Here are some practical suggestions for dealing with anger.
1. When you are angry say nothing.
If we speak in anger we will definitely aggravate the situation and quite likely hurt the feelings of others. If we speak in anger we will find that people respond in kind, creating a spiral of negative anger. If we can remain outwardly silent it gives time for the emotion of anger to leave us.
“When angry count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred. “
2. Be indifferent to those who seek to make us angry.
Some people may unfortunately take a malicious pleasure in trying to make you mad. However, if we can feel indifferent to them and their words; if we feel it is beyond our dignity to even acknowledge them, then their words and actions will have no effect. Also, if we do not respond in any way to their provocation, they will lose interest and not bother us in the future.
3. Use reason to stop anger.
When we feel anger coming to the fore try to take a step back and say to yourself “This anger will not help me in any way. This anger will make the situation worse.” Even if part of us remains angry our inner voice is helping us to distance our self from the emotion of anger.
4. Look kindly upon Others.
Another visualisation, suggested by spiritual teacher Paramhansa Yogananda, is to see the anger-rousing agent as a 5 year old child. If you think of the other person as a helpless 5 year old child your compassion and forgiveness will come to the fore. If your baby brother accidentally stabbed you, you would not feel anger and desire to retaliate. Instead, you would just feel he is just too young to know any better. This exercise may be particularly useful for close members of the family who at times evoke your anger.
5. Value Peace more than anger.
If we value peace of mind as our most important treasure we will not allow anger to remain in our system. As Sri Chinmoy says:
“You may have every right to be angry with someone, but you know that by getting angry with him you will only lose your precious peace of mind..”
6. Always try to understand those who are cross.
Don’t worry about feeling the need to defend yourself from their criticisms. If you can remain detached and calm they may begin to feel guilty about venting their anger on you. Inspired by your example of calmness, they will seek subconsciously to do the same.
7. Focus on Something Completely Different.
Suppose someone has done something to make you angry. Think about something which will make you happy. The best antidote to negativity is to focus on the positive.
8. Breathe Deeply.
The simple act of breathing deeply will help considerably with removing anger.
9. Meditation.
Practise meditation regularly to bring your inner peace to the fore. If we can have an inner access to our inner peace we will be able to draw upon this during testing times. – How to Meditate
10. Smile
When we smile we defuse many negative situations. To smile is offer goodwill to others. Smiling costs nothing but can effectively defuse tense situations.
Common Sense
If you leave your unlocked bike in the centre of town, it is likely to get stolen. This can be frustrating and is likely to give rise to feelings of anger. Of course, we should minimise this kind of situation – simply remember to lock your bike. If we feel there is an injustice in our workplace, we should work to resolve it; this will make our work environment more peaceful and less prone to creating anger. If we have a partner who is abusive, the solution is not just dealing with our own anger, but finding a more peaceful living situation.
When we try to transcend anger, it doesn’t mean we have to acquiesce to injustice and unfairness. We should strive to make the world a better place. However, whatever our goals, it is always best to act with poise and a clear mind. Acting under the influence of anger makes it more difficult to attain what we wish to achieve.
Finally as a teacher, I occasionally feign anger to make students pay attention; sometimes, you need to show a stern face. However, as a teacher you can’t afford to allow yourself to be over-run with the emotion of anger because then you may over-react and create problems.
See also:
Photo credit: Ranjit Swanson, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries
i wll try all these things .I wish these steps will work.because when i am angry i tore any thing near me or break any thing.I amtired of my this behaviour.
when i a angery its like i change into a totaly difernt person and even the slightest thing will set me off . and when its triggerd theres no going back from it either. i cant remember when i hit some one or get into a fight. after a sertian time i will stop hitting them and walk away not knowing what i did and go on as usual . i have done every thing to calm my self down using these ways but none of them work. i dont dancing, gym , cheer , nd work outs and go for runs but it dont help the situation either. there is only one person who can make me snap out of it.
i hope these work as when i get angry i take it out on other people near me and it always leads to fighting which cames me down but NOT the right thing to do !!!!!
I do not angry at work or at freinds, i only get angry at home. My anger is short lived and goes off in a few minutes and realise that i could have a handled the situation in a better way. I feel bad about me and go from one extreme to other and go an apologise and feel bad about myself. I think this is because of the expectations and not fulfilling the expectations. I also think i am a little egoistic at home rather being accomodative, which i should be. My partner is also my way but never accepts and blames it on me and that makes me more angrier. I hope the above techniques will help me calm down. I know i can control it and i just needs some techniques and practise them meticulosly. Thanks
these look like perfectly good solutions that i hope i will get around to trying. but i do have anger problems where sometimes i find myself being abusive to friends and family members and sometime i will hit basicly anything i can find usualy a wall or walldrobe. the things i do aren’t random either, most of this behavior is related to playing to many call of duty type games. i really wouldn’t buying an xbox/ps3 if like me you dont have much controll over your temper
anger has rendered me jobless. Nothing comes back once you act under the influence of anger and arrogance.
Whatever happened in kirsch life the same thing happing in my life… i only get angry at home, Because of his sister and mother my partner never believes me, blames it on me and that makes me angrier. i hope these techniques will help me…
I was very angry when I read these tips. I found them very helpful. Thank you.
well i am a 14 year old that gets angry and fustraded to where people are scared of me and i hate it and i have been doing these steps and they really work it is winter break and when i go back to school tuesday my friends will see a new me so excited!!!!!!!
thank u very much it was very helpful
hi,
these tips are really useful..although I handle situations n my temper calmly but at times as a human nature i get angry…i am sure these tips will help me overcome my anger….
Thank you very much for this notes. They are short and sweet.
Thank you for reminding me of this important techniques which we tent to forget from time to time.
Thank you
i will try these i act nice out of home but when am home am always mad and make problems with sister and mother i lost my father 6 month ago and i feel am the reason of his death ..we are all angry in the house everybody shout on the other its all because of me .. but i really have a good heart when i do something while am mad i regret and fastly go and say sorry but am sick of being angry please any help thanks i will print this page to keep it in my office and house
Wow..I love this site!
thanks for the tips it helps me and probably will help me more
I often get angry when my i asked someone in a nice way but replied with “I did’nt know that or I don’t know”. then my anger gets in every direction like i shouted and slammed everything near me, even if that person apologize. I’d still or my mind always find a way to create a new issue that will brought another issue for us to debate or fight. I want to remove this anger issue. give me some advice.
Thanks,
Jef
In some situations on certain social hubs, there is intense negativity. I used to become deeply involved in those situations, as sort of a peacekeeper. I didn’t want my friends tearing at each other about small issues. But after awhile, I began to become moody myself, and even snappy at people who, in my eyes at the time, refused to see common sense. I find this page to be a wonderful guide! It’s opened my eyes to solutions that I haven’t thought about before. Thanks a Bunch! =)
Thanks for the tips specially tip number two I’m usually getting mad because people usually try to make me angry I’m very easy to get angry but the worst part about my anger is if I am angry I take it out on everyone I hit I scream and use very offensive words and I usually end up regreting it
I have a problem with anger, it’s not a normal problem as I have trouble releasing my anger. Normally I keep everything under the covers, anything the annoys me I brush under the rug and dont give it a second thought. But lately all the anger and fustration has built up inside me and i cant release it. It has gotten to a stage where the anger and fustration has strucken me with aloplecia, i have lost ALL of my hair because of this problem. I was at college but my anger and fustration turned to stress and I failed my exams, because of it, i have now lost all my motivation and aspirations in life. This problem has ruined my life so be glad that you can release your anger rather than holding it in, I am verging depression which is making it even harder to release my anger and fustration. Count your blessings, because I have none. I am 17.
when i get mad its usually because of me and my partners relationship. we are always fighting about the same things constantly and i tend to curse alot more than he does. hes told me plenty of times that he doesnt like it but i get so madd that these bad words always come out. the thing is this, i dont like certain things that he does and he doesnt like certain things i do. we come to a conclusion that neither of us is gonna do those things. most of the time i do these things out of anger. i’ll try this strategy. everytime my significant other tells me it bothers him, i feel terrible because i know im the reason hes started to be the way he is now his anger is out of control because hes gotten so fed up with my outbursts instead speak civil (which half the time i try really hard in a tough situation, i can pat myself on the back for that one!!! i try so hard to be nice but im always noticing the bad things, is it me or is it really him? iddk. i hope this works. thanks. Avery..