Month: November 2008

I must admit I thought long and hard before choosing the above title – I have read many similarly titled articles which promise wonderful tips to revolutionise your life, and which in the long run end up making you feeling worse about yourself because you haven’t managed to put into practice! However, from the five years I have spent full-time on the journey of self-discovery with my teacher Sri Chinmoy, I have managed to put into place some practical lessons which have reaped enormous benefits, and I’d like to share some of them here. As you will see, many of them have more to do with attitude and how we look upon events – once the right attitude is there, the rest falls into place.

A good start is half the battle

It is important every day to keep at least some part of the day solely for yourself, where you can do the things that keep you grounded, centered and focused on the important things in life. In many ways, the morning is by far the best time for this. Firstly, you are much less likely to be distracted by work or friends or unforeseen circumstances. Secondly, when you can have that time in the morning, the sense of peace and balance you get lasts through the day and insulates you against the swirls and storms of life.

Having that time every day for yourself does involve a certain degree of discipline, but when you can keep up that discipline, you feel much more in control of your life, and able to tackle other issues which need improving. For me, my ‘self time’ happens as soon as I get up – half an hour/45 minutes of meditation to center the heart and emotions, some inspirational reading for the mind, followed by running to harmonize the body. Sometimes it is a struggle to complete that discipline, but I know from experience that If I don’t begin my day on that foundation, then I will not be in the right state of mind, and the rest of the days challenges will be much harder to face. Continue reading “How to Manage Your Day”

DO NOT REGRET

Regret is nothing but a waste;
Therefore, do not regret.
See the light, feel the light, become the light
Of today’s dawn
And try not, cry not
To see yesterday’s stars, moon and sun.
They are gone.
They should be buried in oblivion-night.

– Sri Chinmoy

It is easy to be burdened with regrets. The mind will offer us innumerable – if only I had…

Yet, regret doesn’t help in any way.

“Non, je ne regrette rien” – The famous refrain of Edith Piaf is also a powerful motto for life. These are some practical tips to live a life without regrets.

1. Live in the Present

If we live completely in the present moment, how can we be regretting the past? It is in the present moment that we can truly live and enjoy life. The problem is that it is easy to say we should live in the present but, to actually do it is not so easy. Living in the present requires constant remembrance. The nature of the mind is to think of the past and speculate on the future. We need to retrain the mind; when we start regretting the past, just gently remind yourself to go back to the present moment.

2. Do What You Can

This simple but effective idea is to do what we can, given our current situation. Regretting the past will not help improve our current situation; in fact it can make it worse. We have to be wise and make the best choices and actions given our present state. We cannot change the past, no matter how bitterly we wish we can. But, if we focus 100% on doing what we can then we may be frequently surprised at how much we can alleviate our current situation.

3. Don’t Live With A Guilty Conscience

Guilt can be a weight around our neck, which does nothing to help us. The great spiritual master, Sri Ramakrishna said something most significant. He said “the person who goes around saying ‘I am a sinner, I am a sinner’ – this person will remain a sinner.” But, why maintain this attitude? Rather than focusing on our past ‘sins’ we have to feel that this is not our real self. If we have the capacity to ‘sin’ we also have the capacity to do the right thing and lead a good life. It is focusing on good things that will make us a better person. Focusing on our past mistakes will just lower our consciousness not make us feel any better. See also: Overcoming persistent guilt

4. Be At Peace With Yourself.

Often our regrets result from the disappointment of others. Maybe we have made our choices but, despite our honest effort, they are displeased with us. Therefore, we are regretting not that we did the wrong thing, but, that we failed to meet other people’s expectations.
We will never be able to please the expectations of others. Therefore, we have to just follow our inner intuition and live the life that we think is best for us. If others don’t agree with our choices, then we have to be detached.

5. Don’t Regret Mistakes.

“The only man who makes no mistakes is the man who never does anything.”

– Theodore Roosevelt

To make progress, mistakes, failure and even humiliation are inevitable. The problem is we only value success. But, this is wrong. Failure is the flip side of success. You cannot have one without the other. Great scientists say how success often comes after 99 failures. It is a good job Einstein didn’t give up with regrets before his eventual success.

See also:

• 10 Ways to Simplify Your Life

Photo by Ahuta, Sri Chinmoy Centre galleries.

The capacity for forgiveness is certainly one of the most noble traits we posess as human beings. Despite it commonly being lauded as such throughout the ages, there is however comparatively little examination of the effect an attitude of forgiveness can have on your daily life, both inner and outer.

Forgiveness is practical

Forgiveness is often framed as a moral quality, when it first and foremost a practical one. When we are unable to forgive someone who has wronged us, that person retains a kind of power into us, forcing their way into our thoughts. “If we spend our time cherishing negative thoughts about someone—jealousy, doubt or anger—then we are making that person our Guru“, aptly notes meditation teacher Sri Chinmoy. It is only through forgiveness that we can stop the effects of that action from staying with us long after the original hurt was caused. Continue reading “The many facets of forgiveness”

Recently I have been helping to prepare some of my students for university interviews. One thing stood out – the importance of confidence. It seems many young people lack a measured confidence in their own abilities and this is one of the biggest things holding them back.

What is Confidence?

Confidence is belief in your self. It means you think of your strong attributes and not your weaknesses – real or imaginary. Confidence is not an arrogant self exertion. It is not the confidence of a Julius Ceasar – “I came, I saw, I conquered” It is a confidence which allows your real self to come forward. Confidence is compatible with modesty and humility. If we really have self confidence we will not feel obliged to try and convince others. When people exert their ego and tell us of their own achievement and greatness, it is often because they actually lack self-confidence. Therefore, they are fishing for complements to boost their fragile ego and self-confidence.

How Can we Build up Our Confidence?

Practise

Some students are so lacking in confidence they want to avoid even the mock interviews. This is the worst thing to do. If we spend our time worrying about potential outcomes our confidence evaporates as we imagine unpleasant scenarios. There is a lot to be said for remaining active and practising what we lack confidence in. When we actually do something, we realise that many of our fears are ungrounded and therefore we can effectively build up our confidence. If we never practise, we will always struggle with confidence. If we lack confidence in speaking with people the best thing is to try and find situations where we can get plenty of practise.

• In short to build up confidence – Less thinking more doing!

Learning To Deal With Criticism

On various occasions we will be criticised. But, this should not be the end of our world. The criticism does not apply to our self, but a certain action or aspect of our being. In this sense we should look upon the criticism as just an opportunity to improve and learn. If the criticism has an unpleasant tone, we should pay no attention to that. It is important to keep a balanced attitude, don’t just focus on the criticism of others, remember also the encouragement of others.

Don’t Compare

It is funny how many potential interviewees imagine that everyone else must be the perfect candidate who is able to seamlessly switch between explaining the economics of the credit crunch to discussing the implications of Kantian ethics on issues of euthanasia. The point is by comparing ourselves to others, we are liable to lose our self confidence because it is easy to generate feelings of inadequacy.

Continue reading “Building Up Self Confidence”

Why?

Why do we try to try blame others for weaknesses in our own nature?

Why do we make ourselves unhappy by cherishing negative thoughts?

Why do we always want to have the last word?

Why do we place so much emphasis on the misinformed criticisms of others?

Why do we struggle to find time to spend even 10 minutes a day on the cultivation of our own inner peace.

Why do we give so much importance to the fleeting prospects of name and fame?

Why do we struggle to see the beautiful and simple in every day life?

Why are we instinctively drawn to the faults of others and remain blind to their good qualities?

Why do we continue to pursue habits we know are bad for us?

Why do we so often live in the past, reliving old problems?

Why do we get malicious pleasure from speaking ill of other people?

Why do we  feel responsible for the progress of the world?

Why do we doubt our own capacities?

Why do we give so much importance to the accumulation of material wealth?

Why?

The counting shed is on the right, at a 24 hour race organised by Sri Chinmoy M.T.

Happiness can be a strange thing. The things we expect will give us happiness sometimes fail to live up to our expectations. Yet, when we stop chasing happiness, we can find happiness in the most unlikely of situations.

Counting at a 24 Hour Race

For 24 Hours, Runners run around a standard 400 m athletic track. Every 2 minutes or so your runner will pass by and as a counter you note down their time. Now, the first thing people might say is why? Why run around a traffic and isn’t it boring to spend 24 hours counting a couple of runners go past every 2 minutes? The strange thing is that the first hour can pass quite slowly, and you start thinking this 12 hour shift is going to be a long time. But, after a while time starts to slip by. You enter a different world and become absorbed in the fortunes of your runners. You become inspired at the collective efforts at self transcendence. I also enjoy the gentle banter and jokes with the other counters in the counting shed.

(see also: Counting Shed by Sumangali)

Washing Dishes.

If you were thinking of moments of happiness, you wouldn’t expect ‘work’ to be there. The thing is I actually really enjoyed doing the dishes, even though I was working in a ‘Little Chef’. It was a very simple work where you could get into a routine. There was great satisfaction in transforming the dirty plates into clean neat piles. Dishwashing was my domain, I was responsible for keeping it clean.  The important thing was the attitude to washing. If I thought about the job I would think – there are many better things I could be doing with my time; I don’t want to be a dishwasher for the rest of my life. However, when I ignored these thoughts, when I just focused on the present moment and the action of washing dishes, time flew past. It became a meditative action because I was just focusing on the act of dishwashing and was concentrated on the job in hand. And I really enjoyed it.

Monty Python Silly Walks

Once a year, with friends from the English Sri Chinmoy Centres, we put on a very informal plays and skits. The idea is to have fun. My contribution is performing Monty Python sketches and in particular the John Cleese silly walk. I love watching Monty Python, but, when you perform it yourself, it offers a much greater level of enjoyment. In a TV age, we are so used to entertainment being passive, that we forget how much entertainment we can have by actually taking part in something. It is innocent fun, and having a good laugh is one of the best medicines for the mind. see: Monty Python Silly Walks at Youtube

Racing up Hills

I do enjoy racing my bike. Sometimes you get frustrated because you are not as fast as you would like. But, generally cycle racing is very good. I love the sense of achievement, the stretching of your own abilities and seeking to see how far you can push yourself. For some strange reason I really love hill climb races – basically races up a hill. Last week was the National Hill climb Championships in Matlock, a 2 minute climb up a hill of 20%. Half way up I felt dizzy in the head, all the blood had drained to my legs. It felt like I was dancing on the limits of my capacity. But, I felt really happy when I finished the race!

Singing

My earliest memories of singing was going to a school choir practice and singing very badly so they would have no chance of asking me to join. Actually, I had no need to try and sing badly, I could have just sang to the best of my abilities and I wouldn’t have been taken. So it was rather surprising that later in life, I would get so much from singing devotional songs composed by Sri Chinmoy and others. Singing can awaken a different part of our being. It can take us out of ourselves an in particular make us feel there is much more to life.

Question for the readers – Do you have any unexpected moments of happiness you would like to share?

Have there ever been times when you thought wow, i can’t believe I enjoyed that!

Related:

• Source Of Happiness
• Happiness and the Heart