May 6th, 2010 — | Posted by tejvan | meditation -
Recently, I offered a few meditation exercises. For those interested in meditation, these are a few practical tips that I have felt worked for me during the past 11 years of meditating every day.
Great Power in Group Meditation.
Meditation is about consciousness. If other people are aspiring to the same meditative consciousness it becomes easier for you to be receptive to it. If you are in New York Times Square, meditation will feel practically impossible. Of course, when we are very advanced, we will have the ability to meditate anywhere, but, in the beginning we should take any help we can get. In the beginning we will make more progress by meditating in sacred spaces and with others who are experienced in meditation.
Feel Thoughts as Separate from Yourself.
In the beginning it is very difficult to stop thoughts coming. But, you can feel thoughts as separate from yourself. Feel that each thought is coming from outside, and you can be like a gatekeeper allowing or stopping them. For a while, thoughts will keep coming into your mind. But, when you start to feel thoughts are separate to your real existence, they lose half their power. It is this feeling of separation from your thoughts that enables you to finally silence the mind.
It is not Like Turning on a Light Switch.
Meditation is a gradual process. You can’t expect instant enlightenment. It requires constant vigilance and practise. But, sometimes when you least expect it, you will be able to go much deeper than ever before.
Soulful Music
Meditation is a sacred activity. It is an awareness of a divine consciousness. Anything that turns the mind to loftier thoughts and experiences will help us in our meditation. We need to feel an aspiration to grow into something more fulfilling and illumining. Soulful music or writings by Spiritual Masters and great seekers can give us that inspiration to delve deep within.
Try a Different Place
We are used to living and identifying with the mind. The nature of the mind is to think, judge and separate. These qualities of the mind are the opposite to true meditation, so if you have difficulty quietening the mind, try focusing on the heart. You have to put your whole attention and concentration on this place in the centre of your chest. Try to feel that your whole existence has become your heart.
Don’t Judge Your Meditation
It is easy to become frustrated that our meditation is not progressing as we would like. Don’t hold onto expectations of certain experiences, concentrate on being in the present moment without judgement. If we are drawn to meditation every day, this alone is a good sign. Don’t give up just because one morning it was difficult; just try again at a more conducive time.
“When you meditate, please do not expect anything either from yourself or from God. You will be able to make the fastest progress if you do not expect anything from your meditation.”
- Sri Chinmoy (1)
Related
Ref:
(1) Concentration, Meditation – Yoga of Sri Chinmoy
May 4th, 2010 — | Posted by tejvan | life -
To make spiritual progress, certain qualities are indispensable. It is not enough to buy a few books and find the right spiritual path. You can surround yourself with the best wisdom and enlightened souls, but if we cling to our pride, stubbornness or a distorted view of reality, our progress can be worse than useless.
These are some Qualities essential for Self Improvement.
Honesty With Yourself.
There is a saying ‘The Truth Hurts’. In one sense the truth will hurt our ego or pride. But, to make progress it is essential we can be honest with ourselves. This means we are perfectly clear on our own inner motives. We may be able to fool other people we are acting selflessly, we may even be able to fool ourselves, but, if we can fool ourselves how can we make progress?
“Try to make yourself honest. If you become honest, then rest assured there will be one rascal less in the world.”
- Thomas Carlyle
For example, maybe we are unhappy with someone close to us. If we are honest, we will recognise that part of us is jealous of their success and / or feel insecure that we are no longer so valuable. However, the nature of our mind is that we tend to ignore our own emotions of jealousy and concentrate on justifying why they are bad and holding us back. We might not like to admit we are jealous because we know we shouldn’t harbour such feelings. But, until we admit we are feeling jealous we will be unable to overcome it.
Don’t Practise Endless Self-Justification
Self Justification is an almost endless habit of human nature. It stems from the desire to protect our status, social recognition and ego. When things are going wrong, we try to blame other people, external situations, anything but take responsibility for our own mistakes or wrong attitude.
If there is a real misunderstanding, then clearing it up can be helpful. The problem comes when we expend so much energy on justifying our wrong actions we almost come to believe we haven’t done anything wrong and so we effectively perpetuate our wrong attitudes and thoughts.
I am at once a fool and a rogue
When I blame others
For my own misdeeds.
- Sri Chinmoy (1)
This is closely related to being honest with ourselves.
Willingness to Change.
The nature of the mind is that it always likes to think it is right. Whatever idea / thoughts come into the mind, we always think we are right and everyone else is wrong. This can also breed a sense of self-righteousness and moral superiority.
We have to be very careful with out mental judgements. When we judge a situation or other people, we have to be aware we are only seeing part of the situation / part of the problem. The mind latches onto a few mistakes, but we need to remember the good qualities of the person. If we use our heart more we would be much less judgemental.
We also have to bear in mind, we may be wrong, or at least partly wrong. And where we are wrong, we have to be willing to change. To cling to misplaced ideas just because we don’t like to admit we are wrong, may have a place in the political world, but, in the spiritual world, it is just self-defeating.
“The man who never alters his opinion is like standing water, and breeds reptiles of the mind.”
~William Blake
Be Careful of the Ego.
One of the main aspects of self-improvement is diminishing the importance of our egoism. At the start we cannot eliminate our ego completely. But, we can be aware of the ego’s demands for name and fame. We try to be less influenced by the ego and be more humble. But, the ego is tricky, instead of being proud of worldly accomplishments, the ego can subtly become proud of its spiritual achievements – ‘O how spiritual I am! We may not say it outwardly, but, part of us is feeling that. In a way a the spiritual ego is much worse than an ordinary ego. When we become proud of our spirituality / religion, we become self-righteousness with a subtle feeling of moral superiority. We have to be very careful of the ego’s emotions and intentions and make sure it doesn’t sneak in an unexpected guise.
Patience and Persistence.
For thousands of years, man has been trying to perfect his human nature. Some spiritual paths suggest the cycle of perfection can take hundreds or thousands of human incarnations. Whether we believe in reincarnation or not, we have to admit that transforming human nature is a long and gradual path. Of course, it is not all difficulty and problems; it can be very rewarding to make progress, but at the same time we have to have patience and a steady perseverance. There is nothing to be gained by an impatient desire to expect instant perfection.
Cheerfulness.
When we are happy we can make progress. If we cling to unhappiness and dissatisfaction, progress will remain a far cry. Cheerfulness requires a good balance in life. It involves having a childlike attitude. Sometimes, part of us feels attracted to suffering; we subtly hold onto a feeling of being wronged, suffering. This can be very pervasive and difficult to get rid of. But, we need to be cheerful.
“For joy and not for sorrow earth was made.”
- Sri Aurobindo, Savitri
Related
(1) Excerpt from Twenty-Seven Thousand Aspiration-Plants, Part 222 by Sri Chinmoy
April 29th, 2010 — | Posted by tejvan | meditation -
There are a variety of different meditation exercises we can try. But, the important thing is not the number or type of meditation exercises that we learn – but how we practise them. The essential qualities of meditation we need to develop are:
- Intensity. If meditate half-heartedly, we will struggle to meditate.
- One Pointed Concentration. However, we meditate, we have to feel at the time nothing else is important. Nothing else should come to bother us.
- Aspiration. This is the desire to dive deep within and experience a more divine consciousness. If we feel this need for real peace and joy, we will have the intensity and discipline to meditate.
- Regularity. Meditation is an art. We need a daily discipline to improve our ability to detach from the mind.
- Ability to detach from thoughts.
“When you meditate, what you actually do is to enter into a calm or still, silent mind. We have to be fully aware of the arrival and attack of thoughts. That is to say, we shall not allow any thought, divine or undivine, good or bad, to enter into our mind. Our mind should be absolutely silent. Then we have to go deep within; there we have to observe our real existence. “
- Sri Chinmoy
When giving meditation classes in Oxford, I tell people about different meditation exercises, Sri Chinmoy has written about. Other paths, will have their own variations and types of meditation exercises. However, I personally find these three meditation exercises very effective. Often people report that they have good results from these.
Three Simple Meditation Exercises
1. Concentration on A Candle
Basically, we put all our attention and focus onto a small tip of the candle. We exclude everything else from our awareness. With this concentration we can make great progress with meditation. See – Simple To Learn Concentration Exercise
2. One-Four-Two Breathing.
Many forms of meditation use observance of your breathe. This is a simple, but, powerful exercise which can absorb your attention and enable you to go deep within. In addition, our breathing can have a profound impact on our state of mind. I often use this exercise myself, because I find it very helpful.
“The rhythm of your breathing is most important. If you breathe in for one second or for one repetition of the name of the Supreme, then you should hold the breath for four seconds or four repetitions. Then, when you breathe out, it should be for two seconds or the time it takes you to repeat the name of the Supreme twice. The breathing should be done softly and silently. When you breathe in and out, you should do it so gently that, even if there were a thread right in front of your nose, your breathing would not move it.” (- Sri Chinmoy, Pranayama. Read More)
3. Meditation on the Heart
It is in the heart where we find it easiest to distance ourselves from our own mind and own thoughts. The nature of the mind is to think, judge and separate. The nature of the heart is to feel oneness, love and identification with a vaster consciousness.
We can just concentrate on our own heart beat and try to imagine our whole sense of being is located in the heart. If you find helpful you could visualise a beautiful garden or light within your heart centre. Try this Meditation on the Heart Lotus Video
Related
photo top Daria, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries.
April 26th, 2010 — | Posted by tejvan | life -
(An active volcano – New Zealand – from www.worldharmonyrun.org)
In April, I travel to Jamaica, Queens, New York for a meditation retreat with my friends in the Sri Chinmoy Centre. It is a great opportunity to forget work, and the usual business concerns and spend time meditating and other spiritual activities. As I was preparing to return home, I heard news of flights cancelled and an erupting Volcano. My first thoughts were – that will soon pass, I mean who has ever heard of airplane flights been cancelled because of erupting volcanoes? But, as it got closer to my departure day, it dawned on me that Mother Nature is never bound by our fixed routines and expectations.
Suddenly all your plans, routines and expectations are tossed aside and you are left with a very different experience. I was fortunate, in that I had a nice place I could continue to stay and many friends around me were in the same boat, so to speak. But, the nature of our mind is to dislike any disruptions to our plans and routines; and the worst is not knowing what if anything will happen.
What can we do when our world is turned upside down?
Keep Things In Perspective
Not being able to get to work on time, is not the end of the world. Temporary material discomforts will make us appreciate a return to normality. If we can keep things in perspective it will avoid unnecessary despair. Even the worst experiences are not for ever. It is even more important to avoid speculating on an apocalyptic turn of events. Sometimes things look bleak in the present time, but, turn out to be less bad than feared.
Of course, when you’ve spent three hours trying to get through to Virgin Atlantic on a cold pay phone, on some New York side street, it’s much easier to talk of detachment and keeping things in perspective than actually practise it. But, nevertheless, we do need to try and be detached.
Comfort and Progress
Sometimes discomfort can bring unexpected qualities forward. It can give people opportunity for self-giving and concern for others. Severe challenges give us an opportunity to make progress by forcing us out of a comfort zone. When life is easy and predictable we can become passive and more easily bored. I’m not saying I would ever choose to be stranded in the middle of nowhere, with no means of getting home. But, when difficult experiences come, they can be turned to a useful and beneficial experience so long as we don’t panic and concentrate on the negatives.
An unavoidable necessity
Can quite often be
An unexpected opportunity.
by Sri Chinmoy (1)
Remain Cheerful.
Don’t feel guilty or frustrated about something you have no control over. It’s tempting to start blaming airline staff for somehow being unable to control the eruption of a volcano. An event like a volcanic eruption merely shows that there will always be things in life over which we have absolutely no control. We can’t stop a volcano, we can only stop our depressed thoughts.
If we can’t return home because of some event beyond your control, it is absurd to start feeling guilty, even if we have an unsympathetic boss.
If we can remain cheerful and positive in a crisis, it will be a source of strength to others. Often thinking of others, is the best way to stay positive and cheerful ourselves. It prevents us becoming too introspective.
Related
(1) Excerpt from Ten Thousand Flower-Flames, Part 93
April 6th, 2010 — | Posted by tejvan | simplicity -
Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.
~Confucius
I love simplicity. The idea of minimalism is also fascinating. The complexity of modern life only heightens the contrast between a path of simplicity and a path of complexity and clutter.
I am often drawn to a minimalist approach – this usually involves having a large scale clear out of all my clutter. I get great joy from giving unused things away. (though invariably, I will later find that the unused bike light of 2 years is suddenly needed.)
But, if life is stressful and cluttered it is very worthwhile evaluating what we can do without.
The More We Possess the More We Have To Worry About.
How many things are there which I do not want.
~ Socrates
The more we posses the more we worry about losing what we have. The more things that grab our attention, the more stressed we can be. Letting go of unnecessary possessions gives a feeling of relief. Rather than seeing how many possessions we can accumulate, we can take the alternative approach which is to make do with what we actually need.
Finding Space For the Important
We often have a subconscious fear of being with ourselves. We fill our life with external distractions. Superficial internet communications, hours in front of the tv. We want something to distract us, and we start to feel uncomfortable when it is not there. A life of simplicity enables us to be free of so many distractions and exterior pulls. It frees us to be able to know ourselves; it gives us freedom to concentrate on the important things in life. It gives us freedom to know the inner joyful nature of our being.
Simplicity is our natural or conscious awareness of reality. The moment we realise our highest transcendental Reality, we become simple. In the spiritual life, the higher we go, the deeper we go; the farther we go, the more we will see that Reality is only the song of simplicity and nothing else. The entire cosmic Game is extremely simple, but we look at it from a different angle in an obscure way.
- Sri Chinmoy (1)
Attachment and Non-Attachment.
There is a story about King Janaka from ancient India. He was a great King with tremendous wealth, but, he was also a great spiritual aspirant. He ruled wisely without attachment to his material wealth. On one occasion, King Janaka was visiting a holy man in the mountains. Then the King and all his people heard about a great disaster which was striking the city. Immediately, all the people rushed to protect their belongings. But, King Janaka alone stayed at the feet of his Guru in the Mountains. He had the most to lose, but, he also had the greatest detachment from his material possessions. This is a reminder that it is not the number of possessions that is important, but, our attitude. Having a small number of possessions is no guarantee we will be detached from unfulfilled material desire. We can be rich and at the same time focused on the inner life and what is important.
Pride and Minimalism
I sometimes take great pride in clearing out clutter. But, then regret it, as I realise later I will need to re buy what is now sitting in a charity shop. If we become dogmatic about our minimalism it can be as much a burden as a blessing. If we accumulate stuff for the sake of it, that is not helpful. But, if we are dynamically active in offering something to the world, we may find a garage overflowing with humanitarian aid. Minimalism is good if it helps us to reduce unnecessary desires, distractions and clutter, but, it cannot alone be the goal of life. The real simplicity needs to be in the mind and heart, not in external surroundings.
Photo by: Kedar Misani, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries
Related
(1) Excerpt from Life-Tree-Leaves by Sri Chinmoy
April 1st, 2010 — | Posted by tejvan | life -
How To Become A Better Person (in under 300 words)
Think of other people. Consider how you can make others happy and encourage them to do the right thing. Spend time to appreciate their good qualities and boost their self-esteem.
Don’t act for selfish motives. Don’t seek to gain at the expense of others. Don’t speak ill of friends for the motive of impressing other people.
Don’t waste time in seeking praise. Learn to let go of your ego. Humility does not mean putting yourself down. It means being content with what you are, without external praise / blame.
Never be jealous of others’ success or happiness. Learn to be happy through the well being of others. If others do good things, feel it is partly your achievement.
Don’t be attached to a negative frame of mind. As frequently as necessary, let go of negative thoughts. Don’t brood and be despondent. Be wary often the ego is involved in moods of despair and unhappiness. Cultivate cheerfulness.
Smile. If nothing else try to smile when meeting others.
Be enthusiastic in what you do. Whatever you find yourself doing, try to be enthusiastic and positive. Even the smallest act done with love and enthusiasm can make a difference.
Don’t force your opinions on other people. Also, listen patiently to others, but at the same time don’t be swayed by what other people think you should do. Test their advice against your inner wisdom.
Inner Peace Take time to find the inner peace and inner joy that is part of your real nature, but often hidden under the layers of our mental imaginings.
Listen to the promptings of the heart. Be sceptical of the cold judgements of the mind.
Better to make mistakes than to sit idle.
Don’t complain, make a difference.
Related
Photo: Sri Chinmoy Centre Gallery
March 16th, 2010 — | Posted by tejvan | life -
Conquer the angry man by love.
Conquer the ill-natured man by goodness.
Conquer the miser with generosity.
Conquer the liar with truth.
The Dhammapada
Everyone at some time wants to change the world. It is a noble ideal to leave the world in a better place than we found it, but how can we actually change the world?
When asked about how to change the world, great sages often reply by saying – first you must change yourself.
“Everyone thinks of
Changing the world, but no one thinks of
Changing himself.”
-Leo Tolstoy
Knowing one’s true self is to be in our highest consciousness. It is to be free of egoism, pride and selfishness. To know our highest self is to experience the oneness of creation. If we really see others as part of our extended self – how can we not be more loving to others and the world?
How To Change the World
“Try not to change the world. You will fail. Try to love the world. Lo, the world is changed. Changed forever.”
- Sri Chinmoy
There are different ways to change the world. Some feel the necessity for political action, some feel the need for humanitarian aid. Some feel the need to convince others through word and speech. Some feel the necessity for a spiritual approach. All ways can have their value. This is a look at how to change the world from a spiritual perspective.
The Smallest Acts of Love
“Without love, deeds, even the most brilliant, count as nothing.”
- St Therese of Lisieux
We are apt to think in terms of what we have actually achieved. We are results oriented and are impatient to see the fruits of our action. Then when we fail to see any change, we become impatient and frustrated. The spiritual approach is to aspire to do the right thing with the best motive and then be detached from the results.
From a spiritual perspective it is not what we achieve, but, the spirit with which we do it. If we wish to change the world for the better, act selflessly without a mixed motive of worldly gain. Our honest endeavour will make much more difference.
Be The Example Rather than The Missionary.
Perfect health, sincerity, honesty, straightforwardness, courage, disinterestedness, unselfishness, patience, endurance, perseverance, peace, calm, self control are all things that are taught infinitely better by example than by beautiful speeches
- Sri Aurobindo
Some people want to change the world from the comfort of their armchair or barstool. All they think is necessary is to tell the world where it is going wrong and what they need to do to put it right. If the world could be put right through a quick gossip and criticism of the world, the world would be perfect along time ago. Talking about what others need to do is fine, but doesn’t actually achieve anything. What we can do, is to be what we are aspiring for. We don’t have to convince others to change the world, they will take real inspiration from our transformed lives. When we are in a good consciousness, we automatically uplift others. If we are miserable and in a bad consciousness how can we hope to make the world a better place?
We can change the world,
But not improve it,
If we do not have peace.
- Sri Chinmoy
For every speech about the failings of the world, if only we good do one positive deed.
Appreciate Others
It is our ego which makes us think that it is we who can change the world. Actually we can do nothing on our own. It is only when there is a sense of shared responsibility, a feeling of brotherhood – that humanity will make real progress. To appreciate the best in others, is the best way to encourage, and inspire them to continue doing the right thing.
Often we have the temptation to change the world through the path of criticism and condemnation. But, there is another way. The way of encouragement; it is a way that people are much more receptive to.
Looking For Friends Not Enemies.
The deepest instinct of humanity is to befriend fellow man. How much joy we can get from offering our hospitality and good will to a stranger who passes by. When we think of other people, other nations, we always have a choice. Do we look upon them with our suspicious and fearful mind? Do we look on them as potential enemies? or do we look for their good qualities and see them as potential friends?
Sometimes the simplest approaches are the most effective ways of changing the world.
Also, it depends what we mean by changing the world. Some feel changing the world, can only involve some different political system, greater material well being. This is true to some extent. But, changing the outer forms is only part of the equation. We also need to change the consciousness of society. If we don’t change ourselves, if we don’t bring more peace into our own lives – how can we expect our institutions and politicians to become better.
Related
Quotes To Change The World
Things That Would Change The World
Photo: Pavitrata
March 11th, 2010 — | Posted by tejvan | happiness -
It is not by chance that we find ourselves happy or miserable. Over 2,500 years ago, the Lord Buddha left us this unmistakable truth:
“All that we are is the result of what we have thought.
If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him.
If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought,
happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him. ”
These are the simple tips to cultivate happiness – a happiness that doesn’t depend on external circumstances.
Be Happy Where you Are.
We often talk about the importance of being in the ‘here and now’. But, what do we actually mean by this? The nature of our mind is that it is often planning for happiness in the future. If we get that degree, job, relationship, if we can only move to where reasonable people live e.t.c – then we will be happy. But, with this attitude of planning for future happiness, means it will always remain elusive – like chasing a shadow.
We need to be happy whereever we are. Even in the most difficult of situations there are opportunities to be a little more cheerful and a little less frustrated. Don’t allow small things to knock you off balance, as this frustration can spoil the rest of our day.
Be Happy with your work.
A problem is that we often associate happiness with pleasure, rest and lying on beach in some far off tropical paradise. Well, there’s nothing wrong with a tropical paradise. But, unless you happen to own an island in the Bahamas, your fate will place you in different circumstances. Work is necessary and no matter how repetitive or difficult it maybe, take pride in it. Be conscious of the ability to gain satisfaction from doing a good job and serving other people.
There are times when we can be happy from a mundane activity such as washing dishes. It is such a simple task, but if we can do it cheerfully, (without complaining that someone else should have been doing it), then we will really be able to cultivate real happiness.
Part of the problem is just being aware that we can be happy even in mundane situations. Focusing entirely on the job at hand, can help us to forget the inevitable ruminations of the mind.
Society places a subtle pressure to compare ourselves with other people. When we compare we will never be satisfied. There will always be someone better off than us; there will always be someone who seems more successful. As soon as we start comparing, jealousy and frustration inevitably follow. Avoid comparing with others. Instead, learn the art of self confidence and self-respect.
Do not compare
If you want to be happy.
Do not blame
If you want to be happy.
- Sri Chinmoy
If you find yourself subject to jealousy, the best way to overcome it is by sincerely appreciating the good qualities / achievements of others. Appreciating the good qualities of others is the best way to learn them yourself
Smiling in the Face of Adversity
Life has a habit of putting is together with difficult people. Is there anyone who has the pleasure of just living with saints? – of course not … If you find your happiness challenged by other people, escaping from them will merely switch one problem for another. Keep smiling, and silently offer your good will. Don’t spend your time analysing and criticising their faults. Let the negative qualities have no impact on you.
The Heart – Mind and Meditation
As the first quote by Lord Buddha suggests, it is our thought and state of mind that determines our inner life. If we are subject to a negative train of thoughts, we will slowly but steadily become miserable. The art of happiness is to lessen the impact of our negative mind. It is not about just repeating positive mantras by rote; We are trying to bring the heart to the fore. This is just simply the more divine, peaceful part of our nature. There are times when our heart comes to the fore even without trying – this could be in the beauty of nature, listening to sublime music – But, at times we need to make the effort.
Try these simple exercises:
The great paradox is that by being aware of our state of mind, we can learn to be happy without reason – or at least happiness for no external reason.
True happiness
Is not a mental hallucination.
True happiness
Is not a complacent feeling.
True happiness
Is the spontaneous feeling of joy
That comes from knowing
You are doing the right thing
And leading a divine life.
- Sri Chinmoy
Related
photo by Tejvan
March 4th, 2010 — | Posted by tejvan | life -
It’s hard to feel self-pity with a view like this
We have all had the experience of being told ‘stop feeling sorry for yourself’. It is also something we occasionally say (or at least want to say) to those around us.
Feeling sorry for yourself is a poor state to be in, but, yet human nature means we can often end up wallowing in self-pity.
Why We Feel Sorry For Ourself.
If we can understand why we feel sorry for ourselves then we can work out whether it is justified or helpful.
Injured Pride.
The oft repeated saying ‘pride comes before a fall’ is quite apt. When are pride is hurt, when we feel embarrassed, when we are jealous we can sink into self pity. If we placed less value on our pride and self image, we would be less effected.
Hope for Sympathy / Feeling of guilt.
A large part of feeling sorry for ourselves, is that consciously or unconsciously we are looking for sympathy. Perhaps something unfortunate has happened. By exacerbating our sorrow and misery we feel we will attract more sympathy, love and concern from others. Often we are not really consciously aware that this is our motivation.
Related to the desire for sympathy, is the desire to make others feel guilty. Perhaps someone has caused us problems. We can feel that by displaying our unhappiness, we will make the other party feel suitably guilty, and somehow this will make them do the right thing next time.
If we can honestly analyse our motivation, it can be something of a revelation. Often we fall into a rut of self-pity without really understanding our own inner motivations. But, if these are our motivations for self-pity then we feel it is worth overcoming them.
Self-pity does not
Console one’s mind.
Self-pity cannot
Strengthen one’s heart.
Self-pity only makes one
A real stranger to oneself.
by Sri Chinmoy (1)
How To Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself.
Forget all about it.
When you’re in a rut. You can’t beat just completely forgetting about it or throwing yourself into something else. If we just sit and brood we will never fight the negative cycles of our mind – because it is the nature of the mind to hang onto negativity. But, when we don’t give the mind time to brood, we can easily shrug off the worthless feelings of self-pity.
It’s Not Going to Help
Self pity is often a call for help – a hope for greater love and attention. And we may get it – at least temporarily. But, we have to bear in mind that when we are wallowing in self-pity, many will not want to spend time with us. There is a difference between genuine difficulties and self-made imaginery suffering. False friends will disappear at the first sign of trouble. But, even true friends will get burnt out if we exploit their compassion with persistent self-pity
Feeling Sorry for yourself will not make others change for the better. Our mind may feel that if we make others feel guilty, they will do the right thing. But, human nature rarely works like this. If we try to make others feel guilty we won’t make them do the right thing. In fact, they will just resent us more. To create positive change in others, we ourselves have to be positive ourselves. We need to approach people with positive suggestions for improvements, not with a delicate sense of passive aggressiveness.
Be Happy Not Proud
Feeling sorry for ourselves only makes us unhappy. We have to make a conscious effort to choose happiness. If we forget about the past and live in the present moment, how can we carry around our unfortunate experiences?
Related
References
(1) Excerpt from Twenty-Seven Thousand Aspiration-Plants, Part 203 (poems on self-pity)
Photo Menaka Ait-Ouyahia, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries
February 25th, 2010 — | Posted by tejvan | life -
How poor are they that have not patience!
What wound did ever heal but by degrees?
~William Shakespeare, Othello, 1604
Our previous post was the – long slow transformation of human nature, so I guess a topic on patience is the ideal follow up.
Patience is not exactly the most exciting quality to aspire for. In modern society, patience doesn’t fit well with the hectic pace of life where we become accustomed to quick fixes and on demand entertainment. A society that lives on 2 minute pot noodles and instant text messaging is going to struggle with any ideas of patience. But, for real progress and peace of mind, patience is an indispensable quality. Through patience we can also develop peace of mind and tolerance of others.
Patience With Ourselves
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
~ Chinese Proverb
There is a fine balance between self-indulgence and self-criticism. We need to have patience with ourselves, whilst seeking to become a better person. Some things we cannot expect overnight; we have to do our part which is striving for higher ideals, but, the time when we gain self-mastery is another matter. If we start beating ourselves up for failing to reach imaginary targets, then we only make it even more difficult. If we can maintain a cheerful attitude, without expectation of a certain result then we will make more progress.
The Journey and the Goal.
There is a danger society and our life becomes very results oriented. Success or failure is measured through certain definable goals. With this attitude, achieving the goal becomes all important, everything else is seen as a failure. Patience teaches us that the achievement of the goal is only a partial aspect of life. Patience teaches us to enjoy the journey as much as the results. Thus, we can gain satisfaction from the preparation as much as the goal.
Patience With Others
Patience with others can be either very easy or very difficult. It is very difficult to be patient with others if we expect them to behave in a certain way and meet our self-imposed standards. If we accept we are not responsible for others inner progress then patience becomes much easier. (see: getting on with difficult people)
Patience Can Forget The Past
“There is nothing on earth that can undo the past but patience. If we have patience we can easily undo the past. The past is a morning mist, a meaningless experience in comparison to our future realisation.”
- Sri Chinmoy [1]
We always do things we regret, but, through patience we can easily let the past slip away. Time is a great healer and we just need to be patient.
Cheerful Patience and Reluctant Patience
There is a big difference between a forced patience where we reluctantly wait for something, and a cheerful patience. Sometimes we tolerate a situation because we feel there is no alternative. Or we might think we are being patient, but, inwardly we feel aggrieved to be waiting for so long. A cheerful patience is very different. Here we are not getting annoyed with ourselves or other people. It is this cheerful patience that is the most rewarding
How To Be More Patient
“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience. ”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
- If we struggle to be patient with others. Try putting yourself in their shoes. Feel that if you were in their situation, you would have the same challenges and difficulties. Even if you could do something better than others, try to develop sympathy and oneness with their situation.
- Don’t get Joy just from Achieving Targets. The preparation is as important as the end result.
- Don’t put Excess pressure on Yourself. Patience which is calm and measured helps us to achieve anything quicker. If we don’t have patience and get frustrated we only become ineffective.
- Patience Works!
“If I have ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been owing more to patient attention, than to any other talent.”
Isaac Newton (1642 – 1727)
Picture Top: Antara Plabhat, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries.
