One of the biggest problems we have is the tendency for our mind to think in an irrational / unbalanced way. We see issues and other people through a clouded and fuzzy perspective. This judgement leads us to many problems, not least it makes life more stressful and depressing.

These are some of the common perspectives on life which are misleading.

Jumping to Conclusions

Often we jump to conclusions on a small fraction of evidence. Perhaps someone does not reply to our message at a particular point in time, we then project our own thoughts as to why this is. The mind creates a powerful scenario which we come to believe. Yet, our mental projections are often far from reality. To make things worse we often jump to conclusions in a negative way. The mind is suspicious of others’ intentions and we definitely create problems for ourselves by doubting our friends and relatives. We have to be very wary of jumping to conclusions; at the very least we should remind ourself our conclusion is likely to be wrong.

It may be unfortunate to be mistreated by others, but, it is much worse to have a suspicious mind

Black and White Thinking

We often come to see the world in black and white terms – either we are a total success or failure. Other people are either friends or enemies. The problem is that one small mistake can make us feel a total failure. For example, we say one wrong thing so then assume we have messed up a relationship with someone. On the other hand a small success can bloat us with pride. Life is never so clear cut; we have to avoid both the depths of despair and heights of vainglory. Rather than seeing ourselves as a total failure just see mistakes as stepping stones on the path to self-development.

Blaming other People for own Faults.

Often we sit in judgement on other people, but, if we were honest we would realise many of their faults we too share. We are not judging out of compassion but out of a sense of self-importance. The worst thing is when we do something wrong but seek to pass the blame onto other people – If  only other people had done the right thing we would been fine. This is just our clever mind justify its wrong actions. But, with this attitude we will just continue doing the wrong thing and create more problems. We have to be honest with ourselves.

Over Dramatisation

Part of us likes drama and intrigue. We get a subtle pleasure from the soap opera of life. But, there is a danger in over dramatising situations where it is not necessary; we can feed negative situations and make small conflicts escalate beyond all proportion. We stake too much on an insignificant issues, often putting others on the spot to make decisions one way or the other.
Don’t take everything to heart – small issues will soon blow over – if we allow it.

Emotional thinking.

Emotions are fleeting. Anger comes and goes. Fear comes and goes. Our emotional state is unreliable guide to the truth of an issue. Many times we are relieved we don’t act out of impulsive anger. To really understand a situation, we have to see it without the cloud of emotion. Take time to see beyond a misleading emotion.

These ways of looking at life all share a common theme – it is easy to gain an unbalanced look at life. When we look at problems through a certain filter it is inevitable that we create problems and have poor perception.

To deal with this problem we need to avoid jumping to conclusions and be wary of our initial judgements. Before acting we need to test our state of mind

• Are we judging with our critical mind or our compassionate heart?
• How would we want over people to behave / think in our situation?
• If we spoke out aloud our thoughts would we be embarrassed about what we are saying?
• Have we taken a second opinion from other people we trust?
• Why are we being determined to see the negative side of life?

Related

• Positive thinking – its benefits and limitations
• Avoiding misunderstanding

We’ve all heard it before from well-meaning people – that focusing on our own self-improvement is an intrinsically selfish act. That it ignores all the people out there less fortunate than ourselves we should be helping. That it is basically an exercise in narcissism.

Let me say it right from the start – there is absolutely not even a grain of truth in this. And here are three very powerful reasons why:

Reason 1: You have to have it in order to give it

If we do not have inner awareness, or reached a state of inner contentment, then the so-called help we offer to the world will be driven by our need for self-approval and self-validation. We become more concerned about gaining approval for what we have done than about the people we are helping. We may have the outer resources necessary to help others, but we do not have the inner resources to do the job wisely, and with the proper amount of concern and detachement.

The journey of self-improvement gives you those inner resources. It brings to the fore new talents and capacities you never knew you had, and these capacities give you a greater sense of self-confidence as you go out into the world.

Reason 2: When you discover yourself, you discover the world

Our mind works by dividing and classifying whatever it looks at. Unfortunately we apply this to our fellow human beings too, creating walls and pushing them away from us so that it is very hard to feel a connection with others outside of a small group of people.

However, in the process of self-improvement, you have experiences which take you beyond the mind and towards the very core of your being. You begin to be aware of something very interesting – the deep and profound connection between you and every one of your fellow human beings. When you are more self-aware, you ‘feel’ the human condition more. You have much greater empathy for the struggles that everyone goes through on this earth.You feel a tremendous sense of goodwill towards even total strangers – the guy walking down the street, the girl at the checkout; all of us are going through life, trying to be happy as best we can. The process of self-discovery puts you more in touch with the world than ever before.

Reason 3: Self discovery gives you your life purpose – and that makes the world a better place

Perhaps the most important point in this whole article is this – our purpose in life always has something to do with making the world a better place. This can manifest itself in an infinite number of ways – creative people help to expand the realm of our possibilities, athletes inspire us all to go one step further through their dedication, whereas some people are at their happiest when giving their time and energy to serving others with out any expectation of something in return.

Each one of us has an absolutely unique purpose – something which they can offer to the world in a way that no-one else can. Some of us are lucky and are practically born knowing what they want to do – the rest of us just have to go deep within and bring that inner purpose to the fore.

The more we are centred and in touch with the core of our being, we can feel an inspiration coming from within which points out the path we should take. We have all had these moments of deep inner feeling that we should do a certain thing before; they carry with them a great sense of certainty and inner happiness which mere mental prevarication cannot provide. Over time we learn to trust this inner intuition more, and listen to it as it guides us along the path of our inner purpose.

So, far from being selfish, the process of self-discovery can reveal how you can best serve the world, and be truly happy at the same time.

Photo: Sri Chinmoy Centre Gallery

Sometimes we get a subtle kind of thrill by indulging in jealous thoughts of other people, thinking that what goes on in the confines of our minds can’t really harm anyone. But for people who are consciously trying to better themselves and grow into their highest potential, indulging in jealousy can infact be a significant stumbling block to inner progress.

Why is that? Well, when we harbour jealous thoughts, we inhabit a mental space that consists solely of the person we are jealous of. In doing so we limit our possiblilities and our view of the world shrinks; we begin blaming other people for our current state rather than doing something about it ourselves.

Jealousy also brings us further away from true awareness of the world, as it invariably always exaggerates the person’s bad qualities, and these exaggerations then become our reality. It acts as a kind of a filter where we often see only the bad things about the person, and not the person as a whole.

And oft, my jealousy shapes faults that are not.
-William Shakespeare

Jealousy is also very hard to get rid of, primarily because we indulge in it and do not make any effort to root it out. It is usually only after we have had a few tough experiences where friendships have been damaged or some other calamity has occured, that we decide to do anything about it.

The jealous are troublesome to others, But a torment to themselves.
-William Penn

It is also quite a secretive weakness. Outwardly we may be very friendly towards that person because we do not want to percieved as petty and vindictive, whereas inwardly we are thinking the most horrible things. However, rest assured that things always come to a head if left unchecked….

Yet he was jealous, though he did not show it,
For jealousy dislikes the world to know it.
- Lord Byron

Kicking the jealousy habit

• Think only about our own progress. If we waste time cherishing negative feelings towards someone, we are effectively giving that person a dominant role over our life. Our lifespan is so short here on earth, and there is so much to do in order to fulfill our life’s purpose – we have to feel we simply do not have time to waste on things like jealousy!

• Work on reducing your insecurity. It is often said that hate is a disguised form of love – even so jealousy often comes out of a need to be held in high regard by the person in question. Last week, I wrote on the topic of self-acceptance; if you can truly be happy in yourself without the need for approval by others, then fulminating on how others are better than you will occupy much less space in your life.

• Play a trick on your mind. If you cannot raise yourself to the lofty methods mentioned in the other points, then you can try a more human way of solving the problem. As jealousy often stems from a feeling of inferiority, you can instead say to yourself “I can sing/write/(other) better than him/her, but I do not want to waste my time” This is a clever way of rising above feelings of inferiority. However, making yourself feel superior to the person is hardly a permanent solution to the problem, but it can be used as a stepping stone to trying the other methods.

• Feel your oneness. Jealousy comes from a feeling of separation – the mind tends to build barriers between ourselves and others, whereas when we go beyond the mind and use our hearts of goodwill, we see that we are in fact all interconnnected, all part of one giant world family. In an ordinary family, when a sibling achieves something, we are just as thrilled as if we had done it ourselves. Similarly, if you feel that someone else who has achieved something great is part of your larger world family, then you can feel the same joy as if you had done the thing.  My meditation teacher Sri Chinmoy once gave this very illumining answer: “When one part of my body does something, the other part does not feel miserable, because each knows that it belongs to the same body, and that the entire body is its reality. When I work with my mind, my feet do not feel miserable, because they have established their oneness with my mind….Unless and until we have realised others as our very own, we call them different personalities, different individualities. But if we can see and feel them inside ourselves as members of our own larger family, jealousy will disappear from our life of aspiration.”

Photo of the ‘green eyed monster’ : Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries

Often we feel that by constantly being aware of our weaknesses and analyzing them to death, we are making progress towards eliminating them. Yet very often the exact opposite is true: by focusing on our weaknesses, we often end up only perpetuating the cycle of misery and self-loathing that these weaknesses inflict upon us, and we in fact increase their hold upon us.

It can be much more rewarding to instead work on cultivating the opposing positive quality as an antidote. This has a number of advantages over merely ruminating on your negative qualities. By invoking positive qualities and seeing the transforming effect they have on your life, you feel a new sense of empowerment and are inspired to continue. Also, we all like adding new things to our life, and each new positive quality we develop makes us feel a fuller, more rounded person. Most importantly, we deprive these negative qualities of the mental oxygen they need to fester inside us.

Here are a few negative qualities and the ‘antidote’ quality to them that you can cultivate; as you can see, it is by no means an exhaustive list and I am sure you can easily think of a few more….

Doubt and certainty

Self-doubt can be one of the most damaging of all our negative qualities, in that it scuppers our attempts at self transformation and often dooms us to failure before we even get out of the starting blocks. Often we are so burdened down with doubt and hesitation that we never make the first move at all. However if we can feel that inwardly we are destined to achieve our goal, then the distance between us and that goal shortens immeasurably. We may stumble time and time again, but the very fact that we are determined never to give up means that these qualities will one day surrender to our will power.

Lethargy and dynamism

This is one very obvious application of cultivating a positive quality. In fact the very word ‘dynamism’ has great power, and just by repeating it over and over again, you begin to feel like a human dynamo, filled with energy and constantly on the move. As you feel it you can try and identify where in your body the lethargy is coming from, and imagine that you are surcharging that area with tremendous energy and enthusiasm.

Jealousy and oneness

Jealousy comes because we feel a sense of ‘otherness’ – i.e. someone else has what we do not, someone else has achieved something and is getting all the credit. In this case, the best antidote is to remove this sense of otherness by instead feeling your oneness with that person. In a way, you can think of the world as a giant family. In a normal family, when someone does something great, the brothers and sisters feel just as proud and happy as if they had done it themselves. Similarly, you can feel the same sense of joy that someone in your global family has done something great – in fact when you really develop this sense of oneness, you can definitely feel the same joy as if you achieved that thing yourself.

Anger and peace

The effect that inner peace has on controlling your anger is something many people find out about naturally when they take up a practice of meditation. For example, I came to the practice of meditation not knowing exactly what to expect. Practically the first thing I found that the ‘trigger spots’ that used to make me see red somehow failed to have that effect anymore – the inner peace I had found from meditation had somehow seeped into my outer life and neutralised much of the temper I had. In fact one meditation exercise you can do is use breathing to cultivate peace; when you breath in, feel that peace is entering and spreading through your entire being, and when you breathe out, you can feel that all the stress, tension and anger is leaving your system for good.

(Photo: Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries Macedonia)

We often look at aspects of our lifestyle and say to ourselves “oh, I wish I could change that”, but the prospect of commiting to change for an indefinite period of time is something we often find quite intimidating! Instead, why not try and embark on a new course of action for a finite period of, say, a month? There is some scientific evidence to support the notion that after about three weeks of doing something, a habit begins to form and you find it much easier to do that thing. 30 days is also a long enough time for you to see the benefits of what you are doing, so that you will be encouraged to pursue it further.

Here are three suggestions – there are many other ideas that would suit a 30 day programme out there, which I may write about in a future blog entry….

A little writing project with a big difference

No, we’re not talking about an essay or a creative composition – we’re only talking about a couple of minutes in the morning where you write down three dreams you hope to fulfill. You might start with writing down some things you hope to get done within the day, but often a spontaneous idea will often come along, or a thing you’ve never done but always wanted to try – write them all down, even if they are impractical at the moment or cannot be fulfilled immediately. The very act of writing generates a spontaneous energy to go out and fulfill the dream; it might not be realised overnight, but at least on that day you have begun to take the first step.

For a month you can keep by your bedside a book with at least 30 pages, one for each day, and write as soon as you get up. Better still, you could get a big calendar with large boxes for each day, so you can see today’s intentions against the light of your previous intentions.

In addition, every day for a month you can write down seven things you currently have in your life that you are grateful for. We spend so much of our lives focusing on what is wrong with ourselves and the world; this exercise will help balance the scales by bringing your awareness to the good things in life that often go unnoticed. A friend of mine recently told me of an inspiring article she read in a magazine about a woman who had recently overcome a severe bout of clinical depression. Now having emerged the other side of that experience, she relates how one thing that really helped her was being grateful for absolutely everything, even the tiniest little things, like the wind brushing through her hair, or a beautiful flower that caught the corner of her eye. For me, this definitely changed my focus whilst doing this exercise – in addition to being grateful for the ‘big’ reasons like having a content life and an opportunity to discover myself, I could also find millions of small reasons to be grateful right around me.

Learning an instrument

We all have a particular instrument which we see being played and say to ourselves ‘I would really like to play that..’ Many people are put off by learning an instrument because they compare themselves with music professionals and feel they will never reach that level, so why bother? In many ways this attitude is reflective of a wider Western malaise; we feel we will be happy only after we have attained a certain goal, and we don’t believe in just getting joy out of the process of learning.

The only way to get out of this attitude is by taking the plunge. It is true that many instruments are very expensive to purchase, but many places will offer instruments for rent, which gives you an opportunity to really make a go of it for 30 days and see if it is the instrument for you. However it is important to take lessons from a professional; I didn’t when I was learning play the flute, and learned quite a few bad habits which are proving to be rather difficult to undo Set yourself a certain time in the day to practice for 15 minutes and stick to that time. You will find that you will have good days and bad days, but no matter what, there will be an enduring sense of satisfaction for just staying at it.

A mantric exercise to cleanse your thoughts

This is an exercise my meditation teacher Sri Chinmoy taught me, and it has helped me considerably over the years to silence my mind and brush those negative thoughts out of the system. It is imported to do this seated in a quite place where you wont be disturbed – the best time is early in the morning. We can use a mantra like the famous ‘Aum’, which has been used for thousands of years in the East and which is said to connect one with the universal consciousness, or we can use an English mantra like the word ‘Supreme’ which evokes the highest part of our being, the finest and noblest qualities of the human soul. However, instead of saying it slowly like it is normally recited, instead we try to repeat it quite fast. As we repeat it we can feel the sound of the mantra reverberating inside the heart. The other great thing about a mantra is that the mind is occupied with counting the number, so there are less thoughts.

The first day we start with 500 – if we do it quite quickly, this should take 10 minutes. The next day we move up to 600, the day after to 700 and so on until at the end of the week we are up to 1200. Then we go back down – 1100, 1000 and so forth – until we arrive at 500 again. Over the third week we again increase in steps of 100 to 1200, before going back down again to 500. This four week exercise never fails to fill me with extra energy and clarity of purpose.

Photo source: World Harmony Run gallery

Criticising others is a tricky business because people are rarely receptive to criticism. However, there are ways to point out mistakes to others which will make them more amenable to taking on board our suggestions. But, whilst it can be important to point out the mistakes of others, it is equally important that we avoid becoming a full time critic. If we spend all our energy on judging and criticising others we will just become a negative person and do nothing to effect real change.

Tips on Effective Criticism

1. Avoiding Unnecessary Criticism

We are apt to criticise unnecessarily. It is as if we are drawn to the faults of others and forget the good things they do. Criticism rarely helps a situation; when we criticise people they invariably feel miserable and when they are unhappy they are unlikely to lead better lives. If we can avoid criticising others we should. It is also important to avoid feeling responsible for the way others lead their lives; if you think a friend is too carefree with spending money, it is not necessary to keep criticising them for it. To a large extent, we have to give people the freedom to make their own choices in life. If we constantly criticise others it suggests that we want to direct their lives for them, something we should avoid doing.

Those who serve the world constantly
Do not have time
To criticise others,

While those who do not serve
Others selflessly
Have endless time
To criticise the whole world.

- Sri Chinmoy

2. Avoid Criticising inwardly

Quite often we spend a lot of time criticising others inwardly. We may not say it in words; but our thoughts are filled with criticisms of other people. When we think negatively about other people we do nothing to change that person; the only thing we achieve is to become negative ourselves. If we spend our mental energy in criticising other people we will not get any abiding feeling of satisfaction; we will certainly not become a better person ourselves. What happens when we criticise others is that the ego feels a sense of superiority. We criticise others to make ourselves feel better; but, this feeling of superiority only gives a pseudo happiness based on a sense of ‘being a better person’. True abiding happiness will come when we can feel a sense of oneness with others. When we identify with others we seek to focus on their good qualities and forget their mistakes.

• Be careful about criticising inwardly – would you be happy for your thoughts to be made public? Try concentrating on holding thoughts you would not be embarrassed to share outwardly.

3. Offer Encouragement

A clever way to criticise is to offer encouragement for good things that people have done. If you offer sincere encouragement and praise then people will be much more receptive to hearing criticisms and suggestions for improvements. This is not about offering false flattery; it is about having a balance between praise and criticism. If you only criticise and point out people’s faults, this is unbalanced and people will lose their self confidence. Everyone is a mixture of good qualities and bad qualities; encouraging their good qualities is the best way to diminish their mistakes and bad qualities.

4. Avoid Moralising

When people make a mistake and need correcting, we should not shy away from doing it. If people continue to make a mistake, it will cause endless problems. To make the criticism effective we need to make it in a detached and professional way – It is important to avoid a sense of moralising. For example, point out the mistake but don’t add unnecessary judgements about how bad they are to do it. The moralising will only make people defensive and less willing to act on your suggestions.

5. Make Criticism non personal.

When we criticise others, the biggest problem is that people tend to take it personally. If we tell someone they have missed a few commas out of their writing, unfortunately some people take this as personal criticism of their self. There are a few ways to avoid this. Firstly, we can try and make the criticism general and avoid focusing on one person. Another useful strategy is to make it clear this is the kind of mistake that we may have made. If we point out a mistake and say that I have often done that myself (even if we haven’t), it becomes much less problematic. We do not make the person feel bad because we show that we have also made that mistake.

Photo by Sharani, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries

Self improvement is a continuous struggle to better ourselves; it the aspiration to transcend our weaknesses and limitations. There is no quick fix for our self development; it requires perseverance, patience and a constant aspiration to lead a better life. These are some of the factors that will expedite our progress.

1. Don’t Just Talk

It is easy to spend several hours reading and talking about making changes to our life. But, all the books in the world won’t help unless we can make real changes to our life. Books can give us inspiration, but, for every book we read it can take many years to actually understand and implement the changes in our lives. Similarly it is good to talk and articulate what we should do, but the real test is whether we can practise what we preach.

2. Discipline / regularity

Self improvement is not something that can do once a week when we feel like it. Self improvement requires a certain discipline and regularity. For many discipline brings to mind negative connotations of doing something we don’t really want to. However, the discipline here is really the motivation to continue doing the right thing. If something is good to do, there is no need to just do it occasionally. After a while our discipline to create good habits, no longer feels like discipline; we want to do it simply because this is what we enjoy doing. Our bad habits no longer seem attractive.

3. Think of others

Self improvement doesn’t mean we focus excessively on ourselves. It is a paradox of self improvement that real progress comes when we give less importance to our ego and give more consideration to others. When we think of others a little more and ourselves a little less, we will definitely make progress in becoming a better person.

4. Vision / Goals / Progress

The first requirement of self development is that we must have an aim for something better. Even if our goals and dreams are very modest, it is vital to have something to aim for. How can we make any self improvement if we are content to remain as we are? Try writing down a very simple list of 5-7 items in which you would like to improve and give them a priority in your life.

5. Gain Inspiration from Others

Self improvement is not a lonely furrow. Seek the company of like minded people. There is great power in association, when we associate with people who have a little inner peace in their own lives it is easier to bring it to the fore in ours. What is important is the inspiration and encouragement we receive by associating with others.

6. Mind / Body / Spirit

There are many different aspects of our being which are intertwined together. We should pay attention to all these different aspects. If we want to improve our thoughts and avoid negative moods, we should try to keep the body healthy as well. Regular exercise can help improve our mood, often more effectively than much pondering over different belief systems. A clear mind will definitely be easier with a fit body.

7. The Power of Happiness.

In talking about self improvement it is important to avoid making it sound like an intellectual exercise. Real self development requires a more holistic approach than merely understanding and reading. We should try to bring to the fore the capacity of the heart which embodies simplicity and joy. When we are sincerely happy, we can easily make progress. If we are miserable and frustrated everything becomes difficult. We don’t make progress through being miserable; we need to overcome any negative mindset.

Related

• Benefits of Reducing Ego
• How To Transcend Our Limitations
• How To Reduce the Ego
• The Source of Happiness
  

Photo: Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries (Pavitrata)

“Wisdom ceases to be wisdom when it becomes too proud to weep, too grave to laugh, and too selfish to seek other than itself.”

- Khalil Gibran

Is it possible for man to be completely selfless? A cynic may say not. But, selfless actions and thoughts are not only possible, but give a real sense of satisfaction and abiding happiness.

What do we mean by real selflessness? Selflessness means we act without thought for how we will profit or be rewarded. If we give help to others, but expect recognition or the favour to be returned, this is not a selfless action. True selflessness means we would do the action, even if it was never know to anyone else. Selflessness means we identify with others. Our service to others is not an act of condescending charity in helping others, our action is motivated by a feeling of oneness. We help others because we identify with their problems and their suffering. Selflessness is its own reward.

Benefits of selflessness

Conquers Pride.

In a true selfless action we are not acting to feed our ego and receive the flattery of the world; we are not acting out of competition or desire to prove ourself to others. Selflessness means we act out of a motivation to do the right thing and help others. By definition, selflessness cannot involve inflating our ego, it does exactly the opposite.

Expands our Mind

When we act only out of selfish motives we bind and limit ourselves. Every action, we calculate how we might benefit; this attitude hinders the intuitive and spontaneous feelings of the heart. When we act through selfless motives we are helping to expand our sense of self and sense of identity. This enables us to get joy from the achievements of others; it enables us to get joy from serving others. This outlook on life is the best guard against jealousy, meanness and vanity.

Your mind’s selfishness
Is your all-exclusive individuality.
Your heart’s selflessness
Is your all-inclusive universality.

- Sri Chinmoy

True Friendship.

Friendship and love is not like a bartering service at an auction. If we wish to love in a selfless way it means we need to identify with others. This is very different love to the human love that demands and expects things in return. Real love and friendship must involve a forgetting of self and a willingness to put others first.

Selflessness is Attractive

It is ironical that when we work for praise and outer recognition it proves fleeting and elusive. But, if we are really selfless, our sympathetic actions will definitely be appreciated by others. True selflessness is a quality that we instinctively appreciate in others.

Related Posts

How To reduce the Ego

The Power of Simplicity

Photo by Unmesh Swanson Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries

Don’t Cherish Destructive Thoughts.

Often we don’t realise how much we subconsciously cherish negative thoughts. It may seem counter intuitive, but often a negative frame of mind occurs because we won’t let go of the negative thoughts and ideas. Sometimes the mind clings on to these thoughts with a feeling of self pity or injured pride. We don’t like the negative frame of mind, but at the same time are we consciously trying to overcome it? The problem is that if the negative thoughts go round and round in our mind they can become powerful and we lose a sense of perspective. Just make a conscious decision to ignore the negative flow of thoughts and sentiments and be persistent in these attempts.

Do You want to be Happy or Miserable?

We should feel a negative mindset is a choice. If we feel a victim to our own emotions and thoughts, nobody else will be able to help us. We should feel that by holding on to a negative frame of mind, we are inevitably choosing to be unhappy; each negative is a conscious decision to be miserable. If we really value the importance of our own inner peace and happiness, we will aspire to cultivate this through good, uplifting thoughts. Next time you feel the onset of a depressed state of mind, just ask yourself the question: Do I want to be happy or Miserable?

Spend Time With Positive People

The best antidote to negativity is simply to spend time doing positive, uplifting activities. Sometimes if we analyse and examine our own negativity it does nothing to reduce it. By engaging in useful fun activities, we forget about the reasons for our negativity; this is often the most powerful way to overcome a depressed state of mind.

Don’t Accept Negativity from Other People

We live in a world where there are no shortage of pessimists, critics and doomongers. There will always be people who can find the negative in life; but, there is no reason why we have to ascribe to their world view. For example, often in an office environment there is a negative attitude to the workplace, but, even if there are faults and limitations we don’t have to allow them to make us a negative person.

Let Go of Thoughts

If you can learn to control your thoughts, you can control the experience and emotions of life. The best antidote to negativity is learning the art of meditation. Meditation is more than just relaxation; it is a change in consciousness. We move from the limited perspective of our mind and discover an inner source of happiness.

Live in the Heart

The nature of the mind is to be suspicious and critical. If someone does 99 good things and 1 bad thing, the mind will invariably remember the bad thing. If we allow ourselves to be drawn into highlighting the mistakes of others we will invite a negative mindset. However, if we live in the heart we are not drawn to the faults of others (even if they are insignificant). It is in the heart that we can have a true sense of oneness with others, their faults seem insignificance and we can feel a sense of identity with the achievements of others.

Don’t Sit Around Doing Nothing

The worst thing for a negative frame of mind is to mope around feeling sorry for ourselves. Ruminating on our bad luck / worries / fears will not diminish them in any way. Exercise can be a powerful way to bring about a new consciousness. Negativity is often associated with boredom and lack of purpose. Stop endlessly checking emails and surfing web, look for something good to do.

Force Yourself to Think of 3 Positive Thoughts.

If you are feeling really miserable and have a low sense of self esteem, try thinking of 3 good things that you have done. At time our own mind can be our worst enemy and very self critical. It is important not to lose a sense of balance; for the various bad things we have done, we have also done some good things.

Don’t Think Anything You Wouldn’t Say in Front of People

We often think things we would never say in front of people. If you are annoyed, disappointed with someone else, imagine what you would say to them in person. Sometimes when we are with people we are forced to behave; even if we are not particularly sincere the effort to avoid negativity can help us to overcome our bad mood.

Related Posts

Seven Steps to Inner Peace

How To Be Kind To Yourself

10 Tips to avoid depression

Photo by Vidyutonnati, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries

Sometimes it is good to look at life from a different perspective and offer ourselves challenges. Challenges don’t have to be physical challenges of running a marathon or climbing a mountain. These questions test our inner attitude to life; it tests how much we hang onto our ego and how much we can be liberated from the confines of the mind. They are not necessarily easy to do, but, it is an interesting experience and offers a different perspective on life.

Could you get Joy from Your Enemies Achievement?

Think of a person that you dislike or someone who just irritates you. Suppose that they did something really great for the world, how would you feel? Would you be happy and proud they had at last done something good?  Or would you be unable to offer appreciation, feeling a mixture of jealousy and pride that you are still better than them. If we can appreciate people who have irritated us, it means we have a magnanimous heart. It means we can detach from insignificant problems and worries. Too often we allow certain things to permanently cloud our judgement and opinion of others.

Feel Grateful for Criticism

We like praise, we dislike criticism. This is an instinctive view of life. However, it is often very difficult to receive criticism in the right way. The problem is that when criticised we feel personally offended, even though the criticism is for maybe a small action. Maybe the criticism is unjustified, but, also maybe it spot on. Even if criticism is offered with unkind words, it can still contain very good advice which can help us improve. If we just took criticism as an opportunity to learn and grow, we could look upon criticism as beneficial as praise. In fact criticism maybe more useful than praise; we learn little from praise, but it does boost the ego.

Work Entirely without Recognition

Could we work really hard without any desire or need for recognition and appreciation? Quite often we might serve others, but, there is some condition attached to our service. In particular, we expect to have some kind of recognition and reward. Often we may do something with genuinely selfless motives; we act from the heart because we feel it is the right thing to do. However, at a later stage the mind comes to the fore demanding recognition or feeling slighted because we haven’t been praised to the skies. It is as if we have a split personality. Part of us is happy to be unnoticed; but, another part spoils everything by being distressed at a lack of recognition. To work entirely selflessly means we are working for a sincere cause and not for our human ego

Keep the Mind Perfectly Silent for 3 Minutes.

Man has conquered space, man has conquered Everest. But, how many people have conquered their own mind – which should, in theory, be the easiest thing to control? Try sitting quiet and still and then observe the thoughts going through your mind. Then try to stop all thoughts, try to think of  absolutely nothing – just concentrate on your breathing. If you can have an absolutely still mind for 3 minutes then you will make very good progress with meditation; it will be an invaluable tool for cultivating inner peace. (BTW falling asleep for 3 minutes does not count as meditation – although it is one way to quieten the mind.) However, you may also find it is really quite difficult to control your mind. But, this seems a paradox, if it is our mind and we can decide, why is it so difficult to calm and be at our command?

Spend a Day Without Criticising Anybody

The world has plenty of critics, there are countless justifications for complaining about x,y,z. But, could you spend a day without criticising your friends, family and work colleagues? Here, we should avoid criticising on an inner plane as well as with words. It is difficult to avoid gossiping about people, but to keep our thoughts clear of gossip is even more difficult.