To make spiritual progress, certain qualities are indispensable. It is not enough to buy a few books and find the right spiritual path. You can surround yourself with the best wisdom and enlightened souls, but if we cling to our pride, stubbornness or a distorted view of reality, our progress can be worse than useless.

These are some Qualities essential for Self Improvement.

Honesty With Yourself.

There is a saying ‘The Truth Hurts’. In one sense the truth will hurt our ego or pride. But, to make progress it is essential we can be honest with ourselves. This means we are perfectly clear on our own inner motives. We may be able to fool other people we are acting selflessly, we may even be able to fool ourselves, but, if we can fool ourselves how can we make progress?

“Try to make yourself honest. If you become honest, then rest assured there will be one rascal less in the world.”

- Thomas Carlyle

For example, maybe we are unhappy with someone close to us. If we are honest, we will recognise that part of us is jealous of their success and / or feel insecure that we are no longer so valuable. However, the nature of our mind is that we tend to ignore our own emotions of jealousy and concentrate on justifying why they are bad and holding us back. We might not like to admit we are jealous because we know we shouldn’t harbour such feelings. But, until we admit we are feeling jealous we will be unable to overcome it.

Don’t Practise Endless Self-Justification

Self Justification is an almost endless habit of human nature. It stems from the desire to protect our status, social recognition and ego. When things are going wrong, we try to blame other people, external situations, anything but take responsibility for our own mistakes or wrong attitude.

If there is a real misunderstanding, then clearing it up can be helpful. The problem comes when we expend so much energy on justifying our wrong actions we almost come to believe we haven’t done anything wrong and so we effectively perpetuate our wrong attitudes and thoughts.

I am at once a fool and a rogue
When I blame others
For my own misdeeds.

- Sri Chinmoy (1)

This is closely related to being honest with ourselves.

Willingness to Change.

The nature of the mind is that it always likes to think it is right. Whatever idea / thoughts come into the mind, we always think we are right and everyone else is wrong. This can also breed a sense of self-righteousness and moral superiority.

We have to be very careful with out mental judgements. When we judge a situation or other people, we have to be aware we are only seeing part of the situation / part of the problem. The mind latches onto a few mistakes, but we need to remember the good qualities of the person. If we use our heart more we would be much less judgemental.

We also have to bear in mind, we may be wrong, or at least partly wrong. And where we are wrong, we have to be willing to change. To cling to misplaced ideas just because we don’t like to admit we are wrong, may have a place in the political world, but, in the spiritual world, it is just self-defeating.

“The man who never alters his opinion is like standing water, and breeds reptiles of the mind.”

~William Blake

Be Careful of the Ego.

One of the main aspects of self-improvement is diminishing the importance of our egoism. At the start we cannot eliminate our ego completely. But, we can be aware of the ego’s demands for name and fame. We try to be less influenced by the ego and be more humble. But, the ego is tricky,  instead of being proud of worldly accomplishments, the ego can subtly become proud of its spiritual achievements – ‘O how spiritual I am! We may not say it outwardly, but, part of us is feeling that. In a way a the spiritual ego is much worse than an ordinary ego. When we become proud of our spirituality / religion, we become self-righteousness with a subtle feeling of moral superiority. We have to be very careful of the ego’s emotions and intentions and make sure it doesn’t sneak in an unexpected guise.

Patience and Persistence.

For thousands of years, man has been trying to perfect his human nature. Some spiritual paths suggest the cycle of perfection can take hundreds or thousands of human incarnations. Whether we believe in reincarnation or not, we have to admit that transforming human nature is a long and gradual path. Of course, it is not all difficulty and problems; it can be very rewarding to make progress, but at the same time we have to have patience and a steady perseverance. There is nothing to be gained by an impatient desire to expect instant perfection.

Cheerfulness.

When we are happy we can make progress. If we cling to unhappiness and dissatisfaction, progress will remain a far cry.  Cheerfulness requires a good balance in life. It involves having a childlike attitude. Sometimes, part of us feels attracted to suffering; we subtly hold onto a feeling of being wronged, suffering. This can be very pervasive and difficult to get rid of. But, we need to be cheerful.

“For joy and not for sorrow earth was made.”

- Sri Aurobindo, Savitri

Related

• Seven Secrets of Self-Improvement
• 30 Day Self-Improvement Tips

(1) Excerpt from Twenty-Seven Thousand Aspiration-Plants, Part 222 by Sri Chinmoy

(An active volcano – New Zealand – from www.worldharmonyrun.org)

In April, I travel to Jamaica, Queens, New York for a meditation retreat with my friends in the Sri Chinmoy Centre. It is a great opportunity to forget work, and the usual business concerns and spend time meditating and other spiritual activities. As I was preparing to return home, I heard news of flights cancelled and an erupting Volcano. My first thoughts were – that will soon pass, I mean who has ever heard of airplane flights been cancelled because of erupting volcanoes? But, as it got closer to my departure day, it dawned on me that Mother Nature is never bound by our fixed routines and expectations.

Suddenly all your plans, routines and expectations are tossed aside and you are left with a very different experience. I was fortunate, in that I had a nice place I could continue to stay and many friends around me were in the same boat, so to speak. But, the nature of our mind is to dislike any disruptions to our plans and routines; and the worst is not knowing what if anything will happen.

What can we do when our world is turned upside down?

Keep Things In Perspective

Not being able to get to work on time, is not the end of the world. Temporary material discomforts will make us appreciate a return to normality. If we can keep things in perspective it will avoid unnecessary despair. Even the worst experiences are not for ever. It is even more important to avoid speculating on an apocalyptic turn of events. Sometimes things look bleak in the present time, but, turn out to be less bad than feared.

Of course, when you’ve spent three hours trying to get through to Virgin Atlantic on a cold pay phone, on some New York side street, it’s much easier to talk of detachment and keeping things in perspective than actually practise it. But, nevertheless, we do need to try and be detached.

Comfort and Progress

Sometimes discomfort can bring unexpected qualities forward. It can give people opportunity for self-giving and concern for others. Severe challenges give us an opportunity to make progress by forcing us out of a comfort zone. When life is easy and predictable we can become passive and more easily bored. I’m not saying I would ever choose to be stranded in the middle of nowhere, with no means of getting home. But, when difficult experiences come, they can be turned to a useful and beneficial experience so long as we don’t panic and concentrate on the negatives.

An unavoidable necessity
Can quite often be
An unexpected opportunity.

Remain Cheerful.

Don’t feel guilty or frustrated about something you have no control over. It’s tempting to start blaming airline staff for somehow being unable to control the eruption of a volcano. An event like a volcanic eruption merely shows that there will always be things in life over which we have absolutely no control. We can’t stop a volcano, we can only stop our depressed thoughts.

If we can’t return home because of some event beyond your control, it is absurd to start feeling guilty, even if we have an unsympathetic boss.

If we can remain cheerful and positive in a crisis, it will be a source of strength to others. Often thinking of others, is the best way to stay positive and cheerful ourselves. It prevents us becoming too introspective.
Related

• Unexpected Moments of Happiness
• How To Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself

(1) Excerpt from Ten Thousand Flower-Flames, Part 93

How To Become A Better Person (in under 300 words)

Think of other people.  Consider how you can make others happy and encourage them to do the right thing. Spend time to appreciate their good qualities  and boost their self-esteem.

Don’t act for selfish motives. Don’t seek to gain at the expense of others.  Don’t speak ill of friends for the motive of impressing other people.

Don’t waste time in seeking praise. Learn to let go of your ego. Humility does not mean putting yourself down. It means being content with what you are, without external praise / blame.

Never be jealous of others’ success or happiness. Learn to be happy through the well being of others. If others do good things, feel it is partly your achievement.

Don’t be attached to a negative frame of mind. As frequently as necessary, let go of negative thoughts. Don’t brood and be despondent. Be wary often the ego is involved in moods of despair and unhappiness. Cultivate cheerfulness.

Smile. If nothing else try to smile when meeting others.

Be enthusiastic in what you do.  Whatever you find yourself doing, try to be enthusiastic and positive. Even the smallest act done with love and enthusiasm can make a difference.

Don’t force your opinions on other people. Also, listen patiently to others, but at the same time don’t be swayed by what other people think you should do. Test their advice against your inner wisdom.

Inner Peace Take time to find the inner peace and inner joy that is part of your real nature, but often hidden under the layers of our mental imaginings.

Listen to the promptings of the heart. Be sceptical of the cold judgements of the mind.

Better to make mistakes than to sit idle.

Don’t complain, make a difference.

Related

• Eliminating Your Weaknesses the Positive Way
• 7 Secrets of Self-Improvement

Photo: Sri Chinmoy Centre Gallery

Conquer the angry man by love.
Conquer the ill-natured man by goodness.
Conquer the miser with generosity.
Conquer the liar with truth.

The Dhammapada

Everyone at some time wants to change the world. It is a noble ideal to leave the world in a better place than we found it, but how can we actually change the world?

When asked about how to change the world, great sages often reply by saying – first you must change yourself.

“Everyone thinks of
Changing the world, but no one thinks of
Changing himself.”

-Leo Tolstoy

Knowing one’s true self is to be in our highest consciousness. It is to be free of egoism, pride and selfishness. To know our highest self is to experience the oneness of creation. If we really see others as part of our extended self – how can we not be more loving to others and the world?

How To Change the World

“Try not to change the world. You will fail. Try to love the world. Lo, the world is changed. Changed forever.”

- Sri Chinmoy

There are different ways to change the world. Some feel the necessity for political action, some feel the need for humanitarian aid. Some feel the need to convince others through word and speech. Some feel the necessity for a spiritual approach. All ways can have their value. This is a look at how to change the world from a spiritual perspective.

The Smallest Acts of Love

“Without love, deeds, even the most brilliant, count as nothing.”

- St Therese of Lisieux

We are apt to think in terms of what we have actually achieved. We are results oriented and are impatient to see the fruits of our action. Then when we fail to see any change, we become impatient and frustrated. The spiritual approach is to aspire to do the right thing with the best motive and then be detached from the results.

From a spiritual perspective it is not what we achieve, but, the spirit with which we do it. If we wish to change the world for the better, act selflessly without a mixed motive of worldly gain. Our honest endeavour will make much more difference.

Be The Example Rather than The Missionary.

Perfect health, sincerity, honesty, straightforwardness, courage, disinterestedness, unselfishness, patience, endurance, perseverance, peace, calm, self control are all things that are taught infinitely better by example than by beautiful speeches

- Sri Aurobindo

Some people want to change the world from the comfort of their armchair or barstool. All they think is necessary is to tell the world where it is going wrong and what they need to do to put it right. If the world could be put right through a quick gossip and criticism of the world, the world would be perfect along time ago. Talking about what others need to do is fine, but doesn’t actually achieve anything. What we can do, is to be what we are aspiring for. We don’t have to convince others to change the world, they will take real inspiration from our transformed lives. When we are in a good consciousness, we automatically uplift others. If we are miserable and in a bad consciousness how can we hope to make the world a better place?

We can change the world,
But not improve it,
If we do not have peace.

- Sri Chinmoy

For every speech about the failings of the world, if only we good do one positive deed.

Appreciate Others

It is our ego which makes us think that it is we who can change the world. Actually we can do nothing on our own. It is only when there is a sense of shared responsibility, a feeling of brotherhood – that humanity will make real progress. To appreciate the best in others, is the best way to encourage, and inspire them to continue doing the right thing.

Often we have the temptation to change the world through the path of criticism and condemnation. But, there is another way. The way of encouragement; it is a way that people are much more receptive to.

Looking For Friends Not Enemies.

The deepest instinct of humanity is to befriend fellow man. How much joy we can get from offering our hospitality and good will to a stranger who passes by.  When we think of other people, other nations, we always have a choice. Do we look upon them with our suspicious and fearful mind? Do we look on them as potential enemies? or do we look for their good qualities and see them as potential friends?

Sometimes the simplest approaches are the most effective ways of changing the world.

Also, it depends what we mean by changing the world. Some feel changing the world, can only involve some different political system, greater material well being. This is true to some extent. But, changing the outer forms is only part of the equation. We also need to change the consciousness of society.  If we don’t change ourselves, if we don’t bring more peace into our own lives – how can we expect our institutions and politicians to become better.

Related

Quotes To Change The World
Things That Would Change The World

Photo: Pavitrata

It’s hard to feel self-pity with a view like this

We have all had the experience of being told ‘stop feeling sorry for yourself’. It is also something we occasionally say (or at least want to say) to those around us.

Feeling sorry for yourself is a poor state to be in, but, yet human nature means we can often end up wallowing in self-pity.

Why We Feel Sorry For Ourself.

If we can understand why we feel sorry for ourselves then we can work out whether it is justified or helpful.

Injured Pride.

The oft repeated saying ‘pride comes before a fall’ is quite apt. When are pride is hurt, when we feel embarrassed, when we are jealous we can sink into self pity. If we placed less value on our pride and self image, we would be less effected.
Hope for Sympathy / Feeling of guilt.

A large part of feeling sorry for ourselves, is that consciously or unconsciously we are looking for sympathy. Perhaps something unfortunate has happened. By exacerbating our sorrow and misery we feel we will attract more sympathy, love and concern from others. Often we are not really consciously aware that this is our motivation.

Related to the desire for sympathy, is the desire to make others feel guilty. Perhaps someone has caused us problems. We can feel that by displaying our unhappiness, we will make the other party feel suitably guilty, and somehow this will make them do the right thing next time.

If we can honestly analyse our motivation, it can be something of a revelation. Often we fall into a rut of self-pity without really understanding our own inner motivations. But, if these are our motivations for self-pity then we feel it is worth overcoming them.

Self-pity does not
Console one’s mind.
Self-pity cannot
Strengthen one’s heart.
Self-pity only makes one
A real stranger to oneself.

by Sri Chinmoy (1)

How To Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself.

Forget all about it.

When you’re in a rut. You can’t  beat just completely forgetting about it or throwing yourself into something else. If we just sit and brood we will never fight the negative cycles of our mind – because it is the nature of the mind to hang onto negativity. But, when we don’t give the mind time to brood, we can easily shrug off the worthless feelings of self-pity.

It’s Not Going to Help

Self pity is often a call for help – a hope for greater love and attention. And we may get it – at least temporarily. But, we have to bear in mind that when we are wallowing in self-pity, many will not want to spend time with us. There is a difference between genuine difficulties and self-made imaginery suffering. False friends will disappear at the first sign of trouble. But, even true friends will get burnt out if we exploit their compassion with persistent self-pity

Feeling Sorry for yourself will not make others change for the better. Our mind may feel that if we make others feel guilty, they will do the right thing. But, human nature rarely works like this. If we try to make others feel guilty we won’t make them do the right thing. In fact, they will just resent us more. To create positive change in others, we ourselves have to be positive ourselves. We need to approach people with positive suggestions for improvements, not with a delicate sense of passive aggressiveness.

Be Happy Not Proud

Feeling sorry for ourselves only makes us unhappy. We have to make a conscious effort to choose happiness. If we forget about the past and live in the present moment, how can we carry around our unfortunate experiences?

Related

• 10 Tips  to get out of a Rut
• Effective ways To Get out of a Negative Mindset

References

(1) Excerpt from Twenty-Seven Thousand Aspiration-Plants, Part 203 (poems on self-pity)

Photo Menaka Ait-Ouyahia, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries

How poor are they that have not patience!
What wound did ever heal but by degrees?

~William Shakespeare, Othello, 1604

Our previous post was the – long slow transformation of human nature, so I guess a topic on patience is the ideal follow up.

Patience is not exactly the most exciting quality to aspire for. In modern society, patience doesn’t fit well with the hectic pace of life where we become accustomed to quick fixes and on demand entertainment. A society that lives on 2 minute pot noodles and instant text messaging is going to struggle with any ideas of patience. But, for real progress and peace of mind, patience is an indispensable quality. Through patience we can also develop peace of mind and tolerance of others.

Patience With Ourselves

One moment of patience may ward off great disaster.  One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.

~ Chinese Proverb

There is a fine balance between self-indulgence and self-criticism. We need to have patience with ourselves, whilst seeking to become a better person. Some things we cannot expect overnight; we have to do our part which is striving for higher ideals, but, the time when we gain self-mastery is another matter. If we start beating ourselves up for failing to reach imaginary targets, then we only make it even more difficult. If we can maintain a cheerful attitude, without expectation of a certain result then we will make more progress.

The Journey and the Goal.

There is a danger society and our life becomes very results oriented. Success or failure is measured through certain definable goals. With this attitude, achieving the goal becomes all important, everything else is seen as a failure. Patience teaches us that the achievement of the goal is only a partial aspect of life. Patience teaches us to enjoy the journey as much as the results. Thus, we can gain satisfaction from the preparation as much as the goal.

Patience With Others

Patience with others can be either very easy or very difficult. It is very difficult to be patient with others if we expect them to behave in a certain way and meet our self-imposed standards. If we accept we are not responsible for others inner progress then patience becomes much easier. (see: getting on with difficult people)

Patience Can Forget The Past

“There is nothing on earth that can undo the past but patience. If we have patience we can easily undo the past. The past is a morning mist, a meaningless experience in comparison to our future realisation.”

- Sri Chinmoy [1]

We always do things we regret, but, through patience we can easily let the past slip away. Time is a great healer and we just need to be patient.

Cheerful Patience and Reluctant Patience

There is a big difference between a forced patience where we reluctantly wait for something, and a cheerful patience. Sometimes we tolerate a situation because we feel there is no alternative. Or we might think we are being patient, but, inwardly we feel aggrieved to be waiting for so long. A cheerful patience is very different. Here we are not getting annoyed with ourselves or other people. It is this cheerful patience that is the most rewarding

How To Be More Patient

“Adopt the pace of nature:  her secret is patience. ”

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

• If we struggle to be patient with others. Try putting yourself in their shoes. Feel that if you were in their situation, you would have the same challenges and difficulties. Even if you could do something better than others, try to develop sympathy and oneness with their situation.
• Don’t get Joy just from Achieving Targets. The preparation is as important as the end result.
• Don’t put Excess pressure on Yourself. Patience which is calm and measured helps us to achieve anything quicker. If we don’t have patience and get frustrated we only become ineffective.
• Patience Works!

“If I have ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been owing more to patient attention, than to any other talent.”

Isaac Newton (1642 – 1727)

Picture Top: Antara Plabhat, Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries.

The inevitability of change

Human nature can be like the proverbial tail of a dog. It’s easy to straighten, but, as soon as it appears to be straightened it can rapidly unfurl to it’s original position.

It’s the same with spiritual progress, at times, we can feel we are making tremendous progress, then quite unexpectedly, and for no apparent reason, we have a resurgence of pride, insecurity or whatever it might be, and much to our disappointment we feel we have returned to some starting point.

A curious thing – when things become difficult, we inevitably blame other people. Problems always seem to stem from other people. If only the rest of the world could be saints – how much easier the spiritual life would be!

But, as Sri Chinmoy says:

“I am at once a fool and a rogue when I blame others for my own misdeeds.” [1]

Yet, when we are in a good consciousness, when we are sincerely happy, we can have only good feelings towards others. If other people have difficult qualities, we remain unaffected. This is one of the great differences between struggling and doing well. The old saying a saint looks upon everyone as a saint and a thief sees only others as a thief, is very apt in the spiritual life.

Those who sincerely practise a spiritual life, a life of self-improvement, know the inherent challenges of transforming their own self – not for nothing do the Upanishads state – “The Soul cannot be won by the weakling”. Yet, the periods of struggle do not negate a disciplined life; it should only act as a spur for greater determination. When you have tasted real joy and peace of mind – to lose it seems even more unfortunate. Whatever experience we have had in the past, we can definitely regain. The challenge is in remembering the good times and possibilities and not being weighed down by temporary setbacks.

Sometimes, it feels that the same old difficulties, the same old issues, keep cropping up in different forms. We escape from one difficult person only to find the same foibles in someone else.

But, rather than seeing life as a constant barrage of difficulties, it is perhaps more helpful to see life as a constant opportunity to make different choices. No one is compelling us to choose to see the worst in other people. No one is forcing us to be miserable in the vain hope our egoistic suffering will bring us progress. We can always choose to be happy, we can choose to ignore the wild demands of the un-illumined ego. When we choose the way of the heart – the way of acceptance and listen to our soul, life does not seem such a struggle; our problems can easily dissipate just through changing the way we look on the world.

“We are our own fate-makers. To blame others for the unfavourable conditions of our lives is beneath our dignity.”

- Sri Chinmoy [2]

It is definitely easy to read about the spiritual life, it is easy to know what we should be doing, it is even fairly easy to write about it – but, to actually live the precepts and make the changes permanent in our own nature – that needs formidable patience, and tolerance of our own limitations.

But, just because the transformation of human nature is an a long and arduous journey doesn’t mean it is not worth the effort. To live only with the vital’s desires and ego’s fantasies will never bring us anything more than a fleeting glimpse of an imperfect happiness – not least for those who have seen a glimpse of the soul life.

If only we could transform human nature through writing about it! If verbal verbosity was any guide, I could be singing with the angels by now. But, sometimes, it is good to, at least, know what we should be doing – even if we repeatedly fall short.

Even the loftiest journey has to start with the smallest steps and knowing the right direction is not without importance….

Related

• Effective ways to get out of a negative mindset
• Dealing with difficult people

picture: Tejvan, Oxfordshire, 2009

References

[1] (271 – 700 Wisdom Flowers by Sri Chinmoy)

[2] (253 – 700 Wisdom Flowers by Sri Chinmoy)

Enthusiasm and motivation are key principles for getting anything done. If we are motivated and committed we find ways to get round obstacles. If we lack motivation then we easily find difficulties and excuses to give up. To increase our motivation we really need to be clear what we want to do.

These are some tips to Increase Your Motivation

Be Clear What You Wish to Achieve

It is important to know what is important to you. Think carefully about what really matters. If you consciously give something a high priority, then this is half the battle for gaining motivation. We often struggle to gain motivation for an activity / issue because we are not clear in our mind about what we wish to achieve.

• For example, we may go through life with a vague idea it would be good to get up earlier in the morning, but, only if we really see benefits will we have motivation

Just Act!

We can only be fully committed to a certain number of things; we need to prioritise what is important. However, whilst it is important to be aware of life’s priorities, we don’t want to spend too long just thinking. If we sit around planning and thinking, the mind will find innumerable problems and complications which reduce our motivation. The best thing is to get started and through yourself wholeheartedly into a project. Once you get started and focus on a project it develops a certain energy which is self reinforcing.

I teach Economics and many of my students say how worried about the exams they are and how they haven’t time. But, their real problem is just to get started with work and revision. The worst is just sitting around saying how little time they have.

Don’t Rely on External Praise

Often we lack motivation because we feel our efforts are not fully recognised. To be willing to work without praise is a real boon. The secret is to feel the satisfaction from doing the right thing and giving ourselves the opportunity for our self-improvement. We shouldn’t just be motivated for the end result, but, for the challenge of getting there. Be kind to yourself and notice the satisfaction you gain from doing the right thing in the right attitude, this will always be worth more than the fleeting praise of others.

Satisfaction.

Lasting motivation will come when we get joy from doing something. The problem is we often feel worthwhile changes of projects require self-discipline, sacrifice and difficulties. It is this which discourages and de-motivates. We need to change our attitude, rather than thinking of the sacrifice or discipline we need to undergo, focus on the lasting sense of achievement we get.

Remove Distractions

To increase our motivation to do something useful, we often need to avoid the distractions that pull us away into insignificant things. After sitting in front of the TV for one hour flicking through channels or surfing useless internet sites, it is remarkable how much motivation can disappear!

Be of Service

If we just think of ourself then it is hard to do difficult things. However, if we really try to emphasise with others then it is much easier to be motivated to make difficult changes. See: Helping an alcoholic.

Understand Costs and Benefits

We have a tendency to stumble from one crisis to the next. If we get stomach pains we reach for the stomach pills rather than looking at our diet. Often we need motivation for activities where benefits are long term and costs are short term. But, looking after our health, for example, will give much benefit in the long term. We just need to remind ourselves of the costs and benefits.

Look After Your Energy and Health

A fit body is very helpful for any change we wish to make. See: How to Cope with low energy levels

Related Posts

• The infectious power of enthusiasm
• Regaining lost inspiration

Photo from World Harmony Run site

There are many things that we aspire to do, but, for some reason they remain quite difficult. It is better to have the right intention and be aware of how difficult they are. These are some of the things that are very difficult to do and how we could make them a little more practical.

Admit We’re Wrong

Nearly all of us find it difficult to admit we were wrong. It stems from a false belief that we somehow always expect ourselves to be right. Part of the problem is our pride. We feel embarrassed to admit we get things wrong; we feel it somehow diminishes our own standing. But, to admit we were wrong is a sign of strength, flexibility and humility. People will never think ill of us simply because we admit to making a mistake. The mind’s insistence on trying to justify everything we do merely creates problems for ourselves and others. We need to change our mindset and be happy to admit to mistakes without feelings of guilt or humbled pride.

“Why do we find it so difficult to confess our mistake’s? The immediate answer is fear. What is fear? Fear is something that constantly binds us. Fear is something that constantly tells us that we are entirely different or separate from others, that our existence is only for ourselves.”

- Sri Chinmoy

Be Non Judgemental

We come across many people in life. Some we like, some we develop dislike. Our mind is constantly judging. We judge people on their appearance, on what they say. Then our interactions with them are clouded by our judgement. It is much better to have a clear mind without prejudging others.

Accept Criticism in Good Spirit

Criticism can be an excellent opportunity to learn and develop. Without criticism we may continue to make mistakes and gain a large ego. Yet, despite the benefits of receiving constructive criticism. We feel challenged and personally affronted. We love to receive praise but struggle to deal with criticism.

Be Cheerful under all Circumstances

Life gives us ups and downs, whether we like it or not. There is nothing we can do about our circumstances. Sometimes fate gives us challenging circumstances. Becoming miserable does not help, it only makes the situation more difficult. To remain cheerful in difficult circumstances is a great boon. Cheerfulness can overcome many obstacles and help us to discover light even in seemingly difficult times. But, unfortunately, when things don’t go to plan we start feeling sorry for ourselves and glum. Of course, this does not help; but, this is what we tend to do.

Practise what we Preach

Alas, it is easy to say what we should do, but, it is another thing to do it! If world peace could be attained by good intentions it would be achieved a long time ago. Quite often we know what we should do, we hear our voice of conscience or message from our heart, but, some other force prevents us from doing the right thing.

Even worse, we tell others what to do – when we have no intention of doing it ourselves. Still to have good intentions is a start. What we need to do is talk a little less and act a little more. Putting into effect our good intentions is the real challenge.

Listen

Everyone wants to talk, but, how many have time to listen? Listening is a great art. Just listening to others can help them to work out their problems. They don’t need our advice, but, they may need an opportunity to work out what they should do. If you dominate conversations and always like to have the last word. Sit back and try to listen, especially to those who are shy or need a reliable friend (see: The art of listening)

Do One Thing at a Time

Simplicity and focus is a great virtue. But, we feel if we can try to do 2 things at once we will get more done. Alas, this rarely works, we just get stressed from the demands we place on ourselves; stress that need not be there.

Get Up early in the morning

How beautiful it is to get up at dawn, listening to the dawn chorus before the rush of humanity enters the day. Unfortunately, the body doesn’t always follow our own good intentions. Though you could try these tips to get up early in the morning.

Eat Less Sugar

Another good habit would be to eat less sugar. But, cake tastes good so what can we do?

Nobody really likes getting older. But, to think of ageing purely as a physical process is to miss the importance of our mental outlook. If we want we can easily remain young at heart – whatever our age.

Sometimes we see someone in his twenties and already he is grumbling like an old man. But, at the same time we see someone in their 70s and they have the life and attitude of a young child. To remain young at heart and forgetful of our outer age is a real blessing which enables us to enjoy life whatever our advancing age may be.

Secrets to Remaining Young at heart

Spend Time With Children.

Children  enjoy life from the heart. To see a child’s smile uplifts even the hardest heart. If we spend time with serious old people we will feel a serious old person too.

Don’t Identify your Self with Your Physical Age.

Everyday we look in the mirror and gain the habit of identifying our sense of self with the body. Thus when we see grey hairs and rinkles appearing we feel older – because our body is becoming older. But to remain young in heart and mind, our physical appearance is an irrelevance. We need to break the link between our physical condition and state of mind. We try to keep the body healthy. But, our sense of self should never be dictated by the number of summers this body has seen.

Be Spontaneous.

A childlike attitude is spontaneous and free. A child can take joy in simple things because it is not mentally creating a 5 year plan to buy a new TV. Try to listen to your heart and do things which give you innocent pleasure. Spend less time thinking and more time living in the present moment.

Don’t Spend Time Picking Faults

When we criticise others,
We do not go forward.
We just go backward,
To our greatest shock.

- Sri Chinmoy

It is complaining and grumbling which really gives us a feeling of being old and weary. Unfortunately, as we get older we get into a mental habit of finding fault and criticising the innumerable problems of the world. It is this tendency to be critical which really gives us an ageing outlook. A critical attitude has an impact upon ourselves. It is we who become negative, yet, of course, our criticisms never   improve the world.

Be Active

If we are active we don’t have time to get depressed about our old age. Compete with yourself and not others and get joy from transcending your own goals.

Stop Being Guilt of Your Age

I know many people close to me, who really feel bad if you ask them how old they are. They tell their age with such reluctance – as if they had just been diagnosed with some serious illness. Be proud to have more experience and more years under your belt. Becoming older in age is nothing to feel bad about.