I have read this information and plan to read it everyday. I am hoping that sharing my pain and reading this will help me find some peace. I am dying inside… I only hope this can help me find a way to let go, to forgive, to love my daughter again.

Thanks for having a place to say this. Just sharing this with someone helps.
Shannon

I have had a bit of that myself. I am learning that while it is possible to forgive, ie. accept that this person is doing the best they can with regard to their own issues etc, the choice is mine whether I stick around to be the whipping boy.

It is difficult to get one’s mind around this.

I no longer hold anger or resentment towards the person concerned, and that is a great relief for me as prolonged “festering” was making me as ugly and twisted inside as she apparently is!

But, even although I have rationalised the reasons for her behaviour, and forgive her by accepting that she knows no other way, I have cut her out of my life as I know she will harm me unless she changes her habitual responses to her (own) issues. This probably won’t happen anytime soon, but I will be open to looking at this again if it ever does. She is a family member, so this was a real risk for me to take, as it has many ramifications.

I am trying to remeber the story of the scorpion, who gets a ride on somebody’s ( who was it?) back across a river after promising not to to sting him. When they reach the safety of the other side, the scorpion stings his helpful carrier after all. The moral of the story: the scorpion stung his friend because he couldn’t help himself – that’s what scorpions do.

I haven’t posted on this topic before and am doing so just now. I’ve invited commenters to give their thoughts on what forgiveness is, and I plan to do at least one follow-up post based mostly on people’s comments. However, here’s something I haven’t heard discussed before and plan to bring up at some point on my blog if no one else does:

Most of the time people address this topic, they’re looking at stuff that happened in the past. It still lives because it lives on in their minds.

What about situations faced by the most vulnerable and powerless – people who are wronged in an ongoing manner? Can forgiveness realistically take place while offenses are ongoing?

Think, for example, of dependent elderly and disabled persons who are abused or neglected and can’t get out of their situations.