If you struggle with low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy, these are some suggestions to gain self confidence and increased self-esteem.
Remember the Good, forget the Bad
If we are honest with ourselves we will notice that all humans are a mixture of bad qualities and good qualities. However, perhaps out of a sense of false modesty, we are more prone to remember our mistakes and weaknesses. It is this that makes us feel guilty and worthless. But, in this situation, we are doing ourself a disservice; true we have made some mistakes, but, we have also done many good things. We should make a conscious effort to remember our good qualities and selfless actions to others. If we have made mistakes, learn from them, but, don’t allow them to drag you down with feelings of guilt. – Let go and move on.
Detach from Criticism
You can’t avoid getting criticised, but, it is upto you whether you let it disturb your peace of mind. It is no one other than yourself who can rob you of inner peace. If you receive criticism, don’t let it disturb your peace of mind. Feel it is criticising only an aspect of your character – an aspect you can easily improve. If the criticism is unjust, pay no attention to it. Just leave it with the other person.
Stop Procrastinating
Often feelings of inadequacy occur during periods of great procrastination. Rather than doing anything positive, we just think of all the things we haven’t done. Here it is easy to get into a negative frame of mind, thinking of all the things we should be doing, but haven’t. The cure for this is quite simple. – Stop procrastinating and start to achieve certain targets. As soon as we are actively working towards something we will have much greater self confidence.
Set Achievable Goals
When we can have a feeling of achievement it is a great boost for our self esteem. What we need to do is set small goals that enable us to have a feeling of self improvement. Don’t set unrealistic goals we will feel regret when we miss them. Our goals don’t necessarily need to be material achievements. We can set inner targets of breaking bad habits or starting good habits.
Listen to the Mind less and the heart More
The mind is full of judgemental thoughts about ourself and other people. When we live in the mind we have constant feelings of insecurity, doubt and pride. If we can bring to the fore the qualities of our heart we will unmistakeably feel improved self esteem. This is because in the heart we can feel more easily our true sense of self.
Keep Fit
The physical state of our body plays a crucial role in influencing our state of mind. If we are unfit, overweight it is like carrying a heavy weight around. Even if we try hard to ignore the body, it inevitably affects our state of mind and feelings of self esteem. If you look after the body by keeping fit, it is like looking after yourself. You will feel better for exercising and trying to lose weight. Even if you are not particularly successful in losing weight, it is not so bad as long as you are making sincere attempts to improve your fitness. When we do nothing, either consciously or unconsciously we harbour feelings of inadequacy and guilt.
Don’t Criticise Others
The human mind can be tricky at times. Quite often the mind tries to boost our self esteem by criticising and denigrating others. The mind feels that if we point out the weaknesses of others we can feel somehow ‘superior’ to others. This however, is a false way to boost self esteem. When we criticise other people, we are in a negative frame of mind and we are more likely to doubt ourselves. The thing to do is look for the best in others. If you try and boost other people’s self esteem it will be much easier to increase your own self esteem.
Avoid Feelings of Guilt
Guilt does not help anyone. By cherishing feelings of guilt you cannot rescind your past actions. Make a resolution to avoid repeating the mistake, but, then let go of your guilty feelings. Live in the present moment, not the past.
Dress Confidently
If you are immune to the opinion of the world, and care nothing for outer appearances you can dress like a street beggar and still have self esteem. However, for most of us we do place great value on our physical appearance. This may be a sub conscious feeling. But, if we dress in a confident and appropriate style we will be much more self confident. One doesn’t need to spend a fortune on clothes, but, it is important to have the ability to dress in a way we are happy with.
Don’t Be a Slave to Habits
When we feel a slave to our own bad habits, we feel powerless to overcome them. This creates a strong feeling of regret and guilt. However, there is no rule that we have to be a victim of our own bad habits. Definitely, we can overcome our bad habits – just try concentrating on the right thing. This will enable us to break our bad habits.
Photo by Prabhakar, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries
I have often said that the most successful and powerful people in the world are also the most disliked and criticized – they don’t spend their days worrying about what others think. Also we don’t realize how much of our everyday life is governed by habits – so we might as well make them good ones!
In the “Listen to the Mind less and the heart More” section, the last sentence was left hanging.
It starts, “It is the heart that”
> David. Thanks for Comment. I agree it is a good point
> Dan, thanks for heads up. !
“If the criticism is unjust, pay no attention to it. Just leave it with the other person.”
Wouldn’t this conflict with the need to stand up for yourself. You don’t get upset about the unjust criticism and maintain your composure, but can very calmly and assertively clarify your point. But if the other person is totally blocking all input, you can walk away with the satisfaction of having tried.
David Rogers says:
“I have often said that the most successful and powerful people in the world are also the most disliked and criticized”
So very true and I feel this probably is the major reason of often talked about “fear of success”
“Dress Confidently”
This might be a good strategy to build up your self esteem initially. But I would like to emphasize that in the long haul we would be better off if we learn to get in touch with the sub conscious feeling that leads us to attach our self esteem with our physical appearances. Ideally a healthy self esteem is not dependent on any external or material objects.
Thanks Tejvan for your very uplifting words. As someone who struggles with self-esteem issues, I found your message very timely, and it definitely injected a little sunshine into my day!
Great Blog. Great post. But i disagree with one point i-e
Don’t Criticise Others. I think positive criticism is necessary to boost a self esteem.
Yes, we struggles, dont comments against criticized for you, not see back, dont see past, dont care who is not like you, but this is the very important criticize force to improve your fault, past force for not will go wrong, if some one note like to you than question for himself why this. If you remember, you will make good man.
Akhilesh Dubey
Useful article. I am currently writing a post on the same topic. Thanks for the thoughts
A natural ability, intuition is something deep within us all. It is a powerful sense of knowing something without a logical rationale for how it is known or where the information came from.
I think we should be open for positive criticism, as in most cases human being doesn’t like to disclose his/her weak points… and in certain ways subconsciously trying to hide them. By being criticised – we learn the facts behind our weaknesses and trying somehow to address them. Through this, we would be able to rebuild our esteem in the soceity. We should not forget that without punishment and appreciation we cannot expect the desired socieity.
i just found this so healing n so true
thank u for such inspiration 
In a time in my life where self-esteem issues have taken absolute control over my everyday routine, this article gives me new hope for myself, as well as a slight confidence boost from the fact alone that I can do something about my lack of confidence. Thank you for your inspirational words, your posts here have literally changed my entire self-perspective. It’s people like you that make me see the good still left in the world.
Thanks again,
A dedicated reader and follower