Sri Chinmoy offers the supreme philosophy.

He is the great winner
Who wins.
He is the greater winner
Who is the cheerful loser.
He is the greatest winner
Who gives equal value
To victory and defeat.
He alone is the real loser
Who separates
Defeat from victory.

– Sri Chinmoy (1)

This is a lofty philosophy, and I wouldn’t say I have been able to manage such a sense of oneness with the winner of races; I still prefer to win! But, it is a potent reminder that there is more to a race than winning. The hardest test for a human is to remain cheerful whatever the outer circumstances. If we can remain happy, despite outer disappointment, that is a great achievement.

Some things I have learnt from 10 years of competing

Cheerfulness helps performance. I remember once hearing Sri Chinmoy tell runners in the 3100 Self-Transcendence mile race that if they smile more, they would run faster. I took this lesson to mean that if we can be cheerful and remember to smile, it can help us to be in a better frame of mind, and when we are in a better consciousness we can do better. Cheerfulness helps many aspects of performance. When we get angry and disappointed with ourselves, the opposite happens, we can lose our determination, confidence and enthusiasm. Maintaining cheerfulness helps us to be positive and determined. More subtly, a cheerful attitude helps us to get into that elusive ‘flow’ of good energy.

Dealing with disappointment. There isn’t any athlete who hasn’t been disappointed with their performance at some time of their career, if not every year. We are striving to do better and make improvements, but the body doesn’t respond in the way that we hope and expect. From a practical point of view it is important to be realistic and remember, this is an inevitability of life and physical performance. It may be a bit of cliché, but we never make progress in a straight line, it is more like a corkscrew, sometimes we have to go down as well as up. Remembering this inevitability, helps to prevent needless introspection and loss of motivation. Another cliché, often rolled out – is the fact that defeats are just as important as the victories. It maybe clichéd, but it is also true. With disappointing results, firstly we have to keep things in perspective; this creates a sense of detachment and balance which helps us to move on.

Enjoy the experience. The joy of winning is fleeting at best. You get to lift a trophy and a moment’s fame, but this joy is transient. A much better approach to sport is to try and enjoy every aspect of training, and racing. In one sense, racing on the limit is physically painful, but it gives a sense of satisfaction that you can’t get from sitting on a comfortable sofa. If we can remember to enjoy the exhilaration of performance and competing, we will get a much more lasting sense of fulfilment, that isn’t reliant on winning. Sri Chinmoy once said something like a marathon is torture for the body, mind and vital, but joy for the heart (unofficial quote from my memory)  I think all athletes can relate to the paradox of physical and mental pain, but at the same time getting some kind of joy from the whole experience.

Self-transcendence. Self-transcendence is simply our effort to better ourselves. This can be on any level – physical, mental and spiritual. We may not have the greatest natural talent, but we can always try to beat our previous bests or the best for our age category. Self transcendence means we are not comparing ourselves with others, but competing with ourself. From a practical point of view, it is very beneficial to only concentrate on your own performance and not think about other athletes. When you start wondering what your competitors are doing, you will lose focus. We cannot always transcend our physical capacities, but even if our time is disappointing, we can still try and transcend our approach to victory.

Detachment. Related to self-transcendence and the goal of competing with ourselves, we need to cultivate the capacity to have detachment from the result. Detachment doesn’t mean not caring. It just means we try to maintain equanimity whatever the outcome. Rather than seeing ourselves as a failure or success, we can just focus on what we achieved. As long as we have given everything, then we should seek satisfaction from that, and not the outer result.

The past is dust. Another great mantra, is ‘The Past is Dust’ Perhaps one performance or one season was disappointing. If we dwell on this, we bring a lot of negativity into our mind and this will only adversely affect our future performance. It is always better to concentrate on doing what we can at this present time, and just let go of any unfortunate experience. Just take a very practical approach, whatever position we are in, what is the best thing we can do from this situation?

Aiming for perfection. When I started competing I had a rather relaxed attitude. On the day of racing, I’d be trying to do a couple of other things I thought were important. I’d turn up to the race and perhaps a bit of equipment would be missing, I’d be a bit late or my preparation wouldn’t be ideal. There is nothing particularly wrong with this. But, there is a much better way of competing. I now try to see the race as some kind of spiritual discipline. On race day, I see the race as the most important thing, and don’t try to multi-task. It is much more relaxing and energising when we give ourselves time to make all the necessary preparations. Making sure our equipment is 100% in working order, looking the part. This might only make a marginal outcome on the result, but the change of attitude is very important. By giving the training and racing 100% focus, we can have a very different experience to just trying to fit it in amongst other things. I remember when preparing for a big race, one cycling coach said something like it was time ‘to be ruthlessly focused’ This advice  jumped up at me, and I took it to heart. For that race, I decided to leave no stone unturned.

Attitude in a race. Before a race, I try to meditate. I usually meditate twice a day, but I feel it also helpful for racing because it focuses the mind. In meditation, we try to get rid of thoughts and bring our inner will to the fore. Then as you go and do the race, you try to continue this meditative approach. When you’re racing, you don’t want to be thinking of how you are unprepared or something like that. You want to be completely focused on the effort of the race. I try to get into that zone, where it feels there are no mental barriers to getting out your best performance. One of the highlights of racing, is when you feel you get beyond that thinking level and feel you’re just on the limit and everything is combining to get the best effort. From one sense racing at the limit is great physical pain, but there is also a freedom from the usual mental drudgery; you are really living life on the edge. It becomes hard to explain, but it can be a great experience. This is something to try and feel grateful for.

Related articles

• The Zen of success
• Unexpected moments of happiness
• Difference between false happiness and real happiness

(1) Sri Chinmoy, – The Dance Of Life, Part 19, Agni Press, 1973

Photo: Aravyan, Sri Chinmoy Cycling Team .

This self-awareness and personal honesty, doesn’t mean we have to be overly critical of ourselves. We are not trying to make ourselves feel guilty; it is not about confessing sins, but a willingness to understand our true motivations and be aware of our shortcomings. If we always live with an attitude of self-justification and feel we are always right, we will struggle to make any real progress and will be more prone to pride and insecurity. But, if we can be honest and aware of our shortcomings, we can become the person we really want to. It may be a little hard work, but it will pay off in the long run!

These are some exercises we can take to make sure we are not living in a bubble.

1. Motive. Before undertaking an action what is the motive behind it? If we are undertaking an action, why are we doing it? Would we still do it if nobody was aware of it? It is not wrong to welcome appreciation of others. But, if our action is only motivated by the desire to please others or show off, then we are only feeding our ego and it can cause problems. A pure motive helps us to transcend the ego and we gain satisfaction from extending our sense of oneness.

2. Criticism? Do we put other people down to make us feel better? There is a part of us that tries to bolster our self-esteem by feeling better than others. This can make us critical of other people. We may not even be aware we are doing this, unless we can be really honest about our motives. Instead, we should feel our self-esteem can be built by encouraging and being sympathetic to others. It means avoiding the temptation to jump onto a train of gossip. It means we need to cultivate more self-belief and self-confidence.

3. Do we spend too much time making excuses?

It is human nature to try and blame our misfortune on other people and outer circumstances. But, shifting the blame onto other people is often a clever way of hiding our own shortcomings. Sometimes we think that only if we can move away from people who make life difficult for us, everything will be OK. But, when we do move somewhere else, we find the same problems are just as prominent. This is because the weakness is stemming from ourselves. We only see the our limitations reflected in other people.

“The only devils in this world are those running around in our own hearts, and that is where all our battles should be fought.”

– Mahatma Gandhi

If we are prone to anger, we can always blame the situation and the actual trigger for our anger. But, this will never deal with the underlying problem. Instead, we should make a conscious decision to overcome anger, and bring peace into our system. Here honesty is helping us to become aware of our shortcomings and helps us to realise that it is up to us to decide what will causes us to lose our inner peace.

4. Do we seek flattery / sympathy? Are we looking for sympathy / praise? Sometimes we go ‘fishing’ for sympathy or praise.  If we subconsciously seek sympathy, this can encourage a sense of self-pity and weakness. If we have misfortune, is part of us enjoying the sympathy we get? We have to keep asking ourselves, are we trying our hardest to create a positive outcome?

5. False modesty. Do we make a big show of trying to prove our humility and modesty? Humility does not mean making ourselves invisible, humility means accepting with good grace what life puts on our plate. Sometimes, when we try to be humble, it is a false humility, and really it is our ego that is seeking reassurance. Real modesty and humility means we try to maintain an attitude of gratitude for whatever role we need to play on life’s stage.

There is a fine line between genuine self-awareness and being too harsh on ourselves. But, honesty and a mindfulness of our state of being

Poem top:

Sri Chinmoy, Ten Thousand Flower-Flames, Part 70, Agni Press, 1983

Photo: Menaka, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries

A oneness-heart
Cures
Insecurity-fear.

– Sri Chinmoy [1]

These are some steps to overcoming insecurity.

Recognise the problem and make an effort to overcome

The first thing is that people may not realise a lot of their anxieties, worries and fears stem from a sense of insecurity about ourselves. We worry because we are insecure about our standing in society and amongst friends. When we are aware of a misplaced insecurity, it becomes much easier to try and overcome it. This requires an awareness and honesty about our motivations and actions.

Don’t be overly critical of other people.

If you spend time criticising and judging other people, you will subconsciously fear the same treatment yourself. Invariably highly critical people have a deep seated insecurity themselves. The motivation to criticise comes from a need to make themselves feel superior to other people. However, the attempt to make yourself feel better by putting other people down will never work. At best, we get a temporary false sense of security, but it never lasts. If we want to create a genuine sense of self-belief and self-confidence, never base it on being superior to others. In fact it is the opposite, if we can have a sympathetic and empathetic attitude, we will feel better ourselves.

People think about you much less than you imagine.

We often feel that people are constantly thinking about us. We worry what they might be saying. But, often people think about us much less than we imagine. Even if people do gossip, it doesn’t mean much and it will soon pass. If you are the subject of gossip, look upon it as a tiny insect crawling over an elephant. The elephant remains unmoved and the insect soon gives up trying to bother the elephant.

Don’t dwell on mistakes

We all make mistakes and errors of judgement. But, if we focus on this too much, it can magnify the problem and we will just develop more insecurity. Guilt is especially a damaging emotion because we feel bad. Guilt makes us seek redemption and people’s approval. But, it is better just to let go misplaced feelings of guilt. The best way to move on from past mistakes, is simply to be active and dynamic. If we brood over the past, our insecurity will never end. But, if we can take even a small positive step, our self-confidence will improve.

Concentrate on the opposite

If we are prone to insecurity, take the time to concentrate on the opposite. Remember our good qualities. If we can cherish a few positive thoughts, it is the best and most effective way to wash away some of our insecurities. Rather than fight, just embrace the alternative.

The heart unites, the mind divides

The mind divides us from other people. It is the mind and our ego which constantly play the game of superiority and inferiority. However, if we bring the qualities of the heart forward, we can develop a sense of oneness with other people. We won’t feel insecure when we feel a kinship with other people.

Learn to be detached about judgement

Everyone gets judged by all and sundry. Sometimes it may have a degree of truth, sometimes not. It is important to be detached and let this judgement go. It doesn’t affect who we are, but if we keeping thinking about adverse judgements, it can bind us and make us feel inadequate. When we learn to be detached, we will feel more secure about ourselves.

Don’t feel the need to explain or defend yourself.

A good practise to overcome insecurity, is making a point of not feeling the need to explain or defend yourself. Insecurity is really a form of pride in disguise. If we let got of our pride, we don’t have any reason to be insecure. Also, if you have done something good, avoid the temptation to tell everybody about it. Invariably people will find out anyway. But, it is much better to have the confidence to concentrate on doing the good things without the need for approval. This will lessen our insecurity because we are basing our satisfaction on the intrinsic act rather than waiting for flattery.

Related

• How to overcome irrational thinking
• How to overcome jealousy
• How to boost your self-esteeem

Notes

[1] Sri Chinmoy, #21610 Seventy-Seven Thousand Service-Trees, Part 22, Agni Press, 2001

Photo

Jowan, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries

It is too easy to get into a negative mindset which invariably leads to unhappiness and depression. To avoid being overwhelmed by negativity we need to make a conscious effort to avoid the experience. When life seems like a perpetual dark tunnel these are some suggestions to change your outlook on life.

Don’t Cherish Destructive Thoughts.

Often we don’t realise how much we subconsciously cherish negative thoughts. It may seem counter intuitive, but often a negative frame of mind occurs because we won’t let go of the negative thoughts and ideas. Sometimes the mind clings on to these thoughts with a feeling of self pity or injured pride. We don’t like the negative frame of mind, but at the same time are we consciously trying to overcome it? The problem is that if the negative thoughts go round and round in our mind they can become powerful and we lose a sense of perspective. Just make a conscious decision to ignore the negative flow of thoughts and sentiments and be persistent in these attempts.

Do You want to be Happy or Miserable?

Do you want to be always happy?
Then give up fighting
For negativity
And learn the beautiful art
Of self-encouragement.

We should feel a negative mindset is a choice. If we feel a victim to our own emotions and thoughts, nobody else will be able to help us. We should feel that by holding on to a negative frame of mind, we are inevitably choosing to be unhappy; each negative is a conscious decision to be miserable. If we really value the importance of our own inner peace and happiness, we will aspire to cultivate this through good, uplifting thoughts. Next time you feel the onset of a depressed state of mind, just ask yourself the question: Do I want to be happy or Miserable?

Spend Time With Positive People

The best antidote to negativity is simply to spend time doing positive, uplifting activities. Sometimes if we analyse and examine our own negativity it does nothing to reduce it. By engaging in useful fun activities, we forget about the reasons for our negativity; this is often the most powerful way to overcome a depressed state of mind.

Don’t Accept Negativity from Other People

We live in a world where there are no shortage of pessimists, critics and doom-mongers. There will always be people who can find the negative in life; but, there is no reason why we have to ascribe to their world view. For example, often in an office environment there is a negative attitude to the workplace, but, even if there are faults and limitations we don’t have to allow them to make us a negative person.

Let Go of Thoughts

If you can learn to control your thoughts, you can control the experience and emotions of life. The best antidote to negativity is learning the art of meditation. Meditation is more than just relaxation; it is a change in consciousness. We move from the limited perspective of our mind and discover an inner source of happiness.

Live in the Heart

The nature of the mind is to be suspicious and critical. If someone does 99 good things and 1 bad thing, the mind will invariably remember the bad thing. If we allow ourselves to be drawn into highlighting the mistakes of others we will invite a negative mindset. However, if we live in the heart we are not drawn to the faults of others (even if they are insignificant). It is in the heart that we can have a true sense of oneness with others, their faults seem insignificance and we can feel a sense of identity with the achievements of others.

Don’t Sit Around Doing Nothing

The worst thing for a negative frame of mind is to mope around feeling sorry for ourselves. Ruminating on our bad luck / worries / fears will not diminish them in any way. Exercise can be a powerful way to bring about a new consciousness. Negativity is often associated with boredom and lack of purpose. Stop endlessly checking emails and surfing web, look for something good to do.

Force Yourself to Think of Three Positive Thoughts.

If you are feeling really miserable and have a low sense of self esteem, try thinking of 3 good things that you have done. At time our own mind can be our worst enemy and very self critical. It is important not to lose a sense of balance; for the various bad things we have done, we have also done some good things.

Don’t Think Anything You Wouldn’t Say in Front of People

We often think things we would never say in front of people. If you are annoyed, disappointed with someone else, imagine what you would say to them in person. Sometimes when we are with people we are forced to behave; even if we are not particularly sincere the effort to avoid negativity can help us to overcome our bad mood.

Related Posts

• Seven Steps to Inner Peace
• How To Be Kind To Yourself
  
  10 Tips to avoid depression

Photo by Pavitrata, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries

[1] Sri Chinmoy , Ten Thousand Flower-Flames, Part 12, Agni Press, 1981.

One of the biggest problems we have is the tendency for our mind to think in an irrational / unbalanced way. We see issues and other people through a clouded and fuzzy perspective. This judgement leads us to many problems, not least it makes life more stressful and depressing.

These are some of the common perspectives on life which are misleading.

Jumping to Conclusions

Often we jump to conclusions on a small fraction of evidence. Perhaps someone does not reply to our message at a particular point in time, we then project our own thoughts as to why this is. The mind creates a powerful scenario which we come to believe. Yet, our mental projections are often far from reality. To make things worse we often jump to conclusions in a negative way. The mind is suspicious of others’ intentions and we definitely create problems for ourselves by doubting our friends and relatives. We have to be very wary of jumping to conclusions; at the very least we should remind ourself our conclusion is likely to be wrong.

It may be unfortunate to be mistreated by others, but, it is much worse to have a suspicious mind

Black and White Thinking

We often come to see the world in black and white terms – either we are a total success or failure. Other people are either friends or enemies. The problem is that one small mistake can make us feel a total failure. For example, we say one wrong thing so then assume we have messed up a relationship with someone. On the other hand a small success can bloat us with pride. Life is never so clear cut; we have to avoid both the depths of despair and heights of vainglory. Rather than seeing ourselves as a total failure just see mistakes as stepping stones on the path to self-development.

Blaming other People for own Faults.

Often we sit in judgement on other people, but, if we were honest we would realise many of their faults we too share. We are not judging out of compassion but out of a sense of self-importance. The worst thing is when we do something wrong but seek to pass the blame onto other people – If  only other people had done the right thing we would been fine. This is just our clever mind justify its wrong actions. But, with this attitude we will just continue doing the wrong thing and create more problems. We have to be honest with ourselves.

“We are our own fate-makers. To blame others for the unfavourable conditions of our lives is beneath our dignity. Unfortunately, this act of blaming others is one of man’s oldest diseases.”

– Sri Chinmoy [1]

Over Dramatisation

Part of us likes drama and intrigue. We get a subtle pleasure from the soap opera of life. But, there is a danger in over dramatising situations where it is not necessary; we can feed negative situations and make small conflicts escalate beyond all proportion. We stake too much on an insignificant issues, often putting others on the spot to make decisions one way or the other.
Don’t take everything to heart – small issues will soon blow over – if we allow it.

Emotional thinking.

Emotions are fleeting. Anger comes and goes. Fear comes and goes. Our emotional state is unreliable guide to the truth of an issue. Many times we are relieved we don’t act out of impulsive anger. To really understand a situation, we have to see it without the cloud of emotion. Take time to see beyond a misleading emotion.

These ways of looking at life all share a common theme – it is easy to gain an unbalanced look at life. When we look at problems through a certain filter it is inevitable that we create problems and have poor perception.

To deal with this problem we need to avoid jumping to conclusions and be wary of our initial judgements. Before acting we need to test our state of mind

• Are we judging with our critical mind or our compassionate heart?
• How would we want over people to behave / think in our situation?
• If we spoke out aloud our thoughts would we be embarrassed about what we are saying?
• Have we taken a second opinion from other people we trust?
• Why are we being determined to see the negative side of life?

Related

• Positive thinking – its benefits and limitations
• Avoiding misunderstanding

References

[1] Sri Chinmoy, Yoga And The Spiritual Life. The Journey of India’s Soul., Agni Press, 1971.

Yoga is the ancient art of Self-Discovery, and  Self-Realisation. Yoga is a Sanskrit word meaning ‘Union with God’, – ‘Union with the Highest consciousness’. When we talk of Self-Realisation, it means realising the divine nature of our Higher Self, our Inner Pilot. A Buddhist may call it entering into Nirvana, a Hindu may talk of liberation / God-realisation. Ultimately, it is a state of consciousness beyond name and form and the limitations of the mental world. The Upanishads talks of ‘Sat Chid Ananda’ – Existence, Consciousness, Bliss – Our highest Self – a being of pure delight.

Such ideas may seem very far from our present state! Given the limitations of our mind and nature, a consciousness of unbridled delight and peace seem a far cry. Most of us would  settle for just a little bit more peace, a little bit more joy. But, the highest teachings of yoga tell us that there is no end to our inner self-transcendence. – All we need to do is realise the divinity within.

In the West, yoga often invokes images of hatha yoga – difficult postures for calming the physical being and gaining greater peace of mind. But, hatha yoga is only one small aspect of the ancient path of yoga. There is also.

• Bhatki yoga – the path of love and devotion.  Bhakti yoga doesn’t worry about philosophical discourse and explanations, it merely seeks to love. It is not a human love based on possession and expectation. But, a divine, universal love without expectation or sense of possession.
• Jnana yoga – the path of wisdom – gaining true insight into our real being; a wisdom which is much more than intellectual understanding. A wisdom that comes from knowing our deepest soul through meditation.
• Karma Yoga – the path of action. Making progress through selfless service to the rest of humanity. It is selfless service without expectation of reward, recognition. It is egoless work done with detachment to the outcome.

How To Make Progress Through Yoga

Yoga means we make a conscious effort to transform our consciousness. It means facing upto  and transcending our weakness. It requires a faith in God, or at least a faith in our self. It requires patience and persistence and the ability to remain focused on our self-improvement.

Patience, Perseverance.

Patience is sometimes viewed as a negative, or at least static thing. But true patience means ignoring the demands of the ego and accepting the transformation of nature which inevitably takes time. It is a mistake to think the path of yoga is about austerity and a bed of thorns. To seek our real self, is the most rewarding thing we can undertake. But, neither is it an easy downhill path with everything done for us. But, nothing worthwhile is without trials and challenges. We cannot give up at the first hurdle, but must remain committed to yoga, however, bumpy it is. How to be more patient

Enthusiasm.

To make progress in any aspect of life, we need an enthusiastic attitude. It is the same with yoga, we can make the fastest progress only when we value and are enthusiastic about the goal. See: Enthusiasm

Honesty / Self Appraisal.

In yoga we need to overcome the ego. The justifications and excuse of our ego, just make our journey longer. See balance between self-criticism and self-encouragement

Inner Strength.

Yoga is not for the feint hearted, sometimes, you need to go against the prevailing way of the world. We cannot allow ourselves to be sucked into materialistic goals. Yoga doesn’t negate the outer life, but, seeks to give a proper balance between inner wealth and outer wealth. This needs an inner strength to be true to our inner calling.

Simplicity

Sometimes it is the simplest things which matter in yoga. A sincere smile, doing something with love, doing something selflessly – outwardly it may not sound much but it can make a big difference in yoga.

Each smile
Is a radical
Self-improvement.

photo: Sri Chinmoy Centre Gallery

We’ve all heard it before from well-meaning people – that focusing on our own self-improvement is an intrinsically selfish act. That it ignores all the people out there less fortunate than ourselves we should be helping. That it is basically an exercise in narcissism.

Let me say it right from the start – there is absolutely not even a grain of truth in this. And here are three very powerful reasons why:

Reason 1: You have to have it in order to give it

If we do not have inner awareness, or reached a state of inner contentment, then the so-called help we offer to the world will be driven by our need for self-approval and self-validation. We become more concerned about gaining approval for what we have done than about the people we are helping. We may have the outer resources necessary to help others, but we do not have the inner resources to do the job wisely, and with the proper amount of concern and detachement.

The journey of self-improvement gives you those inner resources. It brings to the fore new talents and capacities you never knew you had, and these capacities give you a greater sense of self-confidence as you go out into the world.

Reason 2: When you discover yourself, you discover the world

Our mind works by dividing and classifying whatever it looks at. Unfortunately we apply this to our fellow human beings too, creating walls and pushing them away from us so that it is very hard to feel a connection with others outside of a small group of people.

However, in the process of self-improvement, you have experiences which take you beyond the mind and towards the very core of your being. You begin to be aware of something very interesting – the deep and profound connection between you and every one of your fellow human beings. When you are more self-aware, you ‘feel’ the human condition more. You have much greater empathy for the struggles that everyone goes through on this earth.You feel a tremendous sense of goodwill towards even total strangers – the guy walking down the street, the girl at the checkout; all of us are going through life, trying to be happy as best we can. The process of self-discovery puts you more in touch with the world than ever before.

Reason 3: Self discovery gives you your life purpose – and that makes the world a better place

Perhaps the most important point in this whole article is this – our purpose in life always has something to do with making the world a better place. This can manifest itself in an infinite number of ways – creative people help to expand the realm of our possibilities, athletes inspire us all to go one step further through their dedication, whereas some people are at their happiest when giving their time and energy to serving others with out any expectation of something in return.

Each one of us has an absolutely unique purpose – something which they can offer to the world in a way that no-one else can. Some of us are lucky and are practically born knowing what they want to do – the rest of us just have to go deep within and bring that inner purpose to the fore.

The more we are centred and in touch with the core of our being, we can feel an inspiration coming from within which points out the path we should take. We have all had these moments of deep inner feeling that we should do a certain thing before; they carry with them a great sense of certainty and inner happiness which mere mental prevarication cannot provide. Over time we learn to trust this inner intuition more, and listen to it as it guides us along the path of our inner purpose.

So, far from being selfish, the process of self-discovery can reveal how you can best serve the world, and be truly happy at the same time.

Photo: Sri Chinmoy Centre Gallery

Sometimes we get a subtle kind of thrill by indulging in jealous thoughts of other people, thinking that what goes on in the confines of our minds can’t really harm anyone. But for people who are consciously trying to better themselves and grow into their highest potential, indulging in jealousy can infact be a significant stumbling block to inner progress.

Why is that? Well, when we harbour jealous thoughts, we inhabit a mental space that consists solely of the person we are jealous of. In doing so we limit our possiblilities and our view of the world shrinks; we begin blaming other people for our current state rather than doing something about it ourselves.

Jealousy also brings us further away from true awareness of the world, as it invariably always exaggerates the person’s bad qualities, and these exaggerations then become our reality. It acts as a kind of a filter where we often see only the bad things about the person, and not the person as a whole.

And oft, my jealousy shapes faults that are not.
-William Shakespeare

Jealousy is also very hard to get rid of, primarily because we indulge in it and do not make any effort to root it out. It is usually only after we have had a few tough experiences where friendships have been damaged or some other calamity has occured, that we decide to do anything about it.

The jealous are troublesome to others, But a torment to themselves.
-William Penn

It is also quite a secretive weakness. Outwardly we may be very friendly towards that person because we do not want to percieved as petty and vindictive, whereas inwardly we are thinking the most horrible things. However, rest assured that things always come to a head if left unchecked….

Yet he was jealous, though he did not show it,
For jealousy dislikes the world to know it.
– Lord Byron

Kicking the jealousy habit

• Think only about our own progress. If we waste time cherishing negative feelings towards someone, we are effectively giving that person a dominant role over our life. Our lifespan is so short here on earth, and there is so much to do in order to fulfill our life’s purpose – we have to feel we simply do not have time to waste on things like jealousy!

• Work on reducing your insecurity. It is often said that hate is a disguised form of love – even so jealousy often comes out of a need to be held in high regard by the person in question. Last week, I wrote on the topic of self-acceptance; if you can truly be happy in yourself without the need for approval by others, then fulminating on how others are better than you will occupy much less space in your life.

• Play a trick on your mind. If you cannot raise yourself to the lofty methods mentioned in the other points, then you can try a more human way of solving the problem. As jealousy often stems from a feeling of inferiority, you can instead say to yourself “I can sing/write/(other) better than him/her, but I do not want to waste my time” This is a clever way of rising above feelings of inferiority. However, making yourself feel superior to the person is hardly a permanent solution to the problem, but it can be used as a stepping stone to trying the other methods.

• Feel your oneness. Jealousy comes from a feeling of separation – the mind tends to build barriers between ourselves and others, whereas when we go beyond the mind and use our hearts of goodwill, we see that we are in fact all interconnnected, all part of one giant world family. In an ordinary family, when a sibling achieves something, we are just as thrilled as if we had done it ourselves. Similarly, if you feel that someone else who has achieved something great is part of your larger world family, then you can feel the same joy as if you had done the thing.  My meditation teacher Sri Chinmoy once gave this very illumining answer: “When one part of my body does something, the other part does not feel miserable, because each knows that it belongs to the same body, and that the entire body is its reality. When I work with my mind, my feet do not feel miserable, because they have established their oneness with my mind….Unless and until we have realised others as our very own, we call them different personalities, different individualities. But if we can see and feel them inside ourselves as members of our own larger family, jealousy will disappear from our life of aspiration.”

Photo of the ‘green eyed monster’ :): Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries

Often we feel that by constantly being aware of our weaknesses and analyzing them to death, we are making progress towards eliminating them. Yet very often the exact opposite is true: by focusing on our weaknesses, we often end up only perpetuating the cycle of misery and self-loathing that these weaknesses inflict upon us, and we in fact increase their hold upon us.

It can be much more rewarding to instead work on cultivating the opposing positive quality as an antidote. This has a number of advantages over merely ruminating on your negative qualities. By invoking positive qualities and seeing the transforming effect they have on your life, you feel a new sense of empowerment and are inspired to continue. Also, we all like adding new things to our life, and each new positive quality we develop makes us feel a fuller, more rounded person. Most importantly, we deprive these negative qualities of the mental oxygen they need to fester inside us.

Here are a few negative qualities and the ‘antidote’ quality to them that you can cultivate; as you can see, it is by no means an exhaustive list and I am sure you can easily think of a few more….

Doubt and certainty

Self-doubt can be one of the most damaging of all our negative qualities, in that it scuppers our attempts at self transformation and often dooms us to failure before we even get out of the starting blocks. Often we are so burdened down with doubt and hesitation that we never make the first move at all. However if we can feel that inwardly we are destined to achieve our goal, then the distance between us and that goal shortens immeasurably. We may stumble time and time again, but the very fact that we are determined never to give up means that these qualities will one day surrender to our will power.

Lethargy and dynamism

This is one very obvious application of cultivating a positive quality. In fact the very word ‘dynamism’ has great power, and just by repeating it over and over again, you begin to feel like a human dynamo, filled with energy and constantly on the move. As you feel it you can try and identify where in your body the lethargy is coming from, and imagine that you are surcharging that area with tremendous energy and enthusiasm.

Jealousy and oneness

Jealousy comes because we feel a sense of ‘otherness’ – i.e. someone else has what we do not, someone else has achieved something and is getting all the credit. In this case, the best antidote is to remove this sense of otherness by instead feeling your oneness with that person. In a way, you can think of the world as a giant family. In a normal family, when someone does something great, the brothers and sisters feel just as proud and happy as if they had done it themselves. Similarly, you can feel the same sense of joy that someone in your global family has done something great – in fact when you really develop this sense of oneness, you can definitely feel the same joy as if you achieved that thing yourself.

Anger and peace

The effect that inner peace has on controlling your anger is something many people find out about naturally when they take up a practice of meditation. For example, I came to the practice of meditation not knowing exactly what to expect. Practically the first thing I found that the ‘trigger spots’ that used to make me see red somehow failed to have that effect anymore – the inner peace I had found from meditation had somehow seeped into my outer life and neutralised much of the temper I had. In fact one meditation exercise you can do is use breathing to cultivate peace; when you breath in, feel that peace is entering and spreading through your entire being, and when you breathe out, you can feel that all the stress, tension and anger is leaving your system for good.

(Photo: Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries Macedonia)

We often look at aspects of our lifestyle and say to ourselves “oh, I wish I could change that”, but the prospect of commiting to change for an indefinite period of time is something we often find quite intimidating! Instead, why not try and embark on a new course of action for a finite period of, say, a month? There is some scientific evidence to support the notion that after about three weeks of doing something, a habit begins to form and you find it much easier to do that thing. 30 days is also a long enough time for you to see the benefits of what you are doing, so that you will be encouraged to pursue it further.

Here are three suggestions – there are many other ideas that would suit a 30 day programme out there, which I may write about in a future blog entry….

A little writing project with a big difference

No, we’re not talking about an essay or a creative composition – we’re only talking about a couple of minutes in the morning where you write down three dreams you hope to fulfill. You might start with writing down some things you hope to get done within the day, but often a spontaneous idea will often come along, or a thing you’ve never done but always wanted to try – write them all down, even if they are impractical at the moment or cannot be fulfilled immediately. The very act of writing generates a spontaneous energy to go out and fulfill the dream; it might not be realised overnight, but at least on that day you have begun to take the first step.

For a month you can keep by your bedside a book with at least 30 pages, one for each day, and write as soon as you get up. Better still, you could get a big calendar with large boxes for each day, so you can see today’s intentions against the light of your previous intentions.

In addition, every day for a month you can write down seven things you currently have in your life that you are grateful for. We spend so much of our lives focusing on what is wrong with ourselves and the world; this exercise will help balance the scales by bringing your awareness to the good things in life that often go unnoticed. A friend of mine recently told me of an inspiring article she read in a magazine about a woman who had recently overcome a severe bout of clinical depression. Now having emerged the other side of that experience, she relates how one thing that really helped her was being grateful for absolutely everything, even the tiniest little things, like the wind brushing through her hair, or a beautiful flower that caught the corner of her eye. For me, this definitely changed my focus whilst doing this exercise – in addition to being grateful for the ‘big’ reasons like having a content life and an opportunity to discover myself, I could also find millions of small reasons to be grateful right around me.

Learning an instrument

We all have a particular instrument which we see being played and say to ourselves ‘I would really like to play that..’ Many people are put off by learning an instrument because they compare themselves with music professionals and feel they will never reach that level, so why bother? In many ways this attitude is reflective of a wider Western malaise; we feel we will be happy only after we have attained a certain goal, and we don’t believe in just getting joy out of the process of learning.

The only way to get out of this attitude is by taking the plunge. It is true that many instruments are very expensive to purchase, but many places will offer instruments for rent, which gives you an opportunity to really make a go of it for 30 days and see if it is the instrument for you. However it is important to take lessons from a professional; I didn’t when I was learning play the flute, and learned quite a few bad habits which are proving to be rather difficult to undo 🙂 Set yourself a certain time in the day to practice for 15 minutes and stick to that time. You will find that you will have good days and bad days, but no matter what, there will be an enduring sense of satisfaction for just staying at it.

A mantric exercise to cleanse your thoughts

This is an exercise my meditation teacher Sri Chinmoy taught me, and it has helped me considerably over the years to silence my mind and brush those negative thoughts out of the system. It is imported to do this seated in a quite place where you wont be disturbed – the best time is early in the morning. We can use a mantra like the famous ‘Aum’, which has been used for thousands of years in the East and which is said to connect one with the universal consciousness, or we can use an English mantra like the word ‘Supreme’ which evokes the highest part of our being, the finest and noblest qualities of the human soul. However, instead of saying it slowly like it is normally recited, instead we try to repeat it quite fast. As we repeat it we can feel the sound of the mantra reverberating inside the heart. The other great thing about a mantra is that the mind is occupied with counting the number, so there are less thoughts.

The first day we start with 500 – if we do it quite quickly, this should take 10 minutes. The next day we move up to 600, the day after to 700 and so on until at the end of the week we are up to 1200. Then we go back down – 1100, 1000 and so forth – until we arrive at 500 again. Over the third week we again increase in steps of 100 to 1200, before going back down again to 500. This four week exercise never fails to fill me with extra energy and clarity of purpose.

Photo source: World Harmony Run gallery