unhelpful to feel useless or invincible and always right. In reality, it is always somewhere in between.

7. Criticism can be beneficial. Every time people criticise you outwardly, you can guarantee that silently they have been criticising you inwardly a lot more. Sometimes it is better to be open to criticism (or lets call it constructive advice) If people feel there is a forum for airing grievances, this will help improve relationships. If you can’t take criticism in any form, people may stop outwardly criticising you, but they will build up inner resentment, which is even worse.

Related

Photo top: Menaka, Sri Chinmoy Centre galleries

Poem: To-Morrow’s Dawn, Sri Chinmoy

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Who do you want to be?

By tejvan on May 25, 2013 in life

When I was young, I was often asked – what do you want to be when you grow up? The answer people were looking for was something along the lines of – stockbroker or management consultant. This is what we can grow up thinking life is all about – what can we become? how will we be perceived by society? Because of these subtle pressures, we can unconsciously start to define ourselves by the job we hold or our status in society.

But, imagine we could start with a clean sheet of paper and we had the opportunity to create the person we really want to be. What do we consider important? What qualities would we like to have? What aspects of ourselves would we want to transform?

This exercise is not about creating outer circumstances and outer status, it is about thinking about the person we want to be.

In the spiritual life, transformation is not easy. But, if we don’t have a clear idea of where we want to go, it is nearly impossible. If we can challenge ourselves to keep asking – what do we want to be? then we can at least have a clear idea of where we want to go.

Here is a simple exercise we can all do. Imagine that our thoughts had 100% power to manifest themselves. Suppose that whatever we wanted, we would get. If we wanted to be perfectly forgiving whatever other people did, we could become that. If we wanted to be happy whatever our outer circumstances, we could have that. For the moment, leave aside whether it’s feasible. Just feel anything is possible and imagine yourself as you really want to be. There are no limits, if you want to have a deep and abiding sense of peace all the time, why not choose that?

Factors that can help us in knowing what we want to be.

Appreciate good qualities in others. It is good to be inspired by the positive qualities of other people. This is not imitation. This is seeing good qualities and feeling that they can become part of ourself. If someone else can be resolutely cheerful, we can make this part of ourself. Continue Reading →

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The importance of happiness

By tejvan on May 18, 2013 in happiness

“Be happy
You will get what you like most. You will be what you like best.”

- Sri Chinmoy [1]

This is an extract from a poem by Sri Chinmoy on happiness. This particular line struck me as being quite revealing and informative.

Usually, with human nature, when we don’t get what we want, we feel unhappy. Then when we are unhappy, often – consciously or unconsciously – we make others unhappy. But, when we create this unhappiness vibration, it becomes hard to get what we want and it becomes impossible to be the person we want to be.

We need to break the cycle. We need to let go of our unhappiness and instead choose a very different approach. It is this approach of choosing happiness, which will help us to be the person we want to be. When we can create this good feeling, people are attracted to help and co-operate. It is this positive energy and infectious happiness, which will enable us to get want we want out of life.

‘Be happy, you will get what you like most‘ – An interesting thing is that Sri Chinmoy says that if we are happy, we will get what we like most. On the first reading, I thought, it read ‘Be happy, you will get what you want‘. But, of course, there is a considerable difference between getting what we think we want, and getting what gives us joy.

For example, we may have a great desire for people to act and behave in a certain way. When they disappoint us, we feel miserable because they are making our lives difficult. We don’t get what we want, and we are unhappy because we feel others are making our life unpleasant. However, a different approach is to be detached about expecting how other people behave. Rather than vainly hoping others will be the person we want them to be, we should concentrate on being happy with the situation we are in. With this changed happiness, we get the opportunity to be happy. Rather than being miserable because outer circumstances are not to our expectation, we are happy.

It is this cheerful happiness which means we get what we like most. The goal is not the outer circumstances, the goal is our happiness. If we can cultivate happiness, we will get what we like. What is the point in chasing false unrealistic goals if we don’t get happiness along the way?
Continue Reading →

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Benefits of writing

By tejvan on May 11, 2013 in writing

I see writing as a personal sadhana (spiritual discipline). It is creative, challenging, rewarding and requires considerable discipline. Through writing, you can help to clarify good ideas and also you can give yourself an added motivation and enthusiasm. Writing for an audience, even if very small, requires a degree of effort and willingness to be ready for both criticism and praise. The benefit of writing for an audience is that we need to consider what is good for other people; it forces us to lose an insular attitude, and this is beneficial for making us more aware of other people, it can help to make us a little less self-focused.

There are sometimes when writing comes easy, but there are many more times, when you need to work considerably hard to get started and have a go. But, it always feels a worthwhile endeavour.

Benefits of writing

It brings another aspect to a subject that you have a great passion for. I only write about subjects that interest me, cycling, spirituality, economics. They are all very different, but writing about it is a unique way to understand the subject in a different light.

Writing about spirituality is particularly beneficial. I’ve often said, it’s easier to write about how we should behave, than to actually live it. But, when writing about topics of self-improvement, it gives a very strong sense of reinforcement and motivation to try and live by the principles you write about. When teaching economics, I always tell my students 90% of learning is in teaching. This may sound confusing, but you don’t learn by just passively listening. You really learn when you try to explain what you’ve read about. This is why writing is so powerful. When we write we really need to improve our grasp of our particular philosophy. By the end, our conscious awareness and understanding is much stronger. By writing, we make the subject very real. This is why writing can help in a spiritual path, writing creates a much stronger clarity and understanding of the essential philosophy.

Writing gives us an opportunity for self-development. Sometimes when I see my own writing, I shrink away from it, almost embarrassed. When we write we put a part of ourselves out into the world. Writing becomes an opportunity to overcome any pride and insecurity. Writing is a challenge to write and offer something in a detached way.

A little benefit to other people. When I write, I do it out of a personal motivation. I never expect to change or influence anyone else. But, if it can give a little joy inspiration to other people, then it is an added bonus.

It is a creative use of time. In the internet age, there are so many distractions and ways to pass away time that it is easy to become a couch potato, or internet surfer. Writing invokes the creative part of the brain, and gives a sense of achievement that is very rewarding.

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Effective Ways To Get Out of a Negative Mindset

By tejvan on January 4, 2013 in self improvement

It is too easy to get into a negative mindset which invariably leads to unhappiness and depression. To avoid being overwhelmed by negativity we need to make a conscious effort to avoid the experience. When life seems like a perpetual dark tunnel these are some suggestions to change your outlook on life.

Don’t Cherish Destructive Thoughts.

Often we don’t realise how much we subconsciously cherish negative thoughts. It may seem counter intuitive, but often a negative frame of mind occurs because we won’t let go of the negative thoughts and ideas. Sometimes the mind clings on to these thoughts with a feeling of self pity or injured pride. We don’t like the negative frame of mind, but at the same time are we consciously trying to overcome it? The problem is that if the negative thoughts go round and round in our mind they can become powerful and we lose a sense of perspective. Just make a conscious decision to ignore the negative flow of thoughts and sentiments and be persistent in these attempts.

Do You want to be Happy or Miserable?

Do you want to be always happy?
Then give up fighting
For negativity
And learn the beautiful art
Of self-encouragement.

Sri Chinmoy [1]

We should feel a negative mindset is a choice. If we feel a victim to our own emotions and thoughts, nobody else will be able to help us. We should feel that by holding on to a negative frame of mind, we are inevitably choosing to be unhappy; each negative is a conscious decision to be miserable. If we really value the importance of our own inner peace and happiness, we will aspire to cultivate this through good, uplifting thoughts. Next time you feel the onset of a depressed state of mind, just ask yourself the question: Do I want to be happy or Miserable?

Spend Time With Positive People

The best antidote to negativity is simply to spend time doing positive, uplifting activities. Sometimes if we analyse and examine our own negativity it does nothing to reduce it. By engaging in useful fun activities, we forget about the reasons for our negativity; this is often the most powerful way to overcome a depressed state of mind.

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How to Do the Right Thing

By tejvan on November 18, 2012 in life

How can we learn to do the right thing? Quite often we know what the right thing is to do, but some force of habit holds us back. Perhaps we know what the right thing is, but we fear what people may say or we worry that it will be misunderstood. Other times, it is our own pride or insecurity which prevents us from doing the right thing. If we need more motivation and strength to do the right thing, there are a few things we can bear in mind.

river

Joy from doing the right thing

The most effective way to do the right thing is to bear in mind the joy we can get from doing the right thing. If we don’t follow our heart, there will always be some mental tension, some feeling of looking over our shoulder. But, if we do the right thing, we will get that precious joy that we are following the right road and being true to ourselves. As the immortal Shakespeare writes:

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!

- Hamlet, Act 1

This captures the poetic beauty of living true to ourselves. Even if temporarily difficult, this inner peace from our decision is very valuable. Bear in mind, that the inner peace and inner joy is the most valuable thing on earth, it is not something that can be bought.

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Irrational Thinking and How To Overcome it

By tejvan on November 17, 2012 in self improvement

sun

One of the biggest problems we have is the tendency for our mind to think in an irrational / unbalanced way. We see issues and other people through a clouded and fuzzy perspective. This judgement leads us to many problems, not least it makes life more stressful and depressing.

These are some of the common perspectives on life which are misleading.

Jumping to Conclusions

Often we jump to conclusions on a small fraction of evidence. Perhaps someone does not reply to our message at a particular point in time, we then project our own thoughts as to why this is. The mind creates a powerful scenario which we come to believe. Yet, our mental projections are often far from reality. To make things worse we often jump to conclusions in a negative way. The mind is suspicious of others’ intentions and we definitely create problems for ourselves by doubting our friends and relatives. We have to be very wary of jumping to conclusions; at the very least we should remind ourself our conclusion is likely to be wrong.

It may be unfortunate to be mistreated by others, but, it is much worse to have a suspicious mind

Black and White Thinking

We often come to see the world in black and white terms – either we are a total success or failure. Other people are either friends or enemies. The problem is that one small mistake can make us feel a total failure. For example, we say one wrong thing so then assume we have messed up a relationship with someone. On the other hand a small success can bloat us with pride. Life is never so clear cut; we have to avoid both the depths of despair and heights of vainglory. Rather than seeing ourselves as a total failure just see mistakes as stepping stones on the path to self-development.

Blaming other People for own Faults.

Often we sit in judgement on other people, but, if we were honest we would realise many of their faults we too share. We are not judging out of compassion but out of a sense of self-importance. The worst thing is when we do something wrong but seek to pass the blame onto other people – If only other people had done the right thing we would been fine. This is just our clever mind justify its wrong actions. But, with this attitude we will just continue doing the wrong thing and create more problems. We have to be honest with ourselves.

“We are our own fate-makers. To blame others for the unfavourable conditions of our lives is beneath our dignity. Unfortunately, this act of blaming others is one of man’s oldest diseases.”

- Sri Chinmoy [1]

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Tips for Dealing with Money

By tejvan on November 5, 2012 in life

It is said that the love of money is the root of all evil, but money is also an inescapable reality of life. Money can definitely create tension, worry, and put even the best friendships under strain. But, money is essential component of life, and if used properly it can be a force for good and contribute towards our happiness.

How can we learn to have a good attitude to money?

Money is a means to an end. It can be used for good purposes or it can be put to bad purposes. In this sense money is neutral – it is up to us to use it in a divine way and not misuse it.
If money is used in an appropriate way, it can contribute to our happiness. However, the unbridled pursuit of money will definitely cause us lose sight of the most valuable aspects of life – such as, cultivating inner peace and good relationships with others.
If we sacrifice our principles and sense of value, what is the use of money? We have to remember what gives us a true sense of happiness. The real happiness comes from being true to our self, to be self-giving and offer happiness to others. If we have to betray these ideals to gain money, then at best the money will buy us a false happiness.
Don’t worry! Money is probably the biggest cause of worry in modern life. Often it is the richest people who worry the most. The more we gain, the more we stand to lose. Learn to let go of worry – worry doesn’t help in anyway only makes us more tense. If you have real difficulties, just see what practical steps you can take. If you have a reasonably good financial situation, just enjoy it! Continue Reading →

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7 Effective ways for dealing with difficult people

By tejvan on November 3, 2012 in life

difficult people

Life will always present us with awkward, difficult people; and unless you want to live in a Himalayan cave you will have to learn how to deal with these people. We should not let difficult people spoil our inner equanimity; with the right attitude we can maintain our peace of mind even when dealing with unpleasant people. These are some suggestions for dealing with awkward people.

1. Don’t Think about Them All the Time

Sometimes when people cause us difficulties they start to dominate our thoughts; this makes their presence seem very close. However, it is best to think about them as little as possible. Instead, concentrate on things and people who inspire you. Thinking about difficult people is not going to change how they behave, but it will cause us unhappiness.

2. Don’t Expect to Change Them.

Awkward and unpleasant people are the least likely to be willing to change themselves. Don’t take it upon yourself to try and change their behaviour; you will all most certainly fail. Furthermore, they will probably resent your interference and this will create further difficulties. Instead we can maintain a cheerful detachment. If we don’t have any expectations, it becomes much easier to deal with.

3. Don’t feel guilt

If people create problems in our life we can start to feel guilty, even though we have done nothing wrong. In cases like this
we have to be detached; it is not our fault problems are created. As long as we seek to maintain a good attitude, that is all that matters.

If you want to transform your life
Radically,
Then immediately give up
Your false sense of teeming guilt.

Sri Chinmoy [1]

Continue Reading →

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