Entries Tagged 'simplicity' ↓

Last week I wrote about gratitude, sharing my experience of how contrary to its associations with meekness, it can in fact be a form of unexpected power. Humility, if anything, is a quality that has even more of those mild saintly associations, leading us to think of doormats who turn the other cheek no matter what who is trampling all over them. And yet (surprise, surprise) nothing could be further than the truth, and here’s why….

First of all we need exactly to define what humility is. Because our ego often gives rise to excessive overpromotion, we feel that humility therefore involves the opposite extreme - publicly castigating ourselves and laying on excessive lashings of forced modesty. Yet the underlying feeling behind this kind of behaviour is insecurity and a desire to have others think better of us, and as such is just as much a manifestation of ego as excessive aggrandisement.

Humility is, quite simply, what happens when we go beyond the ego - a sincere and genuine self-appraisal, taking into account the entire being, all the faults and good points alike. As meditation teacher Sri Chinmoy points out “When you take a back seat consciously and deliberately in order to show others how humble you are, you are not being humble at all. True humility is something different; it is the feeling of oneness. Humility means giving joy to others. When we allow others to get joy, we feel our joy is more complete, more perfect, more divine.”

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“It is impossible not to notice that, in some of the poorest parts of the world, most people, most of the time, appear to be happier than we are. In southern Ethiopia, for example, the poorest half of the poorest nation on earth, the streets and fields crackle with laughter. In homes constructed from packing cases and palm leaves, people engage more freely, smile more often, express more affection than we do behind our double glazing, surrounded by remote controls. This is not to suggest that poverty causes happiness…but while poverty does not cause happiness, there appears to be some evidence that wealth causes misery. Since 1950, 25-year-olds in Britain have become 10 times more likely to be affected by depression. And it is surely fair to say that most of us suffer from subclinical neuroses, anxiety or a profound discomfort with ourselves.”

George Monbiot, The Guardian, 27 August 2002

Since childhood, we are subtly yet continuously guided to look to the outside world and the material benefits it offers for contentment and happiness, such that for many of us, it is the only real way we know. Yet as we become repeatedly disappointed by outer events, we begin to lose faith in the possibility of there being any happiness at all. Instead of looking to outer events for inner happiness (living from the outside in), let us consider instead what happens when we instead look inwardly for happiness and then bring what receive from there to the outer world - living from the inside out. To those who have been embittered against the possibilities of happiness, the life changing effects this simple change in philosophy can bring may sound too good to be true, and yet millions of people from all over the world can attest to a happiness that comes not from chasing after the material things of the world, but from being grounded in the joy and inner peace of their own being.

A sense of purpose

When we start the day by going deep within through some practice of meditation (or prayer for those who are religiously inclined), slowly we begin to get in touch with the deepest parts of our being, and feel a connection to something vast and infinite, a greater sense of purpose than our own narrow desires and wants. In this space, - who you are, and what you are supposed to be doing with the short span of life you have on earth.

The funny thing is, each of us instinctively know this, and deep within we are always meaning to stop and catch some space to find out what we want - we always tell ourselves we will do it when we finish whatever it is we are caught up in at the moment! The Tibetan Buddhist teacher Sogyal Rinpoche called this ‘Western laziness’ - “cramming our lives with compulsive activity, so that there is no time at all to confront the real issues.” The outside world is often guilty of driving this behavour along, as if it knows that if we ever slowed down, the whole thing would just fall apart. Continue reading →

A man was going to visit his father-in-law’s to see his wife. Before going to the station, he tried to tidy up many loose ends such as pay outstanding bills cutting the grass and taking back some faulty goods. By the time he had finished his tasks, he was getting very late, so he started to frenetically wave down a taxi. After a few minutes a taxi arrived, and wanting to avoid missing the train, the man offered a $10 tip to the taxi driver if he would drive extra fast. With the taxi speeding as fast as it could through the crowded streets, he got to the train station just a few minutes before the train was due. He ran to the ticket counter and shouted.

“A ticket to my father in laws”

“But, where is the place you are going to?

“O my father in law’s place, Please! Please! Quick!”

“Just tell me the name at once”

“I am telling you, my father in law’s place. For God’s sake, quick! the train is about to start!”

And the train started, leaving the man behind.

It may seem an obvious mistake to make, but maybe something like this could be happening to us all. Continue reading →

Maintaining good relationships with other people is something everyone struggles with. The nature of the human mind is that there seem innumerable factors that make it difficult to get on with other people. If you find yourself with many problematic relationships don’t despair, but, try to work through difficulties and learn the art of developing genuine friendships. These are some of the simplest ways to improve relationship with other people.

Smile

When we smile we are effectively offering good will to the other person. A sincere smile can say more than 100 words. When we smile we are effectively saying that we are happy to see the other person; this is the best way to start any conversation. If we give a miserable face then we are outwardly indicating that we are unhappy to be speaking with this person. We convey alot through our body signals; within a moment the expression on someone’s face can put is in a good mood or bad mood. When we cultivate a positive first impression then any problem will be easier to solve. We can smile at everyone, not just people who we like. If we can smile, even at our ‘enemies’ then we may be surprised at how much our interactions are improved.

Appreciate Their Good Qualities

This is a powerful way to help any relationship. In life we tend to get drawn to the negative. When we appreciate the good qualities of other people, we do two things. Firstly, we will make the other person feel better; it will encourage and inspire them to bring more good qualities to the fore. Through offering sincere appreciation we boost their self confidence and they will appreciate our kind words. The other benefit of appreciating others good qualities is that it helps us. It is usually people’s mistakes and wrong-doings that stick in the mind. When we take the effort to appreciate other’s good qualities we build up a more positive impression of our friend; it enables us to be more tolerant of their irritating habits.

Don’t Bear Grudges

This is one of the most important and perhaps difficult factors. At some point in a relationship something invariably happens which makes it difficult to forget and forgive their misdemeanors. This is one factor that can escalate and dominate a relationship so much that it sours. To let go of grudges is essential for maintaining healthy relationships. If we attach ourselves to a long standing grievance we will just make ourselves miserable.
Talk

When problems occur or we have issues with other people, it is important to talk in a positive way. Sometimes we don’t even need to talk about the problem, but just converse on a topic that helps rebuild trust. If we maintain a frosty silence, then we just brood on the problem and it tends to magnify the issue; the mind can easily blow it out of proportion. When we talk we regain contact with reality; we see that we have more in common than the problem which now seems less significant. The important thing is to avoid bringing up the issue in a confrontational way. It is better just to develop a normal conversation and find issues of shared interest. Sometimes if we can just share a humorous antidote or enjoy something together, the problem just dissipates of its own accord.

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Is your workplace is surrounded by useless stuff and clutter that you find difficult to get rid of? If you have been planning to unclutter your room, these are some tips to make sure you can actually do it.

1. Do I need it? Is it Beautiful?

Do you really need the item? Is the item of intrinsic beauty? Even by just asking these questions we can help to decide whether we really need it. The problem is that often we accumulate things, without questioning whether we really need them. Go through each item, if you cannot justify its use then get rid without any qualms.

2. Start with Nothing and add only what you need.

Another very effective way to remove unnecessary clutter is to start from scratch. Rather than looking at things to throw away, imagine the room was completely bare, and then only add what you really need. This is a great way to decide whether a thing is of practical importance or just there out of habit.

3. Beauty in Simplicity

To get rid of clutter you should try and keep in your mind a vision of a better alternative. If you have something to aspire for, it will become much easier to throw things away. If you really value the beauty of simplicity then it will be effortless to make this a reality. Look at catalogues of dream houses, in these “show piece settings” you won’t see piles of old newspapers, unwashed coffee cups and piles of dirty laundry.

4. Don’t be Overly Sentimental.

Do you really need to keep your school notes from Grade 5? - It’s not as if you were any good at Maths anyway. Unless you are likely to reread elementary geometry in the next 12 months, you can probably chuck out these painful memories of old school days. This doesn’t mean you have to throw everything away. Do keep things of great sentimental value, but don’t feel guilty about not keeping everything.

5. Choose top 10 Items

If you have difficulty throwing ornamental things away, why not try making a list of just your favourite top 7 or top 3 items? This forces you to be ruthless and only keep the things that you really want.

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