Self Improvement for daily Life

What is will power? Will power is the ability to do what we set out to do, without being sidetracked by doubt, hesitation and temptation. Will-power is the soul force which enables us to transcend the limitations of our self.

A person without will power is easily swayed and influenced. Without will-power we can feel a helpless victim to circumstances, other people, and our own thoughts.

To develop will power is to develop greater self-control and release our own hidden potential.

How To Develop Will Power

Exercise the Muscle.

Will-power should be seen like a muscle. If we train our muscle it gets stronger. If we don’t it gets weaker. Will power is not a heredity condition. It is something that we can develop.

Clear Focus.

Will power involves being one pointed and achieving a certain goal. If we are not entirely clear what we want to do, it is difficult to focus our will to doing it. When we attempt to do something, we need the co-operation of all parts of ourself. Don’t be in two minds, but decide exactly what you need to do and stick to it.

Will Power For the Positive.

It is better to develop will power for a positive goal, rather than using our will power to negate something.

“The easiest way to use will-power is to take the positive approach. Use will-power to do something positive, not to keep yourself from doing something negative. If we say, “I shall not tell a lie,” that is important. But if we say, “I shall tell the truth,” that will-power is more effective. When we say, “I won’t do it,” already the negative thing has half its power just because we are thinking about it. If we repeat in our mind, “I won’t be jealous,” the word ‘jealous,’ the negative quality that it embodies, ruins our mind and then we do become jealous.”

- Sri Chinmoy (1)

Ignore Silly thoughts.

It is human nature, that when we attempt something, silly thoughts appear in our mind to try and put us off. These thoughts have to be ignored. We have to see them as foreign entities. If we listen and accept every silly thought that comes into our mind, we will have no will power because our hyperactive mind will pull us in many different directions.

Concentration

Concentration and will-power are closely linked. If we develop our concentration which is our ability to remain one-pointed, we are at the same time developing our will power. See: Concentration exercise.

Never Give Up.

Will power doesn’t mean we have to always achieve at our first attempt. If we get pulled off our target, pay no attention and don’t allow despondency to enter. We need to keep trying. Persistence and patience are essential components of will-power.

Make It Easy Not Hard

If you want to give up smoking, avoid situations which encourage the craving. If you want to have the will-power to avoid chocolate, you wouldn’t buy the most tempting chocolates and invite your friends to come and eat them in front of you. Will-power also involves common sense to help us achieve our goal.

Understand Benefits and Costs.

To achieve something we need to understand benefits and costs. If we truly value what we are aiming at then we will develop the perseverance to continue struggling for it.

Use of Will Power

Will-power is one thing, but it also has to be directed in right direction. Napoleon undoubtedly had great will-power, but that doesn’t mean we have to become another Napoleon. Often the most important use of will-power is using it to become a better person. It is to be free of our own limitations fear, doubt and jealousy. This will-power to be happy is definitely worth growing.

Related

Effective Ways to Get Out of A Negative Mindset

(1) Sri Chinmoy Speaks Part 5

Photo Pavitrata Taylor, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning.”

- Lao Tzu

There are many things we need to do. One of them is letting go of our unfortunate mistakes, habits, thoughts and experiences. At times we also need to let go of other people, we need to move on from the past and look towards the future. If we hang onto the unfortunate experiences of the past, this is what we will carry forward into the present. There is a well known story of the Zen monk who wanted to know why he couldn’t gain enlightenment. His Master replied – how can a full cup be filled up? To fill a cup with honey, we must first empty the water from the cup. It is the same with enlightenment, we have to let go of what is in our mind, for new, enlightening experiences to enter in.

What do we need to Let Go of?

Letting Go of Bad Habits

There are many things that we cling onto out of habit, which really don’t help. Sometimes we have a habit that we don’t really want, but part of us still clings to it. It is like the camel continuing to eat thorns, even though it is causing camel pain. We fail to make a complete break because subtly we have a lingering attachment. If we resolve to get rid of a negative habit like being jealous of other people, we have to make it complete. Just because we always do something doesn’t mean that a) it is a good thing to do b) we are compelled to do it. Look at our daily activities and see what we would be happy to change.

Things we Have No Control of.

Many things happen in life, that we can in no way influence. It may be the behaviour of other people, it may be events in society, even our own government. Having these problems revolve around in our mind will change nothing, except to make us unhappy at our perceived helplessness and misfortune. These are the kind of things we have to let go of. This is not indifference to problems in society, it is just realising what we can and can’t do.

Letting Go of The Past.

To think of the past
Is indeed a painful task.
To carry the past
Is indeed a fruitless burden.

- Sri Chinmoy (1)

Something that has happened in the past we cannot change. If we carry unfortunate experiences around in our mind, it is like a heavy weight that clouds our state of mind and makes life a struggle. To let go of the past, and enable new experiences to enter is the most positive approach. Even if the past is good, we shouldn’t feel that this former experience is the pinnacle of our life. This can breed a complacency and make us just yearn to hold onto the ‘golden days’. We have to keep moving forward looking for an even brighter future.

The Inevitability of Change.

Whether we like it or not, life will unmistakably teach us the inevitability of change. We have no choice but to let go of things. We will lose ou physical capacities; we will lose friends, family, money – anything can be lost at any moment. However, change is not a bad thing if we are cheerful and accept it as part of life. Human nature is to seek improvement and new experiences. If everything were to remain static, we would get bored and life would feel stifled. We would never be able to realise our potential.

Mind’s Preconceptions.

If we analyse our mind and the thoughts that come, we will soon feel there are many things that are good to let go of. Not least, our preconceptions and pre-judgements of other people. Our mind can be very bad at projecting false motives onto other people. If we can let go of these, we will be much happier (and better people)

How to Let Go

It is one thing to know we should let go of thoughts and experiences, but, human nature is to cling onto things, even when it causes suffering and cannot help. Firstly, we have to make a clear decision to let go of our thought / habit. It is no good if part of us wants to let go, but part of us still wants to hold on.

Looking forward.

To let go of the past is much easier when we spend our energies cultivating a better future, living in the present moment. If we are active in a positive way, we don’t have time to dwell on the past.

Don’t Fight Nature.

Nature and life are always in a state of flux. We need to realise this world is fleeting and ephemeral, change is inevitable. But, do we always want to stay exactly where we are? There is nothing to fear about moving forward. Life is nothing if not a journey of discovery.

Real Love / Attachment.

We often mistake love for clinging onto people. But, this is just emotional attachment. Real love is compatible with letting go on an external level. The real, all embracing love, does not have to be confined to certain people and small areas of the past.

Related

• Letting Go of Anger
• Dealing with Mistakes
• Living Without Fear

(1) Ten Thousand Flower Flames Part 63 by Sri Chinmoy

Photo by Pranlobha, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries

sunrise

Yoga is the ancient art of Self-Discovery, and  Self-Realisation. Yoga is a Sanskrit word meaning ‘Union with God’, – ‘Union with the Highest consciousness’. When we talk of Self-Realisation, it means realising the divine nature of our Higher Self, our Inner Pilot. A Buddhist may call it entering into Nirvana, a Hindu may talk of liberation / God-realisation. Ultimately, it is a state of consciousness beyond name and form and the limitations of the mental world. The Upanishads talks of ‘Sat Chid Ananda’ – Existence, Consciousness, Bliss – Our highest Self – a being of pure delight.

Such ideas may seem very far from our present state! Given the limitations of our mind and nature, a consciousness of unbridled delight and peace seem a far cry. Most of us would  settle for just a little bit more peace, a little bit more joy. But, the highest teachings of yoga tell us that there is no end to our inner self-transcendence. – All we need to do is realise the divinity within.

In the West, yoga often invokes images of hatha yoga – difficult postures for calming the physical being and gaining greater peace of mind. But, hatha yoga is only one small aspect of the ancient path of yoga. There is also.

• Bhatki yoga – the path of love and devotion.  Bhakti yoga doesn’t worry about philosophical discourse and explanations, it merely seeks to love. It is not a human love based on possession and expectation. But, a divine, universal love without expectation or sense of possession.
• Jnana yoga – the path of wisdom – gaining true insight into our real being; a wisdom which is much more than intellectual understanding. A wisdom that comes from knowing our deepest soul through meditation.
• Karma Yoga – the path of action. Making progress through selfless service to the rest of humanity. It is selfless service without expectation of reward, recognition. It is egoless work done with detachment to the outcome.

How To Make Progress Through Yoga

Yoga means we make a conscious effort to transform our consciousness. It means facing upto  and transcending our weakness. It requires a faith in God, or at least a faith in our self. It requires patience and persistence and the ability to remain focused on our self-improvement.

Patience, Perseverance.

Patience is sometimes viewed as a negative, or at least static thing. But true patience means ignoring the demands of the ego and accepting the transformation of nature which inevitably takes time. It is a mistake to think the path of yoga is about austerity and a bed of thorns. To seek our real self, is the most rewarding thing we can undertake. But, neither is it an easy downhill path with everything done for us. But, nothing worthwhile is without trials and challenges. We cannot give up at the first hurdle, but must remain committed to yoga, however, bumpy it is. How to be more patient

Enthusiasm.

To make progress in any aspect of life, we need an enthusiastic attitude. It is the same with yoga, we can make the fastest progress only when we value and are enthusiastic about the goal. See: Enthusiasm

Honesty / Self Appraisal.

In yoga we need to overcome the ego. The justifications and excuse of our ego, just make our journey longer. See balance between self-criticism and self-encouragement

Inner Strength.

Yoga is not for the feint hearted, sometimes, you need to go against the prevailing way of the world. We cannot allow ourselves to be sucked into materialistic goals. Yoga doesn’t negate the outer life, but, seeks to give a proper balance between inner wealth and outer wealth. This needs an inner strength to be true to our inner calling.

Simplicity

Sometimes it is the simplest things which matter in yoga. A sincere smile, doing something with love, doing something selflessly – outwardly it may not sound much but it can make a big difference in yoga.

Each smile
Is a radical
Self-improvement.

photo: Sri Chinmoy Centre Gallery

What Does it Mean to Be Free?

Having just sat through an insipid world cup performance by my team England, I have realised how my mood can easily be disturbed by 11 football players failing to pass a football ball as well as I expect them to. I mean they were dreadful, but,  should I be letting myself be affected by things outside my control? Well the world cup is only every four years, and I will always be a glutton for punishment (by nature I’m an optimist – I can’t help but always think this time we can win). But, football aside, we need to develop an inner freedom, a state of mind which can be free from the innumerable worries and anxieties of life. Real inner freedom is a state where we can remain unaffected by disturbing thoughts and ideas.

Inner Freedom

To Feel Negative Thoughts as Separate Entities.

Socrates once went to a noted sage. The sage told Socrates and his followers that Socrates had all the human limitations of anger, pride and jealousy.

His followers were shocked and interrupted to criticise the sage, saying they saw Socrates as a saint. However, the sage, said, ‘let me finish. It is true that he has all these negative qualities, but Socrates doesn’t let them affect him.’

As we aspire for a better life, human weaknesses will continue crop up. We cannot remain totally unaffected by old thought habits and emotions. However, we don’t have to give our acceptance and full support to these negative thoughts and emotions. We can feel these negative thoughts and emotions as separate to our real self. If we see these thoughts and emotions as separate and outside our self, then we can remain free from there power. We can remain centred in our real self. This is the secret of inner freedom because we can detach from thoughts and emotions that drag us down and round in circles.

We can have all the outer freedom we want to live exactly as we want. But, if we unable to let go of jealousy and insecurity, then we are not free to be inwardly happy; we will be constantly limiting ourself.

To be Free of Desires we Don’t Want.

It is the nature of desire to remain unfulfilled or be disappointed. The more desires we have, the more prone to disappointment we will be. There are still good things to aim for. There is no harm in aspiring to be a better person and to achieve worthwhile goals. But, to limit material desires, and desires from other people lifts a great pressure off our state of mind. If we have innumerable desires we always feel a sense of dissatisfaction until they fulfilled in our own way. We can become a slave of our desires, making us sacrifice worthwhile principles to get what we want. Yet, even when we get our desire, we soon realise it isn’t the secret of inner peace and contentment. Inner freedom is to be the master of our own desire.

To be Free from Peer Pressure

Friends, society and government consciously or unconsciously place expectations on our behaviour, attitude and actions. There is a pressure to conform to certain pre-conceived attitudes. If you look over the past 100-200 years, you can see how concepts of morality and reasonable behaviour are constantly changing. To be free from these subtle pressures is essential to give us our inner peace and enable us to be inwardly free.

To be free from peer pressure doesn’t mean we have to be the natural born rebel, always trying to shock people; this can become it’s own ideology. Having a shocking hairstyle is not the be all and end all or symbol of inner freedom. The real secret is the inner attitude. It is to quietly question prevailing values like materialistic goals; it is to have the self-confidence and inner faith to live as we feel inwardly inspired.

Knowing our Real Self.

“What is false freedom? False freedom is our constant and deliberate acceptance of ignorance and our conscious existence in ignorance. What is real freedom? Real freedom is our conscious awareness of our inner divinity, and our constant inseparable oneness with the Inner Pilot.”

- Sri Chinmoy (1)
To be really free, we have to be able live in our real self. The self that is spontaneous, happy, non-judgemental and cheerful. It is the childlike quality we all have within us. It is this source of human creativity and real joy. We have all felt this at some times in our life. We feel uninhibited and can access that creative aspect of ourselves. We can know this real self through living in the heart – living away from the critical mind; it is something we can access through meditation and contemplation. The irony is this inner freedom requires discipline.

Related

(1) Excerpt from The Tears Of Nation-Hearts by Sri Chinmoy

Photo Tejvan,

We are constantly judging other people, our self and situations. It can feel like life is a constant reality TV show with a panel of judges always in evidence. But, the judgemental nature of the mind, will neither give us peace or happiness. To attain a real inner peace, we have to go far beyond the judgemental game of inferiority and superiority.

Why Be Less Judgemental

We Suffer

When we judge others, it’s hard to not have a feeling (consciously or unconsciously) of superiority / pride. When we judge others we lower our own consciousness.

“If we judge others with our unlit human mind, with the intellectual mind, with the sophisticated mind, the persons whom we judge do not lose an iota of their achievement, of their reality. But we lose. How do we lose? When we start doubting others, we offer something of our own existence to the outer world something of our own reality goes and eventually we become very weak.”

- Sri Chinmoy (1)

We may be Wrong.

When judging others we are often judging only a small part of their nature. It may even be second hand information. We may hear someone’s opinion and take it as gospel. But, who is to say they haven’t put their own slant and perspective on the other person. Even when we seem someone first hand we may misunderstand their motives or inner attitude. We can never know what is going on inside a person. Every is fighting their own battles and trying to be a better person in their own way. We cannot expect every to be at the stage of sainthood in this incarnation.

How would we want to be judged?

When we do something good, of course, we want the whole world to know about it. But, when we do something bad or unfortunate we would really like it to be kept quiet. If we take delight in people’s misfortunes then it is a big mistake, and it is likely to happen to us.

How To Be Less Judgemental

Be Sympathetic

When we see someone doing something wrong, we can feel that this is something we could be doing wrong ourselves. Ironically, when we criticise faults in others, we often have the same faults ourselves. If we remember we are as prone to misjudgement and doing the wrong thing then it gives us more compassion and understanding.

Be supportive not critical.

Judging others rarely helps to change others behaviour for the better. Being supportive can change.

Concentrate on Being Happy.

When we get bogged down in judging others, we wont gain much happiness. Happiness comes from enjoying the good things in life, not in giving sermons on the failings of the world.

Look Upon People as an Extended Family.

If someone close to us does something wrong we are more willing to forgive and see their better qualities. When judging friends or work colleagues see them as an extended part of your self / family, this will give us a more sympathetic approach.

Being Right Isn’t the Most Important Thing.

In judging others, there is a strong desire to be right and show others as wrong. But life isn’t all about being right. It’s about quietly making a positive contribution.

Judge Only Yourself.

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye” Matthew 7:3

If we have to judge, why not judge yourself and see how you can improve yourself as a person? Don’t make the mistake of blaming your difficulties on others. Difficulties come from some defect in our own character.

Dealing With Judgemental People.

Some people are very judgemental. They have a habit of making us feel small / guilty. It also encourages us to be judgemental in response. We either seek to defend ourselves or start judging others – joining in their game of judging people.

It can also be difficult to disagree with judgemental people, as they often can have deep conviction in their beliefs.

The best way of dealing with judgemental people is not to directly challenge them, but, allow them to go their way, whilst we maintain our quiet approach. Don’t worry about having the last word or defending yourself. If they are really making unfair criticisms of friends, you can always point to their good qualities. But, you are unlikely to change their nature so don’t expect too much.

Related

• Life without Criticism
• Self-criticism and self-encouragement
• The Art of Forgiveness

(1) Warriors of the Inner World by Sri Chinmoy

Photo Top, Tejvan, New College, Oxford

Sometimes it feels quite easy to write what you want you should do. In fact, when you write everything down the task of self-improvement looks quite easy! But, alas, knowing what to do is only part of the problem. Even when we have resolved what we want to do, part of our human nature can cling to its old habits, emotions and thought patterns. Even when we no longer want to pursue a certain emotion, it still can come to the fore despite our mental rejection.

Sometimes, it can feel like there are two parts to our self. There is the one positive part aspiring for a better consciousness. At times we glimpse this and feel a sincere happiness. At other times, we can feel overpowered by some undesirable aspect of our nature.

The first thing to bear in mind, is that everyone has this experience of making a few steps forward and a few steps backwards. It is necessary to accept our transformation takes time. – See: Changing yourself by accepting yourself. It is often just when we think we have made great progress and overcome some emotion like anger, that it re-appears out of nowhere and takes us by surprise. Human nature does take a long time to transform. But, when we experience the stubbornness of our own nature, it is important to bear in mind a few things.

• Don’t be depressed or mad with yourself for a temporary relapse. By becoming depressed over our weaknesses, we only strengthen them. A feeling of guilt or despondency is also very unhelpful. If we see it is a inevitable step in our self improvement then it loses much of its power. See: Avoiding Self Pity
• At the same time, we must distance ourselves from this emotion. We shouldn’t give it any mental support. By distancing ourselves from our negative emotion, it helps us to detach and slowly the experience will dissipate.
• A quiet but firm resolve to overcome any difficulty is the most effective way of quickly overcoming them. We should avoid elation at a good experience and despondency at depressing experiences. But, we do need flexibility and a willingness to give up old thought patterns and habitual responses.

I enjoy peace
Only when I am not afraid
Of changing my stubborn mind.

- Sri Chinmoy (1)

• Don’t Over Analyse / focus on your Negative Qualities. The best way to overcome negative qualities is simply to aspire for more light and concentrate on doing the right thing.
• Any experience is an opportunity to transcend the quality we want to. We need to maintain a careful balance between self criticism and self encouragement

Related

• How to change yourself for the better
• How To Face Up To Your Weaknesses and overcome them

(1) Excerpt from Peace-Blossom-Fragrance, Part 1 by Sri Chinmoy

photo Tejvan, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries.

“When we are clear in heart and mind—only then shall we find courage to surmount the fear which haunts the world,”

- Albert Einstein

When we have worries and problems going around in our mind, we feel like there is a heavy weight holding us down. Sometimes, these mental problems build up slowly and we are not even aware of how much we are struggling to carry around. We can also feel powerless to deal with what we have. These are some tips to keep less on your mind, and to aim for a clearer and sharper mind.

Make A Decision for Each Issue

For each issue that occurs, examine it and then decide what, if anything that you can do. For each issue that comes into your mind, you could:

• Do Nothing. Some of our worries about other people are beyond our control. Some are things that have not materialised yet. In this case there is nothing we can do. Thinking / worrying about it does not help, so there is no need to pursue it further. Feel free to let go of it completely.
• Do it Straight-away. If it is really urgent, or really quick, do it straight away then you can get it out of the way. For example, if you have dirty pots lying on the floor, you can go and clean them in two minutes, then you don’t have to think about them for the rest of the evening (or get nagged by your wife e.t.c…)
• Make a Plan to Deal with it at a certain time. We can’t deal with everything at the same time, nor is it efficient. If we have a work related issue, but it in a box for when you return to work. Maybe you need to speak to someone, and until then there is nothing that you can do.

The fundamental point is that everything that comes our way, we carefully analyse the best way and best time of dealing with it. It’s like we have an inbox in our mind, but, we try to keep our inbox clear by either dealing with it straight away or putting it in folder (work, relationships) A folder to be dealt with at the appropriate time.

Quite often, we have things going around in our mind which we half heartedly deal with, but don’t resolve. We have many things which are nagging at our attention, but, we don’t deal with them straight away. With this method, we can be clearer about when we are going to deal with things.

When we have this clarity, we can be much more focused and at peace withourselves.

Each thought is hopeless and useless
When I am in my unclear mind.
Each thought is prosperous and generous
When I am in my clear mind.

Pay No Attention to the Speculations of the Mind

Often the mind creates imaginary problems. It speculates on people’s motives and attitudes towards us, even on the flimsiest of evidence we build up fearful situations. These mental speculations are usually wrong, but, they can take up a lot of negative energy and make our mind feel cluttered.

Don’t Take Problems Which are Not Yours

We need to empathise and offer support with friends and family. But, we have to tread a careful line to make sure we don’t take on problems which are not our own. If we waste energy worrying about problems which are not our own, it will be never ending, as we can’t even solve them.

Don’t Feel Guilty

” If you want to transform
Your life radically
Then immediately give up
Your false sense of teeming guilt. ”

- Sri Chinmoy (2)

What has happened in the past is gone. There is nothing we can do about it. Feeling guilty for past mistakes won’t help rectify them; however, it will burden us down. If we make a resolution to do the right thing, this is the best approach.

We can definitely keep our minds clearer. We have to be willing to let go of problems, and deal with things at the appropriate time. Either we need to relax or deal with a problem until there is nothing more we can do.

Meditation

” Clear mind is like the full moon in the sky. Sometimes clouds come and cover it, but the moon is always behind them. Clouds go away, then the moon shines brightly. So don’t worry about clear mind: it is always there. When thinking comes, behind it is clear mind. When thinking goes, there is only clear mind.”

Zen Master Seung Sahn

Remember we always have a clear mind, it is just that sometimes it gets clouded by thoughts. But, by detaching ourselves from thoughts we can regain our clear mind.

Photo top by Tejvan, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries – at top of Glastonbury Tor.

(1) Excerpt from Ten Thousand Flower-Flames, Part 12 by Sri Chinmoy
(2) Excerpt From Ten Thousand Flower-Flames, Part 40 by Sri Chinmoy

I rarely get inspiration from TV. At best, it is a bit of occasional light relief and relaxation through good comedies. But, yesterday there was an interesting programme on BBC about How To Live A Simple Life. A church of England Vicar, Peter Owen Jones, went on week long travel living according to the philosophy of St Francis Of Assisi. This meant owning no possessions or money but relying on the goodwill of strangers for food / shelter and travel.

St Francis of Assisi philosophy was radical to say the least. He felt this lifestyle was the best way to live the spirit of the Gospels. To give up material possessions, makes one dependent on other people. Our ego hates this because we like to be self-sufficient; the idea of relying on the good will of strangers is difficult. There is also tremendous uncertainty. It requires faith, detachment from difficulties and a positive attitude to look for the good in humanity.

St Francis taught that this lifestyle has many benefits. It gave people the opportunity to give. When we selflessly give to others we can get great joy. By begging for food, the wandering mendicant learns to humble his pride. It is also an opportunity to connect with people in a meaningful way. If we are self-sufficient we can easily ignore other people. We can drive past in our comfortable air-conditioned car. But, when we are reliant on the good will of others it forces us to make friends with strangers. We may meet with well meaning rejection, but, we can also find and appreciate the good will of others whom we otherwise would have met.

I don’t have any inspiration to start following the life of St Francis (though I admire him deeply).  But, it nevertheless did raise some thought-provoking ideas.

The Joy of Giving.

It was heart-warming to see the genuine joy strangers got from giving. (A cynic will argue the presence of TV cameras offered an extra motivation for goodwill.) But, that aside, I think people were genuinely operating from their heart. It is also giving without expectation of reward. When we give to a stranger we may never meet again, we are giving without condition.

Of course, we don’t have to wait for a wandering Franciscan monk in order to be able to give (they aren’t exactly very common in Oxford). We can give where-ever we are. Even the poorest can offer a smile and expression of good-will to those who we meet. This in itself can mean a lot. It also means considering the well being of others, and how we can be of service to them.

Also, when giving we have to make sure we are giving with the right motives. Is it for the reward of name and fame or because of an inner prompting? We should feel giving is its own reward.

Fear of Strangers.

I think in us all, we have a fear of the unknown. At the same time our inner nature, instinctively wants to feel connected / empathise with other people, to offer food / shelter to others is an almost instinctive reaction. It was interesting to see this play between the two forces.

I couldn’t help think of whether I would have given to a dishevelled wanderer who claimed to be without money? My instinctive reaction is to ignore beggars, because I tend to assume they are professional beggars – giving to them may be not the best form of charity.

I think you can get a feeling whether a person is sincere or not – whether he is sincerely in need. Hopefully, I would have felt the vicar’s sincerity. But, if I was in a rush, I could have easily gone into defense mode and rushed past head down. It is perhaps understandable if people ignore others. But, it is a shame.

Self-Sufficiency.

If we have a feeling of self-sufficiency we can easily have an attitude of haughtiness, pride and even disdain for others. Often the ego aims for self-sufficiency, but, this is not desirable. It is good to be willing to give to others. But, it is also important to be willing to receive without feeling bad. Some people are very good at giving but too proud to receive.

He mistakenly feels
That what others have to offer him
Is of no value.
In the name of self-sufficiency
He is just riding his own ego-horse.

- Sri Chinmoy (1)

What is Important in Life?

In life it is easy to get stuck in a rut. We get on an escalator of money, career and family. We move in a certain circle around certain values. But, is this what we want? Is this the most fulfilling way. I love the idea of placing yourself in radically different environments to see life from a different perspective. I admire the vicar – he must be in his 50s. It is no mean feat to give up all creature comforts and make yourself reliant on the good will of others. (even if he does have a TV crew for backup)

Related

• Tips for Simplicity
• Simplicity, Minimalism and Attachment

(1) Excerpt from Twenty-Seven Thousand Aspiration-Plants, Part 18 by Sri Chinmoy

Instead of thinking
Of everyone,
Just love everyone.

- Sri Chinmoy (1)

I was reading some aphorisms in a book when I came across this short poem, and it hit me like a proverbial metaphysical sledgehammer (whatever that might be) over the head. It made me realise how I waste too much time thinking of others.

We all have a tendency to think of others a lot. We sometimes remember their good qualities and how they helped us. But, unfortunately, we tend to think about how others have aggrieved us or let us down or how they are far from perfect. When we think of others, we can’t help judging them. When we are judging people we are not loving them. Love is not love when we spend all the time ruminating over their imperfections. As the immortal bard said with poetic brilliance.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:

- William Shakespeare Sonnet 116

Avoiding Speculation

One of the most dangerous characteristics of our mind / thought process is to engage in speculation over potential outcomes. Our mind can come up with fantastic speculations, often fearing the worst outcome / worst motive of others. When we let the mind run riot, our thinking can gradually become divorced from reality; we can start assigning motives and false ideas about friends and families. This can be the cause for deep misunderstanding. (See: How to avoid misunderstanding) This is a good reason to spend less time thinking / speculating.

How To Love Others

What does it mean to love others? Perhaps it is hard to say, if the poets struggle, how can we write about love adequately? But, I think we can more easily say what real love is not. If our love is conditional, if we expect certain things to be reciprocated, this is just emotional attachment (See: difference between love and emotional dependence). Love is not judging the person with our critical mind. It is not about getting angry with someone because they are falling below our expected standards. We could say love is an instinctive emotion / quality; it is only that love often gets clouded with the darkness of our mind and thoughts. If we can avoid clouding our opinions with negativity, then naturally we will be offering our good will to others.

It is said that we hate whom we really wish to love. Hate is just blocking the natural flowing nature of love. If we remove barriers such as hate, then we can love others spontaneously and unconditionally.

Practical Steps To Take

Don’t Brood. When we brood, we inevitably spend our time thinking, (rarely positive) thoughts. Rather than brood, it is much more worthwhile to move forward, to do something positive. If we spend time with other people in a positive activity, we haven’t got time to brood over our inner thoughts – nursing minor grievances and feelings of being hard done to.

Don’t Think anything you wouldn’t say aloud. This is a bit of a challenge. Analyse your thoughts that come through your mind; would you be embarrassed to speak them out aloud in front of other people? We shouldn’t feel thoughts are not important because only we can hear them. They are important – they determine our mood, they affect the energy we offer to other people. We can choose whether to send good will or send our judgemental thoughts. There is a big difference between the two.

To some extent our thoughts will create outer circumstances. If we are constantly thinking negative thoughts about other people, it will inevitable create outer difficulties in our relationship with other people.

Thinking of Others Before Ourselves

One thing we often are told to do is to think of others before ourselves. What this implies is that we consider their needs / welfare; how can we help / serve others. This encourages us to be self-giving and selfless. It encourages us to offer good will to others. It doesn’t mean we just sit thinking of them. This is a practical implementation of love. When we put others before ourself, we are expanding our sense of self and becoming less selfish.

Further Reading

• How To Control Your Thoughts
• Effective Ways to get out of a Negative Mindset
• The Source of Happiness

Photo: Suswara, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries. (Monks Cave, Kirkstone Pass, Lake District)

1) Seventy-Seven Thousand Service-Trees vol 31 by Sri Chinmoy

It is often said that human nature is as stubborn as a mule. It is said, you can’t change the spots on a Dalmatian, nor can you change the stubbornness of the human mind. But, change is not only possible, it is inevitable at some stage in our evolution. To change ourselves is certainly the greatest challenge that we can take up, it is also the most rewarding activity that we can do.

How To Change?

We Need to Want To Change.

We have to feel the necessity of changing our nature. If we don’t want to change, how can we expect the universe to do it for us when we are sleeping in the land of nod? If we understand the benefits of changing, half the battle is won. This is essentially a choice to be happy rather than unhappy. If we cling to jealousy, despair and self-pity we will only bring unhappiness onto ourselves. If we wish to be genuinely happy, we have to understand the necessity of overcoming our weakness and undivine qualities.

The Inner Cry

We can’t change human nature with a proud and haughty attitude. When we inwardly cry for our nature’s transformation it becomes possible. To inwardly cry for a better life, is to sincerely reject our wrong thoughts, and wrong state of mind. The inner cry is never an ostentatiously display of emotion. It is a private aspiration, it is our real humility coming to the fore. When we inwardly cry for change, we let go of our pride and self-sufficiency. It is in this state that we will feel sweetness and softness; we will see the futility of our self-imposed lofty pride and unhappiness.

Persistence and Determination

Many people know what to do,
But few care how to do,
And fewer still dare to do.

We cannot change human nature overnight. We need persistence. We need to constantly reject the onset of negative thoughts as often as they come to us. We need to remember constantly what we want to change into. As soon as we start taking the wrong approach we need to check ourselves and put us back on track.

Play Tricks

If all fails, we can play tricks on ourselves. Even if we are insincere we can smile at others. We can try to offer something to other people. We may feel that we are being insincere, and we don’t really mean it. But, it is much better to offer an insincere smile than a sincere growl. We may start off with insincerity, but, we may end up believing our own tricks. Our insincere smile will turn into a sincere and genuine happiness.

Don’t Brood.

The worst stumbling block to change is to brood on our shortcomings, limitations and misdeeds. Our mind has remarkable capacity to heighten and magnify our problems. Before we know it, a small problem has magnified into the pinnacle of despair. However, this is only strengthening our ego; it is only strengthening our weaknesses and problems. It is always better to be active, to talk, to do something positive. When we are in a negative frame of mind it is not the time to be silent and lethargic.

Don’t Let Your Pride Hold You Back.

Often part of us wants to change, but, there is a part of us which consciously or subconsciously wants to hold on to the undivine part of us. There is a subtle pride in maintaining our grimness, our misery. We feel that to be happy is to humble our ego. The problem is we come to identify ourselves with this part of us which is holding us back. If we see our own folly it becomes easier to let go of it. Again the key is we need to want to change.

Be Selfless.

It may be difficult to change for ourselves, but, it is easier to change when we think of others. If we love people we will want to offer something positive and not something negative which holds them back and makes them suffer too.

Related

• How To Become A Better Person

(1) Excerpt from Twenty-Seven Thousand Aspiration-Plants, Part 151

photo: Pranlobha, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries